If you want to make certain a job gets done, give it to somebody who is really busy. They'll have their secretary do it.
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America Where a man can say what he thinks, if he isn't afraid of his wife, his boss, his customer, his neighbors, or the government.
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It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry.
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It's hard to tell if the world is actually growing worse, or if the news coverage is just better.
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Childhood is that wonderful time when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath.
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Horse sense is what keeps horses from betting on people.
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There are no answers, only cross-references.
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Money is a strange thing. It ranks with love as our greatest source of joy, and with death as our greatest source of anxiety.
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Marriage is like a dollar bill. You cannot spend half of it when you tear it in two. The value of one half depends upon the other.
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Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and just before you realize what's wrong with it.
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Only grown-ups have difficulty with childproof bottles.
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You can't trust a promise someone makes while they're drunk, in love, hungry, or running for office.
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The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know.
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As a nation we are dedicated to keeping physically fit and parking as close to the stadium as possible.
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If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people He gives it to.
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You can always get the truth from a politician after he has turned seventy, or given up all hope of the Presidency.
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Before borrowing money from a friend it's best to decide which you need most.
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There are still some honest people left in the world, but they never seem to find anything you lose.
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A simple fact that is hard to learn is that the time to save money is when you have some.
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Appetizers are the little things you keep eating until you lose your appetite.
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The mind is a wonderful thing. It starts working the minute you're born, and doesn't stop until you get up to speak in public.
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Marriage love, honor, and negotiate.
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After a person makes his mark in the world, a lot of people will come around with erasers.
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It's hard to say who gets criticized the most, the successful person, or the failure but it's mighty close.
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A politician is a person who thinks twice before he says nothing.
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