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Beats Me Quotations

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Its not easy being a penis. I have a head I can't think with, an eye I can't see out of, I live with 2 nuts, my closest neighbor is an asshole, my best friend is a pussy and my owner beats me all the time.

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If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, 'Sorry, Mom, but nobody beats me.'

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