I Can'T Close My Eyes At Night
Once again I lie awake
for your memory remains within my mind.
The moment my eyelids rise to see
another day approaching me,
one by one they sink inside
filling, filling to the back of my eyes.
All the day through the images I see
remind me of another day, another time, another place
when I was yours and you were mine.
Back when our world together was carefree and complete
and everything was the way it still should be.
For awhile I smile and then it changes
as reality comes rushing back to me,
forcing me to remember I no longer have that,
I no longer live there, for tis' only a memory,
lost within a moment in time.
This feeling is indescribable for there are no words or ways
to speak or rhyme of this gutwrenching,
manipulative unhappiness that is felt.
There's not one day that can fade away the memory of the moment when I chose to
leave,
to leave the greatest life one could have known.
I ask myself day in and day out,
"How could I be so blind?
How could I neglect to see,
my everything was there before me?"
It was nothing but teenage stupidity.
If anywhere in this world,
a time machine could be found,
I'd fly first thing to you.
I'd forget all my fears and I'd love you.
I'd love you with all my heart,
with all my strength, all my mind.
I'd give everything I had to give,
and I'd be yours and you'd be mine.
When I see a picture I shed a tear,
If I listen to a song I wish you were near,
and as I say a prayer, I long for you to hear
all the things that were left unsaid,
how your heart was never fed the words, "I love you"
the way it should've been so many times.
Once again I realize it's too late
for you've already found a new love.
I thought I had done the same, but figured out I was wrong,
therefore your memory still echoes on.
There will never be another quite like you
for my once in a lifetime chance for happiness
has already come and gone.
Finally, the daylight turns to dark
and as the hours slowly pass,
memories still lingering, not allowing me to rest.
Beginning to feel nostalgic for your embrace
I try and pass the time,
which is easier said than done.
Nothing can kill a memory
when the mind wants it to stay alive.
I lie in the bed, uncovered, not dead,
but more awake than ever before,
for one by one they sink inside
filling, filling to the back of my eyes.
Scared to sleep for your face never hides.
Nevertheless I turn out the light.
Now you know why I can't close my eyes at night.
Copyright © Amanda Ward | Year Posted 2011
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