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Have you ever felt so empty?
With no person that lend a helping hand
Have you ever felt so alone?
Like no one can see you but your own reflection in the mirror
Have you ever felt invisible?
That lives in a place of overwhelming silence 
And the only sound you will hear
Is the sound of your own heartbeat
Do you ever question yourself
Am I Invisible?

Am I Invisible?
Because people seems so irritated on my own existence
They take all the confidence I have 
And now Im lost and finding home in someone else 
This feeling of emptiness that  is ingrained on my mind and in my soul
This feeling of emptiness that creates another identity
An identity that prioritize false expectations
False expectation that creates depression.

Am I Invisible?
Or maybe Im not
Because people are always there for me
When they need something important
People always value your presence 
When they know you have something to give back to compensate for their attention
And when they know you cant do something for them 
They will stab you on your back with those fatal words that hurts your innocent emotion
And then I realize
I am invisible until someone needs me.

Am I Invisible
Because I have doubts and hesitation all the time
Im becoming hesitant to the love I deserved
Im doubting all the love that others offered
For it may cause unexpected tears in the end
Im still imprisoned on my past experiences
And I realize myself that is reminiscing my history
Not knowing that love maybe the key 
To forgive myself and to forget all the mistakes I've done in the past

Am I Invisible
Because even my parents can't see my worth
I've been really tired on exceeding their skyhigh expectations
I've been really tired on doing my best that deserves a warm and tight hug from the persons I loved the most
I've been really tired of their words that saying I'm not good enough
Expectations kill and it really does
And I think
I deserve a big long rest.

Am I Invisible?
Or maybe I'm not
Because I can still feel the sharpness of the blade
I can still feel the blood flows from my wrist down to the depth of my emotions
I can still feel the pain
But on the other side this pain also adds up to the emotional pain Im feeling right now
I don't know but I think it only make things worst
And the overall pain manipulates my hand to end all the doubts,hesitation and exhaustion
I think this will be the formula to solve my depression
Until the pulse stops,The time ends, I hope another day begins
All I have to do is close my eyes and promise that I will never go back again.

Copyright © Baltazar Rodriguez | Year Posted 2017


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