Rain tickets
I dont remember much
Of the actual
Incident
I don’t remember what parts
I lied about
Because I did lie about some
To make it sound worse
Because it hurt so bad
That I needed to make it worse
To justify
My reaction
Driving home
Not only crying
Screaming
I wonder if that’s when it happened
when I lost control over my body-
lost the desire to be apart of it,
lost feeling possessive over it
It was not mine
And it had not been for a long time
Now it simply seems
That consent
Is a box on a checklist
I will always say “sure”
“I don’t care”
“Do whatever you want”
“I don’t care”
Maybe it was all those friends
And that religious indoctrination
To never say no
And then the one time I did
It was not listened to
You never say no
Because it ruins the illusion of choice
When you say no
And it is not listened to
You realize how little choice
You have in your own life
It’s oddly freeing
Like understanding that time is a construct
That it doesn’t hurt anyone to get rained on
Or to get a little turned around
Suddenly free from the anxiety
The rain isn’t so bad
It will rain anyways
Why plan your life avoiding it
I don’t care if the rain runs atop my body
Or if hands atop my skin
It is not mine to care about
Free from care
Free from possession
I let the rain drown me
Caring would not prevent it from happening
Simply it would minimize the aftermath
Why change out of wet clothes
When it’s eventually going to rain again
I don’t remember much of that night
But I remember many nights after
Feeling okay
But my body betrays me with its shaking
Shaking
Shaking
Laugh it off and continue
Shaking
Shaking
Shaking
He doesn’t care
He’s free from morality
Because he only cares about me
In the sense
That I’m crumpled arcade tickets
He can cash in at any time
For anything
He’s free from morality
Because I am not a person
Morals do not apply to possessions
Perhaps it’s deep misogyny
But I fear a bit of me liked being a possession
Though, it become nearly impossible
to tell the difference
Between liking being objectified
Or being accustomed to it
It takes the pressure off of a relationship
Because we aren’t in love
You cash me in
And I dance in the rain
Not really wanting to get wet
But knowing it will happen anyways
May as well dance
I dance to the pain
The pain of being aware enough
Knowing exactly what’s happening
But
Indifferent enough
not to stop it
Suddenly it’s night again
He slams his tickets on the counter
And I feel it start to rain
Copyright © Emily Ann | Year Posted 2026
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