The wish
I'm in a meadow enriched with wild flowers, their beauty overwhelms me yet I cannot smell the sweetness of their fragrance. There's a breeze, I watch in awe as the long grasses sway back and forth in perfect rhythm, as if performing some secret dance. I imagine the breeze to be warm, for I cannot feel it. I look around taking in the wonders that surround me. A beautiful landscape draped in lush vibrant colours. The sun is radiating in the bluest of sky's. It's beams of gold rain down upon this place illuminating everything it touches. It's warmth brings life yet I cannot feel it. I feel neither hot nor cold. Creatures of the land and sky carry on their normal routine unaware of my presence, but I see them in their magnificence. This place seems familiar to me and yet I have never been here before. I suddenly feel a presence, it engulfs me drawing me to it. I hear a familiar voice. It's calling my name. It is you, you are here.
I want to tell you I wish I had known you better. I wish I had taken the time to ask about your life, hear stories from your childhood, Listen with enthusiasm as you share with me the places you have travelled and the people you have met along life's journey, but most of all, and most importantly, I want to tell you that you were loved in life as in death, but no words can capture what is truly in my heart, so I shall say nothing. Our souls are bound by unspoken words. I stand in silence. Tears flow from my eyes as I look upon the man who held me in his arms as a child and who carries me still, an unseen force, watching over me, keeping me safe.
It is said, to take your own life is a sin, and for a long time I worried where your soul would go after death. Would heaven open its pearly gates and welcome you. Would God feel your pain. Would he comfort and heal you. Would you finally find the happiness in death that you longed for in life. I look around at this utopia, this paradise, and all my fears dissipate. You are well again. God in his mercy has redeemed you, he has looked into your heart and seen you were a good man, he has seen your courage and compassion. God has given you your wish and in doing so granted me mine. There you stand before me restored, dressed in a army uniform, young and handsome as you once were all those years ago. I see you smile and my heart overflows with joy. You have taken me through the looking glass, a glimpse into your world and I see a place without prejudice or judgement, only peace and love and one day, when my time has come and death is near, you will come for me father, embrace me, lift me high in your arms and for the very last time, carry me once more.
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