A dead reckoning crash course in existential awakening
Scads of decades ago after a near head on collision resulted, thus try to imagine the following scenario.
An automobile accident (my bad) that played out in slow motion when I did NOT quite completely make the left turn onto Johnson Avenue off Lincoln Drive, (whereat the seatbelt became taut, but the air bags did not get deployed) to attend a singles event, which I did reach (approximately three and a half decades - almost one score and v cubed years ago) at the Mount Airy Unitarian Church and collided (at a low speed) with another vehicle, when the sensible reaction would have been utter horror, but I seemed rather unphased and did not console the person(s) of color in the other vehicle and after the social for singles, (cuz I enjoyed bachelorhood) drove the damaged 1987 (?) Ford Escort back (not to the house at Pooh's Corner), but rather 324 Level Road, Collegeville, Pennsylvania - the house where most of my growing up years (mis)spent, witnessing hollow ultimatums issued out the mouth of my father, (who art thou in heaven - the area set aside for the dead souls of lapsed Unitarians and at least one atheist), whose person did not take kindly NOT only to my lack of gainful employment, but dearth of contributing with appellation called pitching in with family domestic tasks and filed for a refund (even if just mere pennies on the dollar) of one particular January thirteenth ninety fifty nine model and frequently scowled while uttering, vocalizing, and writhing with unflattering colorful expletives until he expelled built up anger and deflated analogous to a balloon, and/or realized his mortified, petrified, and stupified son practically falling asleep while standing up, which submissiveness would take an about face later in mein kampf when intolerance character assasination toward me would be replaced by communication defending expressing abomination toward writer of these words experiencing being vocally battered by anyone voicing vitriolic venomous vulanic vituperation toward me videre licet I took a stance of actively reciprocating word for word defense of self. All throughout childhood, adolescence, and emerging adulthood, yours truly (me - "Johnny-come-lately" shied away from the ordinary process of autonomy, and realm of healthy socialization) frequently at the receiving end of blackened barbs, or in other words a scapegoat from bullies, who (like a kamikaze fighter pilot) zeroed in on my many vulnerabilities such as being diminutive in height and weight, gifted with a submucous cleft palate - split uvula, which gave my verbalization, particularly premature spontaneous ejaculations to sound significantly nasal, plus being a painfully introverted lad, and then as an older person the lucky recipient of scathing wrath from those who brought the writer of these words into existence, which cumulative verbal abuse could be categorized as post traumatic stress disorder, and even absent being bullied a slew of mental health issues (came bundled with this package hashtagged Matthew Scott Harris, who with prescription medication management) such as anxiety/panic attacks, dysthymia, obsessive compulsive disorder and palmar hyperhidrosis now at the ripe old age of sixty seven shed major fixation (and ritualistic antics tied into hair) risks taking interpersonal attempts at friendship with a little help from my friends, id est with the following names and in parenthesis their nickname: buspirone hcl (spiro), clomipramine (mipro), cyclobenzaprine (cyclo), diazepam, fluoxetine hcl (fluoro), glycopyrrolate (glyco), naproxen (napro), prazosin (prozo), risperidone (risper), and last but not least ropinirole hcl (ropini).
The most significant downside from one or more of these approved drugs, would characterize would include an absolute zero libido versus the tsunami like surge of hormonal secretion (approximately my half-life ago), vivid (ofttimes frightful and vivid) dreams (case in point such as the description as told in the above paragraphs) that effect functionality quite a few hours after arising from getting some shut-eye, and weight gain (metabolic alteration) most specifically around the waist in part due to lethargy, hence reliance on caffeine in one form or another such as coffee or those little bottles of five-hour energy drinks, which I dilute, but nevertheless still reap the benefits of a boost or jolt to stay alert (cause we need more lerts) to be on the look-out for adam and the ants, beastie boys, def leppard, foo fighting police, guns n' roses, rolling stones, the body snatchers, the cramps, the human league, the turtles, and the who, if you did not guess already.
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