He Erased Us, Didn'T He
I hear a few songs from my playlists that make me think of you
And I wonder if you have any that make you think of me
You don’t call anymore, even after I asked you to
And, I don’t call because you’re going to feel guilty for not calling
And then tell me that you still love me
But it won’t feel the same you know?
I thought that now that he left, you’d start to notice my absence and miss me
But I guess out of sight out of mind hey?
You always talked about him when he wasn’t there
Heck!… Even when he was home every monologue and dialogue was about him
The difference between him and I? I can never be him.
I can’t stress you out as much as he does to get your attention
I avoid it because all I want for you is to be happy
So I strive to make our relationship to be perfect, but I can never…
Alone without being compared to him, be perfect in your eyes
I have always felt like you criticised me for doing things my way
Even that has stopped since he left
You care so much about him
I wish I had that with you, but I don’t
Sometimes when I can’t draw strength from what I need to be for myself,
I think of you, and the inspiration that I get from getting you a comfortable life in your old age my dear…
It ignites a spark that goes on for days inside of me
Until I can’t not think about how much less you are willing to invest in me
Even after I have proven myself to you with every chance I get
I miss you dearly, mamita
I miss us before him
I miss that proud smile of yours that would last longer than the moment itself
I always disliked your subtle bragging about me but even those are gone hey!
And I don’t know whether I hate the fact that nothing can make me love you less
But I love loving you, because once, I was certain that you loved me, and would do anything for me, your mija.
Copyright © Tholoana Mohale | Year Posted 2020
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