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The Czars Last Christmas Letter: A Barn in the Urals

 You were never told, Mother, how old Illyawas drunk
That last holiday, for five days and nights

He stumbled through Petersburg forming
A choir of mutes, he dressed them in pink ascension gowns

And, then, sold Father's Tirietz stallion so to rent
A hall for his Christmas recital: the audience

Was rowdy but Illya in his black robes turned on them
And gave them that look of his; the hall fell silent

And violently he threw his hair to the side and up
Went the baton, the recital ended exactly one hour

Later when Illya suddenly turned and bowed
And his mutes bowed, and what applause and hollering

All of his cronies were there! Illya told us later that he thought the voices Of mutes combine in a sound Like wind passing through big, winter pines.
Mother, if for no other reason I regret the war With Japan for, you must now be told, It took the servant, Illya, from us.
It was confirmed.
He would sit on the rocks by the water and with his stiletto Open clams and pop the raw meats into his mouth And drool and laugh at us children.
We hear guns often, now, down near the village.
Don't think me a coward, Mother, but it is comfortable Now that I am no longer Czar.
I can take pleasure From just a cup of clear water.
I hear Illya's choir often.
I teach the children about decreasing fractions, that is A lesson best taught by the father.
Alexandra conducts the French and singing lessons.
Mother, we are again a physical couple.
I brush out her hair for her at night.
She thinks that we'll be rowing outside Geneva By the spring.
I hope she won't be disappointed.
Yesterday morning while bread was frying In one corner, she in another washed all of her legs Right in front of the children.
I think We became sad at her beauty.
She has a purple bruise On an ankle.
Like Illya I made her chew on mint.
Our Christmas will be in this excellent barn.
The guards flirt with your granddaughters and I see.
I see nothing wrong with it.
Your little one, who is Now a woman, made one soldier pose for her, she did Him in charcoal, but as a bold nude.
He was Such an obvious virgin about it; he was wonderful! Today, that same young man found us an enormous azure And pearl samovar.
Once, he called me Great Father And got confused.
He refused to let me touch him.
I know they keep your letters from us.
But, Mother, The day they finally put them in my hands I'll know that possessing them I am condemned And possibly even my wife, and my children.
We will drink mint tea this evening.
Will each of us be increased by death? With fractions as the bottom integer gets bigger, Mother, it Represents less.
That's the feeling I have about This letter.
I am at your request, The Czar.
And I am Nicholas.

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