Get Your Premium Membership

Famous Woody Allen Quotations

Best famous Woody Allen quotations. Find, read, and share the best famous quotations by Woody Allen. These are the most popular quotations and best examples of quotes by Woody Allen.

Post your quotes and then create memes or graphics from them.

1234
Quote Left I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. Quote Right
Quote Left Infatuation is when you think that he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Conners, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger, and nothing like Robert Redford--but you'll take him anyway. Quote Right
Quote Left There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Quote Right
Quote Left A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DOE

Unbearably lovely music is heard as the curtain rises, and we see the woods on a summer afternoon. A fawn dances on and nibbles slowly at some leaves. He drifts lazily through the soft foliage. Soon he starts coughing and drops dead.
Quote Right
Quote Left It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Quote Right
Quote Left Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters. Quote Right
Quote Left Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best. Quote Right
Quote Left I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch Quote Right
Quote Left At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time. Quote Right
Quote Left Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Quote Right
Quote Left It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. Quote Right
Quote Left I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. Quote Right
Quote Left What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Quote Right
Quote Left For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have. Quote Right
Quote Left Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. Quote Right
Quote Left Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib. Quote Right
Quote Left I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Quote Right
Quote Left Bisexuality automatically doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. Quote Right
Quote Left It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Quote Right
Quote Left Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things. Quote Right
Quote Left Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. Quote Right
Quote Left Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats. Quote Right
Quote Left I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Quote Right
Quote Left Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions Quote Right
Quote Left Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. Quote Right
Quote Left Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. Quote Right
Quote Left I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick -- not wounded -- dead. Quote Right
Quote Left I am at two with nature. Quote Right
Quote Left Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. Quote Right
Quote Left As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. Quote Right
1234