How to Love?
I’m sorry,
I didn’t mean to leave so suddenly.
I really miss him
and I still care about him.
I was just scared
that he was upset with me,
and instead of talking about it,
I left.
I feel ashamed about it.
I don’t want him to hate me.
I don’t want him to think
I left because I didn’t care.
I just don’t like affection.
I don’t like love.
I don’t like relationships.
They make me uncomfortable.
I’ve always felt uncomfortable with them.
I don’t know why.
Every time someone gets close to me,
part of me just wants to leave.
But with him,
I actually felt happy.
And that’s what makes me feel worse,
because I really did care about him,
and I really did like being with him.
I just can’t stay.
It doesn’t feel right to me.
It never does.
Even when everything is good,
I still feel like I need to get away.
I wish I knew how to explain it better.
I wish I could just be normal about love
and not feel so uncomfortable with it.
But I can’t.
So I left,
and I’m sorry.
Maybe one day
I’ll understand myself better.
Maybe one day
I’ll stop being scared of love.
Maybe one day
I’ll learn how to love.
But right now,
I just don’t know how.
Copyright © Anna Elias | Year Posted 2026
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