10 Best Famous Nowt Poems

Here is a collection of the top 10 all-time best famous Nowt poems. This is a select list of the best famous Nowt poetry. Reading, writing, and enjoying famous Nowt poetry (as well as classical and contemporary poems) is a great past time. These top poems are the best examples of nowt poems.

• All Famous Nowt Poems

Written by Henry Lawson | A Song of Brave Men Man, is the Sea your master? Sea, and is man your slave? – This is the song of brave men who never know they are brave: Ceaselessly watching to save you, stranger from foreign lands, Soundly asleep in your state room, full sail for the Goodwin Sands! Life is a dream, they tell us, but life seems very real, When the lifeboat puts out from Ramsgate, and the buggers put out from Deal! A gun from the lightship! – a rocket! – a cry of, "Turn out, me lad!" "Ship on the Sands!" they're shouting, and a rush of the oilskin-clad. The lifeboat leaping and swooping, in the wake of the fighting tug, And the luggers afloat in Hell's water – Oh, "tourist", with cushion and rug! – Think of the freezing fury, without one minute's relief, When they stood all night in the blackness by the wreck of the Indian Chief! Lashed to their seats, and crouching, to the spray that froze as it flew, Twenty-six hours in midwinter! That was the lifeboat's crew. Twice she was swamped, and she righted, in the rush of the heavy seas, And her tug was mostly buried; but these were common things, these. And the luggers go out whenever there's a hope to get them afloat, And these things they do for nothing, and those fishermen say, "Oh! it's nowt!" (Enemy, Friend or Stranger! In every sea or land, And across the lives of most men run stretches of Goodwin Sand; And across the life of a nation, as across the track of a ship, Lies the hidden rock, or the iceberg, within the horizon dip. And wise men know them, and warn us, with lightship, or voice, or pen; But we strike, and the fool survivors sail on to strike again.) But this is a song of brave men, wherever is aught to save, Christian or Jew or Wowser – and I knew one who was brave; British or French or German, Dane or Latin or Dutch: "Scandies" that ignorant British reckon with "Dagoes and such" – (Where'er, on a wreck titanic, in a scene of wild despair, The officers call for assistance, a Swede or a Norse is there.) Tale of a wreck titanic, with the last boat over the side, And a brave young husband fighting his clinging, hysterical bride; He strikes her fair on the temple, while the decks are scarce afloat, And he kisses her once on the forehead, and he drops her into the boat. So he goes to his death to save her; and she lives to remember and lie – Or be true to his love and courage. But that's how brave men die. (I hate the slander: "Be British" – and I don't believe it, that's flat: No British sailor and captain would stoop to such cant as that. What – in the rush of cowards – of the help from before the mast – Of the two big Swedes and the Norse, who stood by the mate to the last? – In every mining disaster, in a New-World mining town, In one of the rescue parties an Olsen or Hans goes down.) Men who fought for their village, away on their country's edge: The priest with his cross – and a musket, and the blacksmith with his sledge; The butcher with cleaver and pistols, and the notary with his pike. And the clerk with what he laid hands on; but all were ready to strike. And – Tennyson notwithstanding – when the hour of danger was come, The shopman has struck full often with his "cheating yard-wand" home! This is a song of brave men, ever, the wide world o'er – Starved and crippled and murdered by the land they are fighting for. Left to freeze in the trenches, sent to drown by the Cape, Throttled by army contractors, and strangled bv old red-tape. Fighting for "Home" and "Country", or "Glory", or what you choose – Sacrificed for the Syndicates, and a monarch "in" with the Jews. Australia! your trial is coming! Down with the party strife: Send Your cackling, lying women back to the old Home Life. Brush trom your Parliament benches the legal chaff and dust: Make Federation perfect, as sooner or later you must. Scatter your crowded cities, cut up your States – and so Give your brave sons of the future the ghost of a White Man's show.

Written by Robert Burns | 87. The Twa Dogs ’TWAS 1 in that place o’ Scotland’s isle, That bears the name o’ auld King Coil, Upon a bonie day in June, When wearin’ thro’ the afternoon, Twa dogs, that were na thrang at hame, Forgather’d ance upon a time. The first I’ll name, they ca’d him Caesar, Was keepit for His Honor’s pleasure: His hair, his size, his mouth, his lugs, Shew’d he was nane o’ Scotland’s dogs; But whalpit some place far abroad, Whare sailors gang to fish for cod. His locked, letter’d, braw brass collar Shew’d him the gentleman an’ scholar; But though he was o’ high degree, The fient a pride, nae pride had he; But wad hae spent an hour caressin, Ev’n wi’ al tinkler-gipsy’s messin: At kirk or market, mill or smiddie, Nae tawted tyke, tho’ e’er sae duddie, But he wad stan’t, as glad to see him, An’ stroan’t on stanes an’ hillocks wi’ him. The tither was a ploughman’s collie— A rhyming, ranting, raving billie, Wha for his friend an’ comrade had him, And in freak had Luath ca’d him, After some dog in Highland Sang, 2 Was made lang syne,—Lord knows how lang. He was a gash an’ faithfu’ tyke, As ever lap a sheugh or dyke. His honest, sonsie, baws’nt face Aye gat him friends in ilka place; His breast was white, his touzie back Weel clad wi’ coat o’ glossy black; His gawsie tail, wi’ upward curl, Hung owre his hurdie’s wi’ a swirl. Nae doubt but they were fain o’ ither, And unco pack an’ thick thegither; Wi’ social nose whiles snuff’d an’ snowkit; Whiles mice an’ moudieworts they howkit; Whiles scour’d awa’ in lang excursion, An’ worry’d ither in diversion; Until wi’ daffin’ weary grown Upon a knowe they set them down. An’ there began a lang digression. About the “lords o’ the creation.” CÆSAR I’ve aften wonder’d, honest Luath, What sort o’ life poor dogs like you have; An’ when the gentry’s life I saw, What way poor bodies liv’d ava. Our laird gets in his racked rents, His coals, his kane, an’ a’ his stents: He rises when he likes himsel’; His flunkies answer at the bell; He ca’s his coach; he ca’s his horse; He draws a bonie silken purse, As lang’s my tail, where, thro’ the steeks, The yellow letter’d Geordie keeks. Frae morn to e’en, it’s nought but toiling At baking, roasting, frying, boiling; An’ tho’ the gentry first are stechin, Yet ev’n the ha’ folk fill their pechan Wi’ sauce, ragouts, an’ sic like trashtrie, That’s little short o’ downright wastrie. Our whipper-in, wee, blasted wonner, Poor, worthless elf, it eats a dinner, Better than ony tenant-man His Honour has in a’ the lan’: An’ what poor cot-folk pit their painch in, I own it’s past my comprehension. LUATH Trowth, C&æsar, whiles they’re fash’t eneugh: A cottar howkin in a sheugh, Wi’ dirty stanes biggin a dyke, Baring a quarry, an’ sic like; Himsel’, a wife, he thus sustains, A smytrie o’ wee duddie weans, An’ nought but his han’-daurk, to keep Them right an’ tight in thack an’ rape. An’ when they meet wi’ sair disasters, Like loss o’ health or want o’ masters, Ye maist wad think, a wee touch langer, An’ they maun starve o’ cauld an’ hunger: But how it comes, I never kent yet, They’re maistly wonderfu’ contented; An’ buirdly chiels, an’ clever hizzies, Are bred in sic a way as this is. CÆSAR But then to see how ye’re negleckit, How huff’d, an’ cuff’d, an’ disrespeckit! Lord man, our gentry care as little For delvers, ditchers, an’ sic cattle; They gang as saucy by poor folk, As I wad by a stinkin brock. I’ve notic’d, on our laird’s court-day,— An’ mony a time my heart’s been wae,— Poor tenant bodies, scant o’cash, How they maun thole a factor’s snash; He’ll stamp an’ threaten, curse an’ swear He’ll apprehend them, poind their gear; While they maun stan’, wi’ aspect humble, An’ hear it a’, an’ fear an’ tremble! I see how folk live that hae riches; But surely poor-folk maun be wretches! LUATH They’re no sae wretched’s ane wad think. Tho’ constantly on poortith’s brink, They’re sae accustom’d wi’ the sight, The view o’t gives them little fright. Then chance and fortune are sae guided, They’re aye in less or mair provided: An’ tho’ fatigued wi’ close employment, A blink o’ rest’s a sweet enjoyment. The dearest comfort o’ their lives, Their grushie weans an’ faithfu’ wives; The prattling things are just their pride, That sweetens a’ their fire-side. An’ whiles twalpennie worth o’ nappy Can mak the bodies unco happy: They lay aside their private cares, To mind the Kirk and State affairs; They’ll talk o’ patronage an’ priests, Wi’ kindling fury i’ their breasts, Or tell what new taxation’s comin, An’ ferlie at the folk in Lon’on. As bleak-fac’d Hallowmass returns, They get the jovial, rantin kirns, When rural life, of ev’ry station, Unite in common recreation; Love blinks, Wit slaps, an’ social Mirth Forgets there’s Care upo’ the earth. That merry day the year begins, They bar the door on frosty win’s; The nappy reeks wi’ mantling ream, An’ sheds a heart-inspiring steam; The luntin pipe, an’ sneeshin mill, Are handed round wi’ right guid will; The cantie auld folks crackin crouse, The young anes rantin thro’ the house— My heart has been sae fain to see them, That I for joy hae barkit wi’ them. Still it’s owre true that ye hae said, Sic game is now owre aften play’d; There’s mony a creditable stock O’ decent, honest, fawsont folk, Are riven out baith root an’ branch, Some rascal’s pridefu’ greed to quench, Wha thinks to knit himsel the faster In favour wi’ some gentle master, Wha, aiblins, thrang a parliamentin, For Britain’s guid his saul indentin— CÆSAR Haith, lad, ye little ken about it: For Britain’s guid! guid faith! I doubt it. Say rather, gaun as Premiers lead him: An’ saying ay or no’s they bid him: At operas an’ plays parading, Mortgaging, gambling, masquerading: Or maybe, in a frolic daft, To Hague or Calais takes a waft, To mak a tour an’ tak a whirl, To learn bon ton, an’ see the worl’. There, at Vienna, or Versailles, He rives his father’s auld entails; Or by Madrid he takes the rout, To thrum guitars an’ fecht wi’ nowt; Or down Italian vista startles, Wh-re-hunting amang groves o’ myrtles: Then bowses drumlie German-water, To mak himsel look fair an’ fatter, An’ clear the consequential sorrows, Love-gifts of Carnival signoras. For Britain’s guid! for her destruction! Wi’ dissipation, feud, an’ faction. LUATH Hech, man! dear sirs! is that the gate They waste sae mony a braw estate! Are we sae foughten an’ harass’d For gear to gang that gate at last? O would they stay aback frae courts, An’ please themsels wi’ country sports, It wad for ev’ry ane be better, The laird, the tenant, an’ the cotter! For thae frank, rantin, ramblin billies, Feint haet o’ them’s ill-hearted fellows; Except for breakin o’ their timmer, Or speakin lightly o’ their limmer, Or shootin of a hare or moor-cock, The ne’er-a-bit they’re ill to poor folk, But will ye tell me, Master C&æsar, Sure great folk’s life’s a life o’ pleasure? Nae cauld nor hunger e’er can steer them, The very thought o’t need na fear them. CÆSAR L—d, man, were ye but whiles whare I am, The gentles, ye wad ne’er envy them! It’s true, they need na starve or sweat, Thro’ winter’s cauld, or simmer’s heat: They’ve nae sair wark to craze their banes, An’ fill auld age wi’ grips an’ granes: But human bodies are sic fools, For a’ their colleges an’ schools, That when nae real ills perplex them, They mak enow themsel’s to vex them; An’ aye the less they hae to sturt them, In like proportion, less will hurt them. A country fellow at the pleugh, His acre’s till’d, he’s right eneugh; A country girl at her wheel, Her dizzen’s dune, she’s unco weel; But gentlemen, an’ ladies warst, Wi’ ev’n-down want o’ wark are curst. They loiter, lounging, lank an’ lazy; Tho’ deil-haet ails them, yet uneasy; Their days insipid, dull, an’ tasteless; Their nights unquiet, lang, an’ restless. An’ev’n their sports, their balls an’ races, Their galloping through public places, There’s sic parade, sic pomp, an’ art, The joy can scarcely reach the heart. The men cast out in party-matches, Then sowther a’ in deep debauches. Ae night they’re mad wi’ drink an’ whoring, Niest day their life is past enduring. The ladies arm-in-arm in clusters, As great an’ gracious a’ as sisters; But hear their absent thoughts o’ ither, They’re a’ run-deils an’ jads thegither. Whiles, owre the wee bit cup an’ platie, They sip the scandal-potion pretty; Or lee-lang nights, wi’ crabbit leuks Pore owre the devil’s pictur’d beuks; Stake on a chance a farmer’s stackyard, An’ cheat like ony unhanged blackguard. There’s some exceptions, man an’ woman; But this is gentry’s life in common. By this, the sun was out of sight, An’ darker gloamin brought the night; The bum-clock humm’d wi’ lazy drone; The kye stood rowtin i’ the loan; When up they gat an’ shook their lugs, Rejoic’d they werena men but dogs; An’ each took aff his several way, Resolv’d to meet some ither day. Note 1. Luath was Burns’ own dog. [back] Note 2. Cuchullin’s dog in Ossian’s “Fingal.”—R. B. [back]

Written by Marriott Edgar | Three HaPence a Foot I'll tell you an old-fashioned story That Grandfather used to relate, Of a joiner and building contractor; 'Is name, it were Sam Oglethwaite. In a shop on the banks of the Irwell, Old Sam used to follow 'is trade, In a place you'll have 'eard of, called Bury; You know, where black puddings is made. One day, Sam were filling a knot 'ole Wi' putty, when in thro' the door Came an old feller fair wreathed wi' whiskers; T'ould chap said 'Good morning, I'm Noah.' Sam asked Noah what was 'is business, And t'ould chap went on to remark, That not liking the look of the weather, 'E were thinking of building an Ark. 'E'd gotten the wood for the bulwarks, And all t'other shipbuilding junk, And wanted some nice Bird's Eye Maple To panel the side of 'is bunk. Now Maple were Sam's Monopoly; That means it were all 'is to cut, And nobody else 'adn't got none; So 'e asked Noah three ha'pence a foot. 'A ha'penny too much,' replied Noah 'A Penny a foot's more the mark; A penny a foot, and when t'rain comes, I'll give you a ride in me Ark.' But neither would budge in the bargain; The whole daft thing were kind of a jam, So Sam put 'is tongue out at Noah, And Noah made 'Long Bacon ' at Sam In wrath and ill-feeling they parted, Not knowing when they'd meet again, And Sam had forgot all about it, 'Til one day it started to rain. It rained and it rained for a fortni't, And flooded the 'ole countryside. It rained and it kept' on raining, 'Til the Irwell were fifty mile wide. The 'ouses were soon under water, And folks to the roof 'ad to climb. They said 'twas the rottenest summer That Bury 'ad 'ad for some time. The rain showed no sign of abating, And water rose hour by hour, 'Til the only dry land were at Blackpool, And that were on top of the Tower. So Sam started swimming to Blackpool; It took 'im best part of a week. 'Is clothes were wet through when 'e got there, And 'is boots were beginning to leak. 'E stood to 'is watch-chain in water, On Tower top, just before dark, When who should come sailing towards 'im But old Noah, steering 'is Ark. They stared at each other in silence, 'Til Ark were alongside, all but, Then Noah said: 'What price yer Maple?' Sam answered 'Three ha'pence a foot.' Noah said 'Nay; I'll make thee an offer, The same as I did t'other day. A penny a foot and a free ride. Now, come on, lad, what does tha say?' 'Three ha'pence a foot,' came the answer. So Noah 'is sail 'ad to hoist, And sailed off again in a dudgeon, While Sam stood determined, but moist. Noah cruised around, flying 'is pigeons, 'Til fortieth day of the wet, And on 'is way back, passing Blackpool, 'E saw old Sam standing there yet. 'Is chin just stuck out of the water; A comical figure 'e cut, Noah said: 'Now what's the price of yer Maple?' Sam answered: 'Three ha'pence a foot.' Said Noah: 'Ye'd best take my offer; It's last time I'll be hereabout; And if water comes half an inch higher, I'll happen get Maple for nowt.' 'Three ha'pence a foot it'll cost yer, And as fer me,' Sam said, 'don't fret. The sky's took a turn since this morning; I think it'll brighten up yet.'

Written by Marriott Edgar | Sam Goes To It Sam Small had retired from the Army, In the old Duke of Wellington's time, So when present unpleasantness started, He were what you might call... past his prime. He'd lived for some years in retirement, And knew nowt of war, if you please, Till they blasted and bombed his allotment, And shelled the best part of his peas. 'T were as if bugles called Sam to duty, For his musket he started to search, He found it at last in the Hen house, Buff Orpingtons had it for perch. Straight off to the Fusilliers' depot, He went to rejoin his old troop... Where he found as they couldn't recruit Him, Until his age group was called up. Now Sam wasn't getting no younger, Past the three score and ten years was he, And he reckoned by time they reached his age group, He'd be very near ten score and three. So he took up the matter with Churchill, Who said, "I don't know what to do, Never was there a time when so many, Came asking so much from so few." "I don't want no favours" Sam answered, "Don't think as I'm one of that mob, All I'm asking is give me the tools, lad, And let me help finish the job." "I'll fit you in somewhere," said Winnie, "Old soldiers we must not discard." Then seeing he'd got his own musket, He sent him to join the Home Guard. They gave Sam a coat with no stripes on, In spite of the service he'd seen, Which considering he'd been a King's sergeant, Kind of rankled... you know what I mean. He said "I come back to the Army, Expecting my country's thanks, And the first thing I find when I get here, Is that I've been reduced to the ranks. He found all the lads sympathetic, They agreed that 'twere a disgrace, Except one old chap in the corner, With a nutcracker kind of a face. Said the old fella, "Who do you think you are? The last to appear on the scene, And you start off by wanting promotion, Last come, last served... see what I mean?" Said Sam, "Wasn't I at Corunna, And when company commander got shot, Didn't I lead battalion to victory?" Said the old fella, "No... you did not." "I didn't?" said Sam quite indignent, "Why, in every fight Wellington fought, Wasn't I at his right hand to guard him?" Said old chap, "You were nowt of the sort." "What do you know of Duke and his battles?" Said Sam, with a whithering look, Said the old man, "I ought to know something, Between you and me... I'm the Duke." And if you should look in any evening, You'll find them both in the canteen, Ex Commander-in-Chief and ex Sergeant, Both just Home Guards... you know what I mean?

Written by Robert Burns | 518. Ballad on Mr. Heron's Election—No. 1 WHOM will you send to London town, To Parliament and a’ that? Or wha in a’ the country round The best deserves to fa’ that? For a’ that, and a’ that, Thro’ Galloway and a’ that, Where is the Laird or belted Knight The best deserves to fa’ that? Wha sees Kerroughtree’s open yett, (And wha is’t never saw that?) Wha ever wi’ Kerroughtree met, And has a doubt of a’ that? For a’ that, and a’ that, Here’s Heron yet for a’ that! The independent patriot, The honest man, and a’ that. Tho’ wit and worth, in either sex, Saint Mary’s Isle can shaw that, Wi’ Dukes and Lords let Selkirk mix, And weel does Selkirk fa’ that. For a’ that, and a’ that, Here’s Heron yet for a’ that! The independent commoner Shall be the man for a’ that. But why should we to Nobles jouk, And is’t against the law, that? For why, a Lord may be a gowk, Wi’ ribband, star and a’ that, For a’ that, and a’ that, Here’s Heron yet for a’ that! A Lord may be a lousy loun, Wi’ ribband, star and a’ that. A beardless boy comes o’er the hills, Wi’ uncle’s purse and a’ that; But we’ll hae ane frae mang oursels, A man we ken, and a’ that. For a’ that, and a’ that, Here’s Heron yet for a’ that! For we’re not to be bought and sold, Like naigs, and nowt, and a’ that. Then let us drink—The Stewartry, Kerroughtree’s laird, and a’ that, Our representative to be, For weel he’s worthy a’ that. For a’ that, and a’ that, Here’s Heron yet for a’ that! A House of Commons such as he, They wad be blest that saw that.

Written by Tony Harrison | Turns I thought it made me look more 'working class' (as if a bit of chequered cloth could bridge that gap!) I did a turn in it before the glass. My mother said: It suits you, your dad's cap. (She preferred me to wear suits and part my hair: You're every bit as good as that lot are!) All the pension queue came out to stare. Dad was sprawled beside the postbox (still VR) , his cap turned inside up beside his head, smudged H A H in purple Indian ink and Brylcreem slicks displayed so folks migh think he wanted charity for dropping dead. He never begged. For nowt! Death's reticence crowns his life, and me, I'm opening my trap to busk the class that broke him for the pence that splash like brackish tears into our cap.

Written by Marriott Edgar | Joe Ramsbottom Joe Ramshottom rented a bit of a farm From its owner, Squire Goslett his name; And the Gosletts came over with William the First, And found Ramsbottoms here when they came. One day Joe were ploughing his three-acre field When the front of his plough hit a rock, And on closer inspection o' t' damage he found As the coulter had snapped wi' the shock. He'd got a spare coulter at home in his shed, But that were some distance away, And he reckoned by t' time he had been there and back He'd have wasted best part of the day. The accident 'appened not far from the place Where the Squire had his sumptuous abode; He thought he might borrow a coulter from him, And save going back all that road. He were going to ask... but he suddenly stopped, And he said " Nay-I'd better not call; He might think it cheek I borrowed from him, I'd best get my own after all." He were going off back when he turned to himself And said "That's a gormless idea; The land you were ploughing belongs to the Squire, It were 'is rock as caused all this 'ere!" This 'eartened Joe up, so he set off again, But he very soon stopped as before, And he said 'Happen Squire'II have comp'ny to tea, Nay I'd, better go round to t' back. Then he answered himself in a manner quite stern And said "Here's a nice how-de-do! You can manage without him when all's said and done, And where would he be without you?" Joe knew this were right and he knew it were just, But he didn't seem happy somehow, So he said "Well, there's no harm in paying a call, And I needn't say owt about plough." This suggestion that he were afraid of the Squire Were most deeply resented by Joe; He said "Right! I'll show you... I'll go up at once, At the worst he can only say 'No.'' Then he said "After all as I've done in the past He would have a nerve to decline; He ought to be thankful to give me his plough, Seein'' damage his rock did to mine. Then he said "Who is he To be puffed up wi' pride, And behave as if he were King Dick He's only a farmer the same as myself, As I'll tell him an' all- Jolly quick." Then he turned round and looked himself straight in the face, And he said "What you're scared of beats me; Ramsbottoms was landlords when Gosletts was nowt, And it's him should be working for thee!" Then he said "I'm surprised at myself, so I am, To think I should so condescend As to come hat in hand to a feller like 'im And ask if he's owt he can lend." This argument brought him to Squire's front door, It were open and Squire stood inside; He said "Hello, Joe... What brings thee right up here?" "You'll know in a tick," Joe replied. He said "P'raps you think yourself better than me, Well, I'm telling you straight that you're not And I don't want your coulter... Your plough-or your farm, You can-do what you like with the lot."

Written by Robert Burns | 129. The Calf RIGHT, sir! your text I’ll prove it true, Tho’ heretics may laugh; For instance, there’s yourself just now, God knows, an unco calf. And should some patron be so kind, As bless you wi’ a kirk, I doubt na, sir but then we’ll find, Ye’re still as great a stirk. But, if the lover’s raptur’d hour, Shall ever be your lot, Forbid it, ev’ry heavenly Power, You e’er should be a stot! Tho’ when some kind connubial dear Your but-and-ben adorns, The like has been that you may wear A noble head of horns. And, in your lug, most reverend James, To hear you roar and rowt, Few men o’ sense will doubt your claims To rank amang the nowt. And when ye’re number’d wi’ the dead, Below a grassy hillock, With justice they may mark your head— “Here lies a famous bullock!”

Written by Marriott Edgar | Henry the Seventh Henry the Seventh of England Wasn't out of the Royal top drawer, The only connection of which he could boast, He were King's nephew's brother-in-law. It were after the Wars of the Roses That he came to the front, as it were, When on strength of his having slain Richard the Third He put himself up as his heir. T'were a bit of a blow to the Barons When Henry aspired to the Throne, And some who'd been nursing imperial hopes Started pushing out claims of their own. But they didn't get far with their scheming, For the moment the matter were pressed A stroke of the pen took them off to the Tower, Where a stroke of the axe did the rest. A feller they called Perkin Warbeck Was the one who led Henry a dance, To make sure that nowt awkward should happen to him He worked from an office in France. He claimed to be one of the Princes As were smothered to death in the Tower. His tale was that only his brother was killed And that he had escaped the seas ower. Henry knew the appeal of the Princes Was a strong one for Perkin to make, And he reckoned he'd best have a chat with the lad And find out the least he would take. In reply to his kind invitation Perkin said he'd he happy to call, But he'd bring his own escort of ten thousand men And a hundred pipers an' all. This reply put the King in a passion He swore as he'd stop Perkin's fun, Then he offered a fortune per annum to him As could tell him how his could be done. Then up spoke the bold Lambert Simne The King's private scullion he were, He said: "Just one word in thy ear 'ole, O King, I've a plan as will stop all this 'ere." Then he took the King up in a corner, Where no one could hear what they said, He hadn't got far when King started to laff And he laffed till he had to he bled. T 'were a plan to anticipate Perkin, By getting in first with these tales, Start another rebellion before he arrived And take the wind out of his sails. And so Lambert Simnel's rebellion Made its fateful debut in the North Experts disagree who he made out to be, John the Second or Richard the Fourth. T 'was surprising how many believed him They flocked to his flag like one man, For in them days the folk would do owt for a change, And their motto was, " San fairy ann." It were quite a success this rebellion Till t'were routed by Henry at Stoke, And Lambert were taken and made to confess That his parents was working class folk. The public forgave this deception, The thing that made them proper mad Was a twopenny increase on every one's rates To pay for the fun they had had. And so when Peter Warbeck came over Expecting his praise to be sung, He was greeted, defeated, escheated, unseated, Maltreated and finally hung. And the Baron went back to his castle, The Peasant went back to his herd, Lambert Simnel went back to his scullion's job Because Henry went back on his word.

Written by Marriott Edgar | The Burghers of Calais It were after the Battle of Crecy- The foe all lay dead on the ground- And King Edward went out with his soldiers To clean up the places around. The first place they came to were Calais, Where t' burghers all stood in a row, And when Edward told them to surrender They told Edward where he could go. Said he, " I'll beleaguer this city, I'll teach them to flout their new King - Then he told all his lads to get camp-stools And sit round the place in a ring. Now the burghers knew nowt about Crecy- They laughed when they saw Edward's plan- And thinking their side were still winning, They shrugged and said- " San fairy Ann." But they found at the end of a fortnight That things wasn't looking so nice, With nowt going out but the pigeons, And nowt coming in but the mice. For the soldiers sat round on their camp-stools, And never a foot did they stir, But passed their time doing their knitting, And crosswords, and things like that there. The burghers began to get desperate Wi' t' food supply sinking so low, For they'd nowt left but dry bread and water, Or what they called in French "pang" and "oh" They stuck it all autumn and winter, But when at last spring came around They was bothered, bewitched and beleaguered, And cods' heads was tenpence a pound. So they hung a white flag on the ramparts To show they was sick of this 'ere- And the soldiers, who'd finished their knitting, All stood up and gave them a cheer. When King Edward heard they had surrendered He said to them, in their own tongue, "You've kept me here all football season, And twelve of you's got to be hung." Then up stood the Lord Mayor of Calais, "I'll make one" he gallantly cried- Then he called to his friends on the Council To make up the rest of the side. When the townspeople heard of the hanging They rushed in a crowd through the gate- They was all weeping tears of compassion, And hoping they wasn't too late. With ropes round their necks the twelve heroes Stood proudly awaiting their doom, Till the hangman at last crooked his finger And coaxingly said to them-" Come. At that moment good Queen Phillippa Ran out of her bower and said- Oh, do have some mercy, my husband; Oh don't be so spiteful, dear Ted." Then down on her knee-joints before them She flopped, and in accents that rang, Said, "Please, Edward, just to oblige me, You can't let these poor burghers hang. The King was so touched with her pleading, He lifted his wife by the hand And he gave her all twelve as a keepsake And peace once again reigned in the land.