Before You
When I met you, I was apprehensive at first all the saddeness of my past engulfed me and brought me to my worst. I didn't want to trust, nor believe in anything beautiful. My life has been less than anything wonderful, before I met you. I saw life in your smile, and love in your soul. You made be believe that things were possible. My heart has been away, locked in a box. I haven't been "close" to anyone for fear of getting hurt. Then I met you, I felt so alive. It's been years since I felt so good inside. Almost 5 months of getting to know you, how could my heart not awaken with every beat I felt the butterflies, I tried telling myself to stop and let go. But everytime I saw you it felt like pain was being lifted. I trusted what u said "I'll never hurt you", "I like you, I really do". I thought you'd be there for me, help me past these days... I thought we had something going, I guess I was in a daze. I needed time to grow with you, to spend with just me and you, but I should have gotten the clue. I never thought you'd play me, playing with my heart is the worst. I told you everything, told you about my darkness, my secret world and all the hurt. I would have never opened up and told you if I didn't see something with us. My heart was so full of life, my soul was resurrected from the dust. I thought you understood the darkness I was living in. I felt a connection as we shared stories of the past we were living in. I thought I could trust you to NOT amplify the pain. Now it sits on the top of my chest like blast back into my past a thousand boulders on my brain. I never wanted to be there again. It's a deafening sound whispering thoughts into existence. I feel deeply lost in thinking I knew you, you were becoming my everything. My chest is beating so fast thinking this is the end of me and you. I'll leave you alone, if that's truly your wish. But, please don't leave me thinking why or what if. I need to know now, I deserve to know the truth. Please don't leave me alone like this, you made me see what someone good could be. I don't want to shut my heart away again after I felt the beauty of your touch. Just your hug takes away all the pain. Did you know that your like my medicine that takes all the pain away? I believed in a brighter day. Wrapped in your arms for even a second or two. I felt like it was just us in the whole world, holding onto you. I'm scared to death to lose someone like you, someone who has to my heart. Now, what do I do?
Copyright © Ledonna Lingard | Year Posted 2014
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