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You'll Neverknow Poem
i'm a small flower
a seed gifted to you by the universe
meant to grow under your care
flourish
people don't like getting seeds
they don't want to plant them
to care for them
to be responsible
they'd rather have a fully grown flower
no work, easy
put water in a vase, leave it to wilt
slowly watching it die
only watching
not interacting
as life slips away
why didn't you try to save me?
i could've been so beautiful
if only you wanted to plant me
help me grow
care
people don't really like getting flowers
flowers die
i died
why am i temporary in everyone's life?
Copyright © You'll Neverknow | Year Posted 2025
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You'll Neverknow Poem
i'm at the bottom of the ocean
forty feet down
stones tied to my feet
trapped
i'm drowning
air in my lungs
can't breathe
suffocating
vision going black
i feel you
your hands grab me
pulling my up
saving me
thirty feet down
there's hope
a sliver of it
i'm almost gone but
maybe we'll make it in time
twenty feet down
you're still holding on tightly
i trust you now
you'll bring me to the surface
be my savior
ten feet down
i'm relying fully on you
you're the one to save me
i feel safe
which is hard in the ocean
one foot down
so close
almost saved
i could touch the air i crave so badly
if i tried hard enough
but i've already used all my energy
relief washes away the fear
the pain
safety is so close
and then
you let go
after i finally trusted you,
you let me go
and back down i go.
Copyright © You'll Neverknow | Year Posted 2025
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You'll Neverknow Poem
i keep watering seeds i know will never grow
i give every seed a chance at life
never giving up on them
even if i can see so very clearly
they won't live
at least not long enough to bear crops
i feed and feed and feed
running myself dry just to water you
i'm almost out of water
but i'll use my last bit on you
even though i know you won't give a single thing in return
but i keep watering and watering
knowing the outcome each time
but maybe
just maybe
i can get you to grow
even if i have to kill myself
for you to survive
Copyright © You'll Neverknow | Year Posted 2025
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You'll Neverknow Poem
am i alive?
what classifies something as alive?
respiration
i am breathing
but just barely
trying to capture any air i can between sobs
growth
i am growing
it becomes increasingly difficult
recognizing myself in the mirror every day
and believing the next age i'm turning
excretion
i am excreting
i sweat when i do pretty much anything
even though i'm always cold
is there something wrong with me?
or am i just overthinking again?
reproduction
i am not reproducing
i can
but i'm not sure i want to
i wouldn't be a good mom
i'm worried i'd be too much like my own
metabolism
i am metabolizing
i always claimed it to be fast but maybe
it's since it doesn't have much to work with
movement
i am moving
my body does it without me knowing
or being conscious
it just moves
response to stimuli
i am responding
i respond too much
too dramatically
too sensitively
i fit all the criteria
so i guess i am alive
i'm just not living
Copyright © You'll Neverknow | Year Posted 2025
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You'll Neverknow Poem
sometimes i fantasize about
driving on the highway
going eighty
and swerving into oncoming traffic
will that make the hurting stop?
walking somewhere
alone in the dark
and getting cornered by a murderer
will that make the hurting stop?
being home alone
door bursts open
an intruder with a gun pointed right at me
aimed right at my head
will that make the hurting stop?
the medicine cabinet torn apart
four pill bottles scattered around me
all once full
now empty
will that make the hurting stop?
a blade in my hand, pressed to my wrist
finally brave enough
to go deeper than just the surface
will that make the hurting stop?
going to bed one night
head laid on my tear-stained pillow
and never waking up again
will that make the hurting stop?
will the hurting ever stop?
or am i destined to live like this forever?
i'm not even living anymore
i'm just surviving
barely surviving
against my own will
Copyright © You'll Neverknow | Year Posted 2025
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You'll Neverknow Poem
i'm a shirt in the depths of your closet
shoved so far back
i'm not sure you even remember i'm here
it wasn't always this way
i used to be your favorite
i remember the day you found me
it was like love at first sight
i half expected you to leave me on the dressing room floor
cold, dark, empty
you didn't though
you took me with you
and we went everywhere together
we made so many memories
you hung me back in the closet once
i expected you to take me out again
i waited
and waited
you opened the door again
i thought you were going to grab me
you reached for me
but you grabbed the shirt in front of me
your new favorite
i waited
and waited and waited again
but i only got pushed farther back
you open the door
i figured you'd reach right past me like the last times
but you grabbed me
this is all i had been wishing for
we were together once more
you take one look at me
reflecting on our past together
then you toss me away in a small box
cold, dark, empty
why wouldn't you do that from the start?
leave me on that dressing room floor?
why take me
only to leave me in the end?
Copyright © You'll Neverknow | Year Posted 2025
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You'll Neverknow Poem
10
i've just moved back to my hometown but i have none of my old friends
i'm at a new school
not many people seem to like me
i'll have more friends
maybe when i'm older?
oh how i want to be older
11
i made a couple of friends
we laugh and joke around with one another
i pretending i'm not fearing what they'd think
if they knew the things i knew about myself
the secrets i keep hidden
i'll tell them one day
maybe when i'm older?
oh how i want to be older
12
some of my friends were fake
they left me once they found out
i made some new friends though
they'll never fully fill the void of the others i lost
life was looking up for a bit
so i needed a new thing to ruin myself over
i became infatuated with the mirror
i'll be happy with the way i look someday
maybe when i'm older?
oh how i want to be older
13
i feel so isolated
like everything and everyone is moving on
without me
i'm just here
why do i feel like this?
i'll feel better someday
maybe when i'm older?
oh how i want to be older
14
i moved states again
starting from square one
it's funny because
i feel like every time i move
i change who i am
yet i still hate everything about myself
even though i'm the one picking who i am
i'll be a better person someday
maybe when i'm older?
oh how i want to be older
15
i'm one year away from driving
so close to the freedom i crave so badly
but i know i will never be free
from the thing i hate most about myself
my brain
it's worse than normal
i hope i can find a way to drive away from it
maybe when i'm older?
oh how i want to be older
16
i can drive now
i figured it'd somehow fix all my problems
but i still barely have any friends
i still have secrets
i still turn to the side in the mirror
i still feel so behind
i still hate myself
and i still don't feel free
will it all change someday?
maybe when i'm older?
oh how i want to be older
17
one more year of childhood
it all just feels ruined
i've spent more of it hating myself than enjoying it
when i start to think of things
i want when i'm older
i barely think it's worth it
most of what i wanted for years has never come true
maybe when i'm older?
but i'm not sure i want to be older
18
i want to go back
i feel so grown
yet so little at the same time
i feel more behind than ever
watching everyone succeed
while i'm just here
barely here
hanging on by the thinnest thread
hoping someone will finally snap it
before i have to do it myself
i'd be a lot happier
maybe if i could be young again?
oh how i yearn to be younger
Copyright © You'll Neverknow | Year Posted 2025
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You'll Neverknow Poem
i feel so stupid
i actually believed you loved me
i believed every lie
how could i know it wasn't true?
it all seemed so real
the smiles, the laughs
every time you were there for me
how much of it was fake?
i forget you're an actor
and you're really good at it too
you can easily play any role you're given
it makes sense you could pretend to love me
you have me on your strings
they're on my limbs
controlling my every move
holding on so tight
i can't break free
i'm like your puppet in a way
i do what you want me to do
i act how you want me to act
it's like i'm wearing a mask but
i'm hiding all your truths underneath it
i know you so well
better than you know
yet it's like i don't know you at all
i would've never expected this from you
i changed when i found out the lies
i've never been able to look at you the same
i question everything you say and do
but i didn't change to you
i stayed the same
pretended i didn't know
because i think you forget
i'm an actor too
Copyright © You'll Neverknow | Year Posted 2025
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You'll Neverknow Poem
i tried to end it all last night
i failed, obviously
it's so crazy to me how life goes on
when it almost didn't
i talked to my friends today
laughed with them
smiled as if everything was normal
but i doubt they could tell anything was off
i even hung out with a friend
and i love to hang out with her but
i spent most of our time
just wishing maybe she'd notice
see how lifeless my eyes are
see how yet another part of me is gone
just like the last time
and the time before that
but she didn't notice
nobody ever notices
but that's okay, i know they have their own struggles too
i try to always be there for them
even when i'm not there for myself
it's easier that way
to fix people's problems instead of my own
i'd rather sit back and let my life crash and burn
than confront them
but i'd be lying if i said i didn't want someone to see
i won't tell them on my own
i'll tell them if they ask
they don't ask, no matter how many times i ask them
so instead i'll suffer in silence
mostly silent, besides writing these
until someone finally notices
or i can finally succeed
Copyright © You'll Neverknow | Year Posted 2025
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You'll Neverknow Poem
how do people carry on after loss?
it doesn't matter what type of loss
a person, a relationship, a friendship
a sport, a job, an animal
it's never been any easier
i've felt more types of loss than some can imagine
and yet they all hurt equally
in their own ways
maybe my brain is the problem
it can't tell the difference
between a small loss and a large one
each one still feels like a part of me is stolen
ripped right out of me
leaving a big gaping hole
most people say it'll fill
slowly mend itself back together
but i feel like mine only grows bigger
more pieces taken before any can be placed back
i want the hole to be mended
i'm tired of feeling this pain
but it only grows
maybe i'm cursed to always feel like this
maybe it's my destiny
but man it'd feel great
to just be whole for once
Copyright © You'll Neverknow | Year Posted 2025
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