An Open Letter For You
An Open Letter For You
I loved you the way I know how to love someone. Yes, I’ve had my faults in the relationship but you know why I overthink a lot? It’s because you did not give me enough assurances. You know that I overthink a lot and I should not tell you what to do because I know you know what to do. I’ve never thought that I will hear bodyshaming from you because I thought you like my body the way it is. Hearing that from you made me realize if all those words that you like my body the way it is or that my body is sexy the way it is are true. I don’t think I can or I will be ever forgive you for what you’ve said to me. I love you but I cannot forgive you.
I saw a video where it says:
A man can change for the woman who they think is the „one“ for them.
A man will do everything above and beyond to make their woman happy
There are no distance that they cannot travel for the woman that they love
They will do everything to make you happy
Hearing those things made me remember our entire relationship and I immediately think, you never did those things. Realizing it hurt me, it made me sad, it made me cry because I realized and maybe I think that maybe you were not the one for me or maybe we are not really meant for each other. I was so sure that you’ll be the guy who I’ll marry and grow old with. I am remembering the imagination that I had that I will take care of you when we get old, I remember the part where we will have half Filipino — half German babies. I still remember every memories that we had and to tell you the truth, I want them gone, I don’t want to remember you anymore, I don’t think about you anymore, I don’t want to feel anything for you anymore.
Every minute of every hour of every day, you’re always in my mind. I am asking the wind how are you and what you are doing. I’m asking the universe if you still think about me but then there’s this always tiny voice inside me that says „No“ he’s not thinking about you, he had moved on and he didn’t love you.
I always loved you even when I was questioning my own worth when we in a relationship. I always loved you even though you were questioning my intentions for you. I always loved you even when you disrespected in a manner that I didn’t understand at that time. I loved you and accepted you at worst. I loved you just the way you are. I loved you. I gave you my everything, I gave you my heart, I gave you the love that I wasn’t able to give myself.
Copyright © Barbi Locsin | Year Posted 2023
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