The Letter
I will never love again he said how that phrase tormented my own head. Not knowing him but just a few months I hesitate if I dare to confront. I’m at war with myself do I tell him my thoughts or should I hide them inside so they don’t get caught. You see I’ve been walking a line that’s so fine. Ive fallen for a man whose heart maybe blind. I ponder is it possible that I can pretend to not care living a lie while I’m breathing his air. I tell myself put the pen down you will ruin things just wait but I don’t listen to that voice I seal my fate. Now why are you doing this to yourself everything’s fine don’t go and ruin things all of the time. But my heart is so full of words unspoken knowing that doing this it will be broken I still write. Line after line all of my feelings telling him how his smile is appealing His sheets are wet with my tears he will never know how much I hold him dear. Pages and pages of nothing but words that I feel I gave him a way out in my letter what the heck am I thinking how is this better. Would it not be less painful sticking around seeing if perhaps his heart can be found. Oh how I wish I were smarter then this. Now I just sit in my own black abyss. I folded my note and put it where it would be found and walked out the door with not much of a sound. He was shoveling the snow off his driveway and I’m thinking please please see things my way. I stole a quick kiss and said goodbye not knowing if that would be it forever and personally my own heart I severed. I backed out slowly and stopped just for that last smile on his face and nothing will ever ever take it’s place. Yes I unfortunately fell in love with this man I’m not even for sure if he would understand. Now I sit and I wait for a text that says it’s ok your crazy at times will take things day by day. Instead there’s just silence that was the the other choice that I gave. I’ve texted him afterwards Telling him I don’t want him to leave but all I can now do is just grieve. I cry for the lost I created with mearly a note and my own heart that I broke. I can say I’m sorry please forgive me I’ll walk that fine line if you need pretending to not care about you but my heart will know that’s certainly not true. So I sit and I wait and what do you think I hear nothing but the silence that I feared.
Copyright © Ramona Harden | Year Posted 2019
|