To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

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There is no question but that if Jesus Christ, or a great prophet from another religion, were to come back today, he would find it virtually impossible to convince anyone of his credentials despite the fact that the vast evangelical machine on American television is predicated on His imminent return among us sinners.

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A diplomat these days in nothing, but a head waiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally.

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Laughter would be bereaved if snobbery died.

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Laughter would be bereaved if snobbery died

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It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously.

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Once we are destined to live out our lives in the prison of our mind, our duty is to furnish it well.

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Unfortunately, the balance of nature decrees that a super-abundance of dreams is paid for by a growing potential for nightmares.

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I'm convinced there's a small room in the attic of the Foreign Office where future diplomats are taught to stammer.

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If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

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Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them.

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I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to me to be the most civilised music in the world.

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People who reach the top of the tree are only those who haven't got the qualifications to detain them at the bottom.

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In America, through pressure of conformity, there is freedom of choice, but nothing to choose from.

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The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.

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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

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Did you know that every two hours the nations of this world spend as much on armaments as they spend on the children of this world every year

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The stupidity of a stupid man is mercifully intimate and reticient, while the stupidity of an intellectual is cried from the rooftops.

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Parents are the bones on which children sharpen their teeth.

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By increasing the size of the keyhole, today's playwrights are in danger of doing away with the door.

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The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come.

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Intelligent or not, we all make mistakes and perhaps the intelligent mistakes are the worst, because so much careful thought has gone into them.

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Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. If you get on well out of bed, half the problems of bed are solved.

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Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.

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Did you know that every two hours the nations of this world spend as much on armaments as they spend on the children of this world every year?

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Children are the only form of immortality that we can be sure of.

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Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first.

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Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.

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Critics search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find.

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