Notes by a Mad Scientist -- from Underground
Ever since I was 20 or so, I've dreamed of a scientific genius who might be out there somewhere trying to explode the whole earth -- to eliminate all the human sufferings and stupidities. The following is just a humble attempt on my part to depict my dear scientist friend. I hope you'll enjoy his pathetic monologue:
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So here I am. I'm a scientist. I graduated from Oxford and later on from Harvard, earning all the PhDs required to make my dream come true. After that it took me forty years of desperate research and millions of dollars to accomplish what I have here now. Having spent all my energy and money I'd inherited from my insane parents, I don't have any more courage or money left to live another day. I'm dead tired.
Now what have I accomplished, you ask? Well, none other than a super-hydrogen bomb! I have it here underneath my floor. It's powerful enough to explode the entire sun, I hope, so it must be enough to make the entire earth perish in a split second.
Here I have the pushbutton on the console that will trigger the bomb. I have only to press it to put the whole world into billions of pieces, making them vanish into thin air.
Why do I want to destroy the earth, you ask? You don't know why? Can't you ever guess? It's quite evident, isn't it? Oh, you still don't have a clue? Okay, I'll tell you. Ever since I was five, I've seen all the human sufferings, stupidity, pettiness, and misery and I've always sobbed bitterly for the whole mankind. I feel sorry not only for humans but for all the other creatures as well. Well, not only for creatures but for minerals and other atoms and molecules as well.
Why is that, you ask? Haven't you ever felt sorry for the misery of all these petty existences? People are crying, dying, being massacred, butchered, beaten, deprived of freedom, robbed, raped, and all that. How can you put up with all that? How can you just sit back and have a good time, while there are others out there who are experiencing all those misfortunes?
It's definitely wrong for humans, other creatures, and minerals and other existences to exist in this universe. People and everything else must perish. Otherwise the universe will have to keep suffering. The universe itself should perish. The universe itself is twisted, distorted, wicked, dark, and sinful. We humans, who happen to be smart enough to destroy ourselves, should by now have created something to destroy both ourselves and the rest of the universe (or if that is impossible, at least to destroy the earth) to make all this eternal misery end.
Here I see this pushbutton right at hand. Now I'm quite ready to press it. On behalf of the entire universe, I'm really glad that I have this honor to destroy myself, the rest of humankind, and the rest of the earth, all of whom and all of which have been horribly ugly, petty, miserable, pathetique, cruel, atrocious, and sinful and definitely deserve to perish altogether -- never to be brought back into existence ever again.
Although a diehard atheist, I now declare I thank God for His having given me this talent to invent this valuable super-hydrogen bomb.
Here I go! I'm pressing the button. Farewell!
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