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Best Famous Droll Poems

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Written by Edwin Arlington Robinson | Create an image from this poem

Peace on Earth

 He took a frayed hat from his head, 
And “Peace on Earth” was what he said.
“A morsel out of what you’re worth, And there we have it: Peace on Earth.
Not much, although a little more Than what there was on earth before I’m as you see, I’m Ichabod,— But never mind the ways I’ve trod; I’m sober now, so help me God.
” I could not pass the fellow by.
“Do you believe in God?” said I; “And is there to be Peace on Earth?” “Tonight we celebrate the birth,” He said, “of One who died for men; The Son of God, we say.
What then? Your God, or mine? I’d make you laugh Were I to tell you even half That I have learned of mine today Where yours would hardly seem to stay.
Could He but follow in and out Some anthropoids I know about, The god to whom you may have prayed Might see a world He never made.
” “Your words are flowing full,” said I; “But yet they give me no reply; Your fountain might as well be dry.
” “A wiser One than you, my friend, Would wait and hear me to the end; And for his eyes a light would shine Through this unpleasant shell of mine That in your fancy makes of me A Christmas curiosity.
All right, I might be worse than that; And you might now be lying flat; I might have done it from behind, And taken what there was to find.
Don’t worry, for I’m not that kind.
‘Do I believe in God?’ Is that The price tonight of a new hat? Has he commanded that his name Be written everywhere the same? Have all who live in every place Identified his hidden face? Who knows but he may like as well My story as one you may tell? And if he show me there be Peace On Earth, as there be fields and trees Outside a jail-yard, am I wrong If now I sing him a new song? Your world is in yourself, my friend, For your endurance to the end; And all the Peace there is on Earth Is faith in what your world is worth, And saying, without any lies, Your world could not be otherwise.
” “One might say that and then be shot,” I told him; and he said: “Why not?” I ceased, and gave him rather more Than he was counting of my store.
“And since I have it, thanks to you, Don’t ask me what I mean to do,” Said he.
“Believe that even I Would rather tell the truth than lie— On Christmas Eve.
No matter why.
” His unshaved, educated face, His inextinguishable grace.
And his hard smile, are with me still, Deplore the vision as I will; For whatsoever he be at, So droll a derelict as that Should have at least another hat.


Written by Ralph Waldo Emerson | Create an image from this poem

Account Of A Visit From St. Nicholas

 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house, 
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St.
Nicholas soon would be there; The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugar plums danc'd in their heads, And Mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap— When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow, Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below; When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny rein-deer, With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St.
Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and call'd them by name: "Now! Dasher, now! Dancer, now! Prancer, and Vixen, "On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Dunder and Blixem1; "To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! "Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!" As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky; So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, With the sleigh full of Toys—and St.
Nicholas too: And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St.
Nicholas came with a bound: He was dress'd all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnish'd with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys was flung on his back, And he look'd like a peddler just opening his pack: His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry, His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry; His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow.
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face, and a little round belly That shook when he laugh'd, like a bowl full of jelly: He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laugh'd when I saw him in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And fill'd all the stockings; then turn'd with a jerk, And laying his finger aside of his nose And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
He sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle: But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight— Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
NOTES: In the year 2000, Don Foster, an English professor at Vassar College in Poughkeepsie, New York, used external and internal evidence to show that Clement Clarke Moore could not have been the author of this poem, but that it was probably the work of Livingston, and that Moore had written another, and almost forgotten, Christmas piece, "Old Santeclaus.
" Foster's analysis of this deception appears in his Author Unknown: On the Trail of Anonymous (New York: Henry Holt, 2000): 221-75.
22.
1Later revised to "Donder and Blitzen" by Clement Clarke Moore when he took credit for the poem in Poems (New York: Bartlett and Welford, 1844).
Source: http://www.
library.
utoronto.
ca/utel/rp/poems/livingston1.
html
Written by Anne Sexton | Create an image from this poem

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

 No matter what life you lead
the virgin is a lovely number:
cheeks as fragile as cigarette paper,
arms and legs made of Limoges,
lips like Vin Du Rhône,
rolling her china-blue doll eyes
open and shut.
Open to say, Good Day Mama, and shut for the thrust of the unicorn.
She is unsoiled.
She is as white as a bonefish.
Once there was a lovely virgin called Snow White.
Say she was thirteen.
Her stepmother, a beauty in her own right, though eaten, of course, by age, would hear of no beauty surpassing her own.
Beauty is a simple passion, but, oh my friends, in the end you will dance the fire dance in iron shoes.
The stepmother had a mirror to which she referred-- something like the weather forecast-- a mirror that proclaimed the one beauty of the land.
She would ask, Looking glass upon the wall, who is fairest of us all? And the mirror would reply, You are the fairest of us all.
Pride pumped in her like poison.
Suddenly one day the mirror replied, Queen, you are full fair, 'tis true, but Snow White is fairer than you.
Until that moment Snow White had been no more important than a dust mouse under the bed.
But now the queen saw brown spots on her hand and four whiskers over her lip so she condemned Snow White to be hacked to death.
Bring me her heart, she said to the hunter, and I will salt it and eat it.
The hunter, however, let his prisoner go and brought a boar's heart back to the castle.
The queen chewed it up like a cube steak.
Now I am fairest, she said, lapping her slim white fingers.
Snow White walked in the wildwood for weeks and weeks.
At each turn there were twenty doorways and at each stood a hungry wolf, his tongue lolling out like a worm.
The birds called out lewdly, talking like pink parrots, and the snakes hung down in loops, each a noose for her sweet white neck.
On the seventh week she came to the seventh mountain and there she found the dwarf house.
It was as droll as a honeymoon cottage and completely equipped with seven beds, seven chairs, seven forks and seven chamber pots.
Snow White ate seven chicken livers and lay down, at last, to sleep.
The dwarfs, those little hot dogs, walked three times around Snow White, the sleeping virgin.
They were wise and wattled like small czars.
Yes.
It's a good omen, they said, and will bring us luck.
They stood on tiptoes to watch Snow White wake up.
She told them about the mirror and the killer-queen and they asked her to stay and keep house.
Beware of your stepmother, they said.
Soon she will know you are here.
While we are away in the mines during the day, you must not open the door.
Looking glass upon the wall .
.
.
The mirror told and so the queen dressed herself in rags and went out like a peddler to trap Snow White.
She went across seven mountains.
She came to the dwarf house and Snow White opened the door and bought a bit of lacing.
The queen fastened it tightly around her bodice, as tight as an Ace bandage, so tight that Snow White swooned.
She lay on the floor, a plucked daisy.
When the dwarfs came home they undid the lace and she revived miraculously.
She was as full of life as soda pop.
Beware of your stepmother, they said.
She will try once more.
Snow White, the dumb bunny, opened the door and she bit into a poison apple and fell down for the final time.
When the dwarfs returned they undid her bodice, they looked for a comb, but it did no good.
Though they washed her with wine and rubbed her with butter it was to no avail.
She lay as still as a gold piece.
The seven dwarfs could not bring themselves to bury her in the black ground so they made a glass coffin and set it upon the seventh mountain so that all who passed by could peek in upon her beauty.
A prince came one June day and would not budge.
He stayed so long his hair turned green and still he would not leave.
The dwarfs took pity upon him and gave him the glass Snow White-- its doll's eyes shut forever-- to keep in his far-off castle.
As the prince's men carried the coffin they stumbled and dropped it and the chunk of apple flew out of her throat and she woke up miraculously.
And thus Snow White became the prince's bride.
The wicked queen was invited to the wedding feast and when she arrived there were red-hot iron shoes, in the manner of red-hot roller skates, clamped upon her feet.
First your toes will smoke and then your heels will turn black and you will fry upward like a frog, she was told.
And so she danced until she was dead, a subterranean figure, her tongue flicking in and out like a gas jet.
Meanwhile Snow White held court, rolling her china-blue doll eyes open and shut and sometimes referring to her mirror as women do.
Written by Robert Burns | Create an image from this poem

Tam OShanter

 A Tale

"Of Brownyis and of Bogilis full is this Buke.
" —Gawin Douglas.
When chapman billies leave the street, And drouthy neebors neebors meet, As market-days are wearing late, An' folk begin to tak' the gate; While we sit bousing at the nappy, An' getting fou and unco happy, We think na on the lang Scots miles, The mosses, waters, slaps, and stiles, That lie between us and our hame, Whare sits our sulky, sullen dame, Gathering her brows like gathering storm, Nursing her wrath to keep it warm.
This truth fand honest Tam o'Shanter, As he frae Ayr ae night did canter, (Auld Ayr, wham ne'er a town surpasses, For honest men and bonie lasses).
O Tam! hadst thou but been sae wise, As ta'en thy ain wife Kate's advice! She tauld thee weel thou was a skellum, A blethering, blustering, drunken blellum, That frae November till October, Ae market-day thou was nae sober; That ilka melder, wi' the miller, Thou sat as lang as thou had siller; That ev'ry naig was ca'd a shoe on, The smith and thee gat roarin fou on; That at the Lord's house, ev'n on Sunday, Thou drank wi' Kirkton Jean till Monday.
She prophesied that, late or soon, Thou would be found deep drowned in Doon; Or catched wi' warlocks in the mirk, By Alloway's auld haunted kirk.
Ah, gentle dames! it gars me greet, To think how mony counsels sweet, How mony lengthened sage advices, The husband frae the wife despises! But to our tale: Ae market-night, Tam had got planted unco right; Fast by an ingle, bleezing finely, Wi' reaming swats, that drank divinely; And at his elbow, Souter Johnny, His ancient, trusty, drouthy crony; Tam lo'ed him like a vera brither; They had been fou for weeks thegither.
The night drave on wi' sangs an' clatter; And aye the ale was growing better: The landlady and Tam grew gracious, Wi' favours, secret, sweet, and precious: The Souter tauld his queerest stories; The landlord's laugh was ready chorus: The storm without might rair and rustle, Tam did na mind the storm a whistle.
Care, mad to see a man sae happy, E'en drowned himself amang the nappy; As bees flee hame wi' lades o' treasure, The minutes winged their way wi' pleasure: Kings may be blest, but Tam was glorious, O'er a' the ills o' life victorious! But pleasures are like poppies spread, You seize the flow'r, its bloom is shed; Or like the snow falls in the river, A moment white—then melts for ever; Or like the borealis race, That flit ere you can point their place; Or like the rainbow's lovely form Evanishing amid the storm.
— Nae man can tether time or tide; The hour approaches Tam maun ride; That hour, o' night's black arch the key-stane, That dreary hour he mounts his beast in; And sic a night he tak's the road in, As ne'er poor sinner was abroad in.
The wind blew as 'twad blawn its last; The rattling showers rose on the blast; The speedy gleams the darkness swallowed; Loud, deep, and lang the thunder bellowed: That night, a child might understand, The De'il had business on his hand.
Weel mounted on his grey mare, Meg, A better never lifted leg, Tam skelpit on thro' dub and mire, Despising wind, and rain, and fire; Whiles holding fast his gude blue bonnet; Whiles crooning o'er some auld Scots sonnet; Whiles glow'rin round wi' prudent cares, Lest bogles catch him unawares; Kirk-Alloway was drawing nigh, Whare ghaists and houlets nightly cry.
By this time he was cross the ford, Whare in the snaw the chapman smoored; And past the birks and meikle stane, Whare drunken Charlie brak's neck-bane; And thro' the whins, and by the cairn, Whare hunters fand the murdered bairn; And near the thorn, aboon the well, Whare Mungo's mither hanged hersel'.
Before him Doon pours all his floods; The doubling storm roars thro' the woods; The lightnings flash from pole to pole; Near and more near the thunders roll; When, glimmering thro' the groaning trees, Kirk-Alloway seemed in a bleeze; Thro' ilka bore the beams were glancing; And loud resounded mirth and dancing.
Inspiring bold John Barleycorn! What dangers thou canst mak' us scorn! Wi' tippenny, we fear nae evil; Wi' usquabae, we'll face the devil! The swats sae reamed in Tammie's noddle, Fair play, he cared na deils a boddle.
But Maggie stood right sair astonished, Till, by the heel and hand admonished, She ventured forward on the light; And, wow! Tam saw an unco sight! Warlocks and witches in a dance; Nae cotillion, brent new frae France, But hornpipes, jigs, strathspeys, and reels, Put life and mettle in their heels.
A winnock-bunker in the east, There sat auld Nick, in shape o' beast; A towzie tyke, black, grim, and large, To gie them music was his charge: He screwed the pipes and gart them skirl, Till roof and rafters a' did dirl.
— Coffins stood round, like open presses, That shawed the Dead in their last dresses; And by some devilish cantraip sleight Each in its cauld hand held a light, By which heroic Tam was able To note upon the haly table, A murderer's banes in gibbet-airns; Twa span-lang, wee, unchristened bairns; A thief, new-cutted frae a rape, Wi' his last gasp his gab did gape; Five tomahawks, wi' blude red-rusted; Five scimitars, wi' murder crusted; A garter, which a babe had strangled; A knife, a father's throat had mangled, Whom his ain son o' life bereft, The grey hairs yet stack to the heft; Wi' mair of horrible and awfu', Which even to name wad be unlawfu'.
As Tammie glowered, amazed and curious, The mirth and fun grew fast and furious: The Piper loud and louder blew; The dancers quick and quicker flew; They reeled, they set, they crossed, they cleekit, Till ilka carlin swat and reekit, And coost her duddies to the wark, And linket at it in her sark! Now Tam, O Tam! had they been queans, A' plump and strapping in their teens; Their sarks, instead o' creeshie flainen, Been snaw-white seventeen hunder linen!— Thir breeks o' mine, my only pair, That ance were plush, o' gude blue hair, I wad hae gi'en them off my hurdies, For ae blink o' the bonie burdies! But withered beldams, auld and droll, Rigwoodie hags wad spean a foal, Lowping and flinging on a crummock, I wonder didna turn thy stomach.
But Tam kenned what was what fu' brawlie: `There was ae winsome wench and waulie', That night enlisted in the core (Lang after kenned on Carrick shore; For mony a beast to dead she shot, And perished mony a bonie boat, And shook baith meikle corn and bear, And kept the country-side in fear); Her cutty sark, o' Paisley harn, That while a lassie she had worn, In longitude tho' sorely scanty, It was her best, and she was vauntie.
Ah! little kenned thy reverend grannie, That sark she coft for her wee Nannie, Wi' twa pund Scots ('twas a' her riches), Wad ever graced a dance of witches! But here my Muse her wing maun cour, Sic flights are far beyond her power; To sing how Nannie lap and flang, (A souple jade she was and strang), And how Tam stood, like ane bewitched, And thought his very een enriched; Even Satan glowered, and fidged fu' fain, And hotched and blew wi' might and main: Till first ae caper, syne anither, Tam tint his reason a' thegither, And roars out, "Weel done, Cutty-sark!" And in an instant all was dark: And scarcely had he Maggie rallied, When out the hellish legion sallied.
As bees bizz out wi' angry fyke, When plundering herds assail their byke; As open pussie's mortal foes, When, pop! she starts before their nose; As eager runs the market-crowd, When "Catch the thief!" resounds aloud; So Maggie runs, the witches follow, Wi' mony an eldritch screech and hollow.
Ah, Tam! ah, Tam! thou'll get thy fairin! In hell they'll roast thee like a herrin! In vain thy Kate awaits thy comin! Kate soon will be a woefu' woman! Now, do thy speedy utmost, Meg, And win the key-stane of the brig; There at them thou thy tail may toss, A running stream they dare na cross.
But ere the key-stane she could make, The fient a tail she had to shake! For Nannie, far before the rest, Hard upon noble Maggie prest, And flew at Tam wi' furious ettle; But little wist she Maggie's mettle— Ae spring brought off her master hale, But left behind her ain grey tail: The carlin claught her by the rump, And left poor Maggie scarce a stump.
Now, wha this tale o' truth shall read, Ilk man and mother's son, take heed: Whene'er to drink you are inclined, Or cutty-sarks run in your mind, Think, ye may buy the joys o'er dear, Remember Tam o'Shanter's mare.
Written by Ralph Waldo Emerson | Create an image from this poem

Account of a Visit From ST. Nicholas

 "Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St.
Nicholas soon would be there; The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugar plums danc'd in their heads, And mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap-- When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash.
The boon on the breast of the new fallen snow, Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below; When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny rein-deer, With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I new in a moment it must be St.
Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and call'd them by name: "Now! Dasher, now! Dancer, now! Prancer, and Vixen, "On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Dunder and Blixem; "To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! "Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!" As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky; So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, With the sleigh full of Toys--and St.
Nicholas too: And then in a twinkling, I heard on the root The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St.
Nicholas came with a bound: He was dress'd in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnish'd with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys was flung on his back, And he look'd like a peddler just opening his pack: His eyes--how they twinkled! his dimples how merry, His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry; His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow.
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face, and a little round belly That shook when he laugh'd, like a bowl full of jelly: He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laugh'd when I saw him in spite of myself; A wink of his eye hand a twist of his head Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And fill'd all the stockings; and turn'd with a jerk, And laying his finger aside of his nose And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
He spring to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle: But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of site-- Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.


Written by C K Williams | Create an image from this poem

THE SINGING

 I was walking home down a hill near our house 
 on a balmy afternoon
under the blossoms
Of the pear trees that go flamboyantly mad here 
 every spring with
their burgeoning forth

When a young man turned in from a corner singing 
 no it was more of
a cadenced shouting
Most of which I couldn't catch I thought because 
 the young man was
black speaking black

It didn't matter I could tell he was making his 
 song up which pleased 
me he was nice-looking
Husky dressed in some style of big pants obviously 
 full of himself
hence his lyrical flowing over

We went along in the same direction then he noticed 
 me there almost
beside him and "Big"
He shouted-sang "Big" and I thought how droll 
 to have my height
incorporated in his song

So I smiled but the face of the young man showed nothing 
 he looked
in fact pointedly away
And his song changed "I'm not a nice person"
 he chanted "I'm not
I'm not a nice person"

No menace was meant I gathered no particular threat
 but he did want
to be certain I knew
That if my smile implied I conceived of anything like concord
between us I should forget it

That's all nothing else happened his song became 
 indecipherable to
me again he arrived
Where he was going a house where a girl in braids 
 waited for him on
the porch that was all

No one saw no one heard all the unasked and 
 unanswered questions
were left where they were
It occurred to me to sing back "I'm not a nice 
 person either" but I
couldn't come up with a tune

Besides I wouldn't have meant it nor he have believed 
 it both of us
knew just where we were
In the duet we composed the equation we made 
 the conventions to
which we were condemned

Sometimes it feels even when no one is there that 
 someone something
is watching and listening
Someone to rectify redo remake this time again though 
 no one saw nor
heard no one was there
Written by Robert William Service | Create an image from this poem

The Haggis Of Private McPhee

 "Hae ye heard whit ma auld mither's postit tae me?
It fair maks me hamesick," says Private McPhee.
"And whit did she send ye?" says Private McPhun, As he cockit his rifle and bleezed at a Hun.
"A haggis! A Haggis!" says Private McPhee; "The brawest big haggis I ever did see.
And think! it's the morn when fond memory turns Tae haggis and whuskey--the Birthday o' Burns.
We maun find a dram; then we'll ca' in the rest O' the lads, and we'll hae a Burns' Nicht wi' the best.
" "Be ready at sundoon," snapped Sergeant McCole; "I want you two men for the List'nin' Patrol.
" Then Private McPhee looked at Private McPhun: "I'm thinkin', ma lad, we're confoundedly done.
" Then Private McPhun looked at Private McPhee: "I'm thinkin' auld chap, it's a' aff wi' oor spree.
" But up spoke their crony, wee Wullie McNair: "Jist lea' yer braw haggis for me tae prepare; And as for the dram, if I search the camp roun', We maun hae a drappie tae jist haud it doon.
Sae rin, lads, and think, though the nicht it be black, O' the haggis that's waitin' ye when ye get back.
" My! but it wis waesome on Naebuddy's Land, And the deid they were rottin' on every hand.
And the rockets like corpse candles hauntit the sky, And the winds o' destruction went shudderin' by.
There wis skelpin' o' bullets and skirlin' o' shells, And breengin' o' bombs and a thoosand death-knells; But cooryin' doon in a Jack Johnson hole Little fashed the twa men o' the List'nin' Patrol.
For sweeter than honey and bricht as a gem Wis the thocht o' the haggis that waitit for them.
Yet alas! in oor moments o' sunniest cheer Calamity's aften maist cruelly near.
And while the twa talked o' their puddin' divine The Boches below them were howkin' a mine.
And while the twa cracked o' the feast they would hae, The fuse it wis burnin' and burnin' away.
Then sudden a roar like the thunner o' doom, A hell-leap o' flame .
.
.
then the wheesht o' the tomb.
"Haw, Jock! Are ye hurtit?" says Private McPhun.
"Ay, Geordie, they've got me; I'm fearin' I'm done.
It's ma leg; I'm jist thinkin' it's aff at the knee; Ye'd best gang and leave me," says Private McPhee.
"Oh leave ye I wunna," says Private McPhun; "And leave ye I canna, for though I micht run, It's no faur I wud gang, it's no muckle I'd see: I'm blindit, and that's whit's the maitter wi' me.
" Then Private McPhee sadly shakit his heid: "If we bide here for lang, we'll be bidin' for deid.
And yet, Geordie lad, I could gang weel content If I'd tasted that haggis ma auld mither sent.
" "That's droll," says McPhun; "ye've jist speakit ma mind.
Oh I ken it's a terrible thing tae be blind; And yet it's no that that embitters ma lot-- It's missin' that braw muckle haggis ye've got.
" For a while they were silent; then up once again Spoke Private McPhee, though he whussilt wi' pain: "And why should we miss it? Between you and me We've legs for tae run, and we've eyes for tae see.
You lend me your shanks and I'll lend you ma sicht, And we'll baith hae a kyte-fu' o' haggis the nicht.
" Oh the sky it wis dourlike and dreepin' a wee, When Private McPhun gruppit Private McPhee.
Oh the glaur it wis fylin' and crieshin' the grun', When Private McPhee guidit Private McPhun.
"Keep clear o' them corpses--they're maybe no deid! Haud on! There's a big muckle crater aheid.
Look oot! There's a sap; we'll be haein' a coup.
A staur-shell! For Godsake! Doun, lad, on yer daup.
Bear aff tae yer richt.
.
.
.
Aw yer jist daein' fine: Before the nicht's feenished on haggis we'll dine.
" There wis death and destruction on every hand; There wis havoc and horror on Naebuddy's Land.
And the shells bickered doun wi' a crump and a glare, And the hameless wee bullets were dingin' the air.
Yet on they went staggerin', cooryin' doun When the stutter and cluck o' a Maxim crept roun'.
And the legs o' McPhun they were sturdy and stoot, And McPhee on his back kept a bonnie look-oot.
"On, on, ma brave lad! We're no faur frae the goal; I can hear the braw sweerin' o' Sergeant McCole.
" But strength has its leemit, and Private McPhun, Wi' a sab and a curse fell his length on the grun'.
Then Private McPhee shoutit doon in his ear: "Jist think o' the haggis! I smell it from here.
It's gushin' wi' juice, it's embaumin' the air; It's steamin' for us, and we're--jist--aboot--there.
" Then Private McPhun answers: "Dommit, auld chap! For the sake o' that haggis I'll gang till I drap.
" And he gets on his feet wi' a heave and a strain, And onward he staggers in passion and pain.
And the flare and the glare and the fury increase, Till you'd think they'd jist taken a' hell on a lease.
And on they go reelin' in peetifu' plight, And someone is shoutin' away on their right; And someone is runnin', and noo they can hear A sound like a prayer and a sound like a cheer; And swift through the crash and the flash and the din, The lads o' the Hielands are bringin' them in.
"They're baith sairly woundit, but is it no droll Hoo they rave aboot haggis?" says Sergeant McCole.
When hirplin alang comes wee Wullie McNair, And they a' wonnert why he wis greetin' sae sair.
And he says: "I'd jist liftit it oot o' the pot, And there it lay steamin' and savoury hot, When sudden I dooked at the fleech o' a shell, And it--dropped on the haggis and dinged it tae hell.
" And oh but the lads were fair taken aback; Then sudden the order wis passed tae attack, And up from the trenches like lions they leapt, And on through the nicht like a torrent they swept.
On, on, wi' their bayonets thirstin' before! On, on tae the foe wi' a rush and a roar! And wild to the welkin their battle-cry rang, And doon on the Boches like tigers they sprang: And there wisna a man but had death in his ee, For he thocht o' the haggis o' Private McPhee.
Written by Robert Burns | Create an image from this poem

310. Tam o' Shanter: A Tale

 WHEN chapman billies leave the street,
And drouthy neibors, neibors, meet;
As market days are wearing late,
And folk begin to tak the gate,
While we sit bousing at the nappy,
An’ getting fou and unco happy,
We think na on the lang Scots miles,
The mosses, waters, slaps and stiles,
That lie between us and our hame,
Where sits our sulky, sullen dame,
Gathering her brows like gathering storm,
Nursing her wrath to keep it warm.
This truth fand honest TAM O’ SHANTER, As he frae Ayr ae night did canter: (Auld Ayr, wham ne’er a town surpasses, For honest men and bonie lasses).
O Tam! had’st thou but been sae wise, As taen thy ain wife Kate’s advice! She tauld thee weel thou was a skellum, A blethering, blustering, drunken blellum; That frae November till October, Ae market-day thou was na sober; That ilka melder wi’ the Miller, Thou sat as lang as thou had siller; That ev’ry naig was ca’d a shoe on The Smith and thee gat roarin’ fou on; That at the L—d’s house, ev’n on Sunday, Thou drank wi’ Kirkton Jean till Monday, She prophesied that late or soon, Thou wad be found, deep drown’d in Doon, Or catch’d wi’ warlocks in the mirk, By Alloway’s auld, haunted kirk.
Ah, gentle dames! it gars me greet, To think how mony counsels sweet, How mony lengthen’d, sage advices, The husband frae the wife despises! But to our tale:—Ae market night, Tam had got planted unco right, Fast by an ingle, bleezing finely, Wi reaming sAats, that drank divinely; And at his elbow, Souter Johnie, His ancient, trusty, drougthy crony: Tam lo’ed him like a very brither; They had been fou for weeks thegither.
The night drave on wi’ sangs an’ clatter; And aye the ale was growing better: The Landlady and Tam grew gracious, Wi’ favours secret, sweet, and precious: The Souter tauld his queerest stories; The Landlord’s laugh was ready chorus: The storm without might rair and rustle, Tam did na mind the storm a whistle.
Care, mad to see a man sae happy, E’en drown’d himsel amang the nappy.
As bees flee hame wi’ lades o’ treasure, The minutes wing’d their way wi’ pleasure: Kings may be blest, but Tam was glorious, O’er a’ the ills o’ life victorious! But pleasures are like poppies spread, You seize the flow’r, its bloom is shed; Or like the snow falls in the river, A moment white—then melts for ever; Or like the Borealis race, That flit ere you can point their place; Or like the Rainbow’s lovely form Evanishing amid the storm.
— Nae man can tether Time nor Tide, The hour approaches Tam maun ride; That hour, o’ night’s black arch the key-stane, That dreary hour he mounts his beast in; And sic a night he taks the road in, As ne’er poor sinner was abroad in.
The wind blew as ’twad blawn its last; The rattling showers rose on the blast; The speedy gleams the darkness swallow’d; Loud, deep, and lang, the thunder bellow’d: That night, a child might understand, The deil had business on his hand.
Weel-mounted on his grey mare, Meg, A better never lifted leg, Tam skelpit on thro’ dub and mire, Despising wind, and rain, and fire; Whiles holding fast his gude blue bonnet, Whiles crooning o’er some auld Scots sonnet, Whiles glow’rin round wi’ prudent cares, Lest bogles catch him unawares; Kirk-Alloway was drawing nigh, Where ghaists and houlets nightly cry.
By this time he was cross the ford, Where in the snaw the chapman smoor’d; And past the birks and meikle stane, Where drunken Charlie brak’s neck-bane; And thro’ the whins, and by the cairn, Where hunters fand the murder’d bairn; And near the thorn, aboon the well, Where Mungo’s mither hang’d hersel’.
Before him Doon pours all his floods, The doubling storm roars thro’ the woods, The lightnings flash from pole to pole, Near and more near the thunders roll, When, glimmering thro’ the groaning trees, Kirk-Alloway seem’d in a bleeze, Thro’ ilka bore the beams were glancing, And loud resounded mirth and dancing.
Inspiring bold John Barleycorn! What dangers thou canst make us scorn! Wi’ tippenny, we fear nae evil; Wi’ usquabae, we’ll face the devil! The swats sae ream’d in Tammie’s noddle, Fair play, he car’d na deils a boddle, But Maggie stood, right sair astonish’d, Till, by the heel and hand admonish’d, She ventur’d forward on the light; And, wow! Tam saw an unco sight! Warlocks and witches in a dance: Nae cotillon, brent new frae France, But hornpipes, jigs, strathspeys, and reels, Put life and mettle in their heels.
A winnock-bunker in the east, There sat auld Nick, in shape o’ beast; A towzie tyke, black, grim, and large, To gie them music was his charge: He screw’d the pipes and gart them skirl, Till roof and rafters a’ did dirl.
— Coffins stood round, like open presses, That shaw’d the Dead in their last dresses; And (by some devilish cantraip sleight) Each in its cauld hand held a light.
By which heroic Tam was able To note upon the haly table, A murderer’s banes, in gibbet-airns; Twa span-lang, wee, unchristened bairns; A thief, new-cutted frae a rape, Wi’ his last gasp his gabudid gape; Five tomahawks, wi’ blude red-rusted: Five scimitars, wi’ murder crusted; A garter which a babe had strangled: A knife, a father’s throat had mangled.
Whom his ain son of life bereft, The grey-hairs yet stack to the heft; Wi’ mair of horrible and awfu’, Which even to name wad be unlawfu’.
As Tammie glowr’d, amaz’d, and curious, The mirth and fun grew fast and furious; The Piper loud and louder blew, The dancers quick and quicker flew, The reel’d, they set, they cross’d, they cleekit, Till ilka carlin swat and reekit, And coost her duddies to the wark, And linkit at it in her sark! Now Tam, O Tam! had they been queans, A’ plump and strapping in their teens! Their sarks, instead o’ creeshie flainen, Been snaw-white seventeen hunder linen!— Thir breeks o’ mine, my only pair, That ance were plush o’ guid blue hair, I wad hae gien them off my hurdies, For ae blink o’ the bonie burdies! But wither’d beldams, auld and droll, Rigwoodie hags wad spean a foal, Louping an’ flinging on a crummock.
I wonder did na turn thy stomach.
But Tam kent what was what fu’ brawlie: There was ae winsome wench and waulie That night enlisted in the core, Lang after ken’d on Carrick shore; (For mony a beast to dead she shot, And perish’d mony a bonie boat, And shook baith meikle corn and bear, And kept the country-side in fear); Her cutty sark, o’ Paisley harn, That while a lassie she had worn, In longitude tho’ sorely scanty, It was her best, and she was vauntie.
Ah! little ken’d thy reverend grannie, That sark she coft for her wee Nannie, Wi twa pund Scots (’twas a’ her riches), Wad ever grac’d a dance of witches! But here my Muse her wing maun cour, Sic flights are far beyond her power; To sing how Nannie lap and flang, (A souple jade she was and strang), And how Tam stood, like ane bewithc’d, And thought his very een enrich’d: Even Satan glowr’d, and fidg’d fu’ fain, And hotch’d and blew wi’ might and main: Till first ae caper, syne anither, Tam tint his reason a thegither, And roars out, “Weel done, Cutty-sark!” And in an instant all was dark: And scarcely had he Maggie rallied.
When out the hellish legion sallied.
As bees bizz out wi’ angry fyke, When plundering herds assail their byke; As open pussie’s mortal foes, When, pop! she starts before their nose; As eager runs the market-crowd, When “Catch the thief!” resounds aloud; So Maggie runs, the witches follow, Wi’ mony an eldritch skreich and hollow.
Ah, Tam! Ah, Tam! thou’ll get thy fairin! In hell, they’ll roast thee like a herrin! In vain thy Kate awaits thy comin! Kate soon will be a woefu’ woman! Now, do thy speedy-utmost, Meg, And win the key-stone o’ the brig; There, at them thou thy tail may toss, A running stream they dare na cross.
But ere the keystane she could make, The fient a tail she had to shake! For Nannie, far before the rest, Hard upon noble Maggie prest, And flew at Tam wi’ furious ettle; But little wist she Maggie’s mettle! Ae spring brought off her master hale, But left behind her ain grey tail: The carlin claught her by the rump, And left poor Maggie scarce a stump.
Now, wha this tale o’ truth shall read, Ilk man and mother’s son, take heed: Whene’er to Drink you are inclin’d, Or Cutty-sarks rin in your mind, Think ye may buy the joys o’er dear; Remember Tam o’ Shanter’s mare.
Written by Isaac Rosenberg | Create an image from this poem

Break of Day in the Trenches

 The darkness crumbles away 
It is the same old druid Time as ever, 
Only a live thing leaps my hand, 
A ***** sardonic rat, 
As I pull the parapet's poppy
To stick behind my ear.
Droll rat, they would shoot you if they knew Your cosmopolitan sympathies, Now you have touched this English hand You will do the same to a German Soon, no doubt, if it be your pleasure To cross the sleeping green between.
It seems you inwardly grin as you pass Strong eyes, fine limbs, haughty athletes, Less chanced than you for life, Bonds to the whims of murder, Sprawled in the bowels of the earth, The torn fields of France.
What do you see in our eyes At the shrieking iron and flame Hurled through still heavens? What quaver -what heart aghast? Poppies whose roots are in men's veins Drop, and are ever dropping; But mine in my ear is safe, Just a little white with the dust.
Written by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe | Create an image from this poem

LILYS MENAGERIE

 [Goethe describes this much-admired Poem, which 
he wrote in honour of his love Lily, as being "designed to change 
his surrender of her into despair, by drolly-fretful images.
"] THERE'S no menagerie, I vow, Excels my Lily's at this minute; She keeps the strangest creatures in it, And catches them, she knows not how.
Oh, how they hop, and run, and rave, And their clipp'd pinions wildly wave,-- Poor princes, who must all endure The pangs of love that nought can cure.
What is the fairy's name?--Is't Lily?--Ask not me! Give thanks to Heaven if she's unknown to thee.
Oh what a cackling, what a shrieking, When near the door she takes her stand, With her food-basket in her hand! Oh what a croaking, what a squeaking! Alive all the trees and the bushes appear, While to her feet whole troops draw near; The very fish within, the water clear Splash with impatience and their heads protrude; And then she throws around the food With such a look!--the very gods delighting (To say nought of beasts).
There begins, then, a biting, A picking, a pecking, a sipping, And each o'er the legs of another is tripping, And pushing, and pressing, and flapping, And chasing, and fuming, and snapping, And all for one small piece of bread, To which, though dry, her fair hands give a taste, As though it in ambrosia had been plac'd.
And then her look! the tone With which she calls: Pipi! Pipi! Would draw Jove's eagle from his throne; Yes, Venus' turtle doves, I wean, And the vain peacock e'en, Would come, I swear, Soon as that tone had reach'd them through the air.
E'en from a forest dark had she Enticed a bear, unlick'd, ill-bred, And, by her wiles alluring, led To join the gentle company, Until as tame as they was he: (Up to a certain point, be't understood!) How fair, and, ah, how good She seem'd to be! I would have drain'd my blood To water e'en her flow'rets sweet.
"Thou sayest: I! Who? How? And where?"-- Well, to be plain, good Sirs--I am the bear; In a net-apron, caught, alas! Chain'd by a silk-thread at her feet.
But how this wonder came to pass I'll tell some day, if ye are curious; Just now, my temper's much too furious.
Ah, when I'm in the corner plac'd, And hear afar the creatures snapping, And see the flipping and the flapping, I turn around With growling sound, And backward run a step in haste, And look around With growling sound.
Then run again a step in haste, And to my former post go round.
But suddenly my anger grows, A mighty spirit fills my nose, My inward feelings all revolt.
A creature such as thou! a dolt! Pipi, a squirrel able nuts to crack! I bristle up my shaggy back Unused a slave to be.
I'm laughed at by each trim and upstart tree To scorn.
The bowling-green I fly, With neatly-mown and well-kept grass: The box makes faces as I pass,-- Into the darkest thicket hasten I, Hoping to 'scape from the ring, Over the palings to spring! Vainly I leap and climb; I feel a leaden spell.
That pinions me as well, And when I'm fully wearied out in time, I lay me down beside some mock-cascade, And roll myself half dead, and foam, and cry, And, ah! no Oreads hear my sigh, Excepting those of china made! But, ah, with sudden power In all my members blissful feelings reign! 'Tis she who singeth yonder in her bower! I hear that darling, darling voice again.
The air is warm, and teems with fragrance clear, Sings she perchance for me alone to hear? I haste, and trample down the shrubs amain; The trees make way, the bushes all retreat, And so--the beast is lying at her feet.
She looks at him: "The monster's droll enough! He's, for a bear, too mild, Yet, for a dog, too wild, So shaggy, clumsy, rough!" Upon his back she gently strokes her foot; He thinks himself in Paradise.
What feelings through his seven senses shoot! But she looks on with careless eyes.
I lick her soles, and kiss her shoes, As gently as a bear well may; Softly I rise, and with a clever ruse Leap on her knee.
--On a propitious day She suffers it; my ears then tickles she, And hits me a hard blow in wanton play; I growl with new-born ecstasy; Then speaks she in a sweet vain jest, I wot "Allons lout doux! eh! la menotte! Et faites serviteur Comme un joli seigneur.
" Thus she proceeds with sport and glee; Hope fills the oft-deluded beast; Yet if one moment he would lazy be, Her fondness all at once hath ceas'd.
She doth a flask of balsam-fire possess, Sweeter than honey bees can make, One drop of which she'll on her finger take, When soften'd by his love and faithfulness, Wherewith her monster's raging thirst to slake; Then leaves me to myself, and flies at last, And I, unbound, yet prison'd fast By magic, follow in her train, Seek for her, tremble, fly again.
The hapless creature thus tormenteth she, Regardless of his pleasure or his woe; Ha! oft half-open'd does she leave the door for me, And sideways looks to learn if I will fly or no.
And I--Oh gods! your hands alone Can end the spell that's o'er me thrown; Free me, and gratitude my heart will fill; And yet from heaven ye send me down no aid-- Not quite in vain doth life my limbs pervade: I feel it! Strength is left me still.
1775.

Book: Reflection on the Important Things