Don't let them fool ya, Or even try to school ya! Oh, no! We've got a mind of our own, So go to hell if what you're thinking is not right! Love would never leave us alone, A-yin the darkness there must come out to light.
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Charlie Dad, how can you hate The Colonel Stuart Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass
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So, you're obviously the big dick. And there on either side of you are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big, brave balls, and there are little, mincy faggot balls. You're dicks have driving clarity of vision. But they're not clever; they smell pussy, and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good ol' pussy, and have brought your two little, mincey, faggot balls along for a good ol' time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here- just a dose that will make you wish you were born a women. Like a prick, you're having second thoughts. You're shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. And the fact that you've got 'Replica' written on the side of your guns. And the fact that I've got 'Desert Eagle .50' written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now fuck off!
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Sonny Hey, whataya gonna do, nice college boy, eh Didn't want to get mixed up in the Family business, huh Now you wanna gun down a police captain. Why Because he slapped ya in the face a little bit Hah What do you think this is the Army, where you shoot 'em a mile away You've gotta get up close like this and bada-bing. you blow their brains all over your nice Ivy League suit.
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Stuart Would ya look at the size of that kid's head It's the size of a planetoid and it has it's own weather system Looks like an orange on a toothpick I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik spherical but quite pointy at parts He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.
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Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene' Descartes was a drunken fart
'I drink, therefore I am'
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker
But a bugger when he's pissed
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When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons. What else ya got?'
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If ya ain't got it in ya, ya can't blow it out.
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Richard Okay... seatbelts. Just put the little thing into the big thing and... I tell ya what. If you don't know how to fasten your seatbelt, just raise your hand and I'll have Tommy Boy here come back there and hit you in the head with a tack hammer because you're a RETARD
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Ya see, the sad thing about a guy like you is that in 50 years your gonna start doing some thinkin of your own and you're gonna realize that there are two certainties in life: one: don't do that. And two: you dropped a 150 grand on an education that you could have gotten with a $1.50 worth of late charges at the public library.
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Billy Hey I'm trying to score points with the teacher today. DON'T SCREW IT UP. 3rd Grader I dare you to touch her boobs. Billy Touch her boobs That's assault brotha...... Ya double dare me
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If a man suddenly appears before me with a big beard and locks and the works, and performed this huge fucking miracle and said to me 'I am God,' I'd say, 'Fuck man, I didn't believe in ya but ok, you got me.' But until that day he can fuck right off.
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You know it's funny when it rains it pours, they got money for wars, but can't feed the poor.
Cause I think we can make it, in fact, I'm sure, and if you fall, stand tall and comeback for more.
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Ya know, if you treated every comic the way you treated me tonight. You would never see a bad show.
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Billy No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.
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And I tell ya, when I sit in that sound booth and started reading the script and starting to get into the character, man, it's an easy jump for me, because I understand what it's all about.
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Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, You would never see a bad show.
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If you're lying to me, I'll kill ya. If I think you're lying to me, I'll kill ya. If you leave anything out, I'll kill ya. As a matter of fact you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive. Do you understand? Good, cause if you don't, I'll kill ya.
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I talk to people who are musicians, and they go, Oh this is hell. And I go, Are you kidding me? You never put tar paper on a roof, did ya?
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I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people
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Hey Good-lookin’—what’s ya got cookin’?
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