He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.
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He's a trellis for varicose veins.
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The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
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To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
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The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
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A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
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I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
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Life is a tough proposition and the first hundred years are the hardest.
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Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.
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A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.
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I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.
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You sparkle with larceny.
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The worst-tempered people I've ever met were the people who knew they were wrong.
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Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
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A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after awhile he gets to know something.
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I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your effort to believe it.
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A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.
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Always be nice to people on the way up because you'll meet the same people on the way down.
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The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
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God help those who do not help themselves.
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There's nothing so comfortable as a small bankroll. A big one is always in danger.
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I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
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Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
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Failure has gone to his head.
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Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down.
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When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it's research.
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Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor unassisted
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I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you and education.
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A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but, after a while, knows something
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I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.
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