Short Outhouse Poems

coldest day ever
stiff outhouse door barely shuts
rude awakening...

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Toilets overflow
In Large Intestine, Texas
Don't breathe in outhouse...

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worn footpath
to outhouse
in fresh snow



posted on July 5, 2018...

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Trump went to the outhouse alone
And sat on his "Throne" with a groan
When out of the dark
There flashed a bright spark
When Trump dropped his selfie iPhone...

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I have the outhouse in view
I had grandma’s squirrel stew
Dessert was a tart
I will not dare fart
I will sit in my own pew

*in honor of Jan's Birthday tomorrow*...

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After tossing back too many shots,
My tummy got tied up in knots.
But the outhouse fell down,
now a king with no crown,
I cover up where I must: "Thank You Scotts'!"...

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The puffs of air came and went bubbling
                         Happily putting on the exhaust on high
                                       Running like hell to the outhouse saying bye...

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Old fashioned outhouse
You can clean it
Or repaint the door
But you can never get rid of the stench
People who have never used one
In the middle of the night
In the freezing cold of winter
With chattering teeth
Have no idea...

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Ogre

Often he’s a cranky,
Olive-skinned, swamp dwelling,
Obtusely-witted fiend...
Only bathes in mud—eats
Onions, garlic, ...(sniff)... GAS?!!
Ogre’s in the outhouse!!
Oh! My giddy aunt...RUN!

©deborah burch
4.06.2021

Pleiades 
Kim Merryman’s Pleiades O Poetry Contest...

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Santa lost his glasses
Sight was blurred  he couldn't see
Stopping there to bring Toys
Stepped in a cold Outhouse
Slid down the toilet seat
Swearing, not the Chimney
Surprised, his Reindeer laughed


I hope everyone had a Jolly Christmas.
Wishing everyone a safe and Healthy
                  New Year
...

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santas on the thunderbox (aussie toilet)
whats that thunder falling rocks?
wash your feet and bloody socks!
no blurting in your under jocks :)
brains near gone
with my depression
pop a zolof my obsession...Don Johnson

Saw a cartoon recently of a two story outhouse/thunderbox....the top floor was 4 polititans 
and the bottom floor was for voters...

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Rugged and rebuffed it still sets all alone
A memory of my very long ago childhood
Vine covered with creepy crawlers all about
More frightening now then when a child I think
I remember the old outhouse from long ago


3rd Place Winner
Contest # 189
Sponsor Brian Strand
July 17, 2012...

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Halloween rogues place outhouse upside down.
Nighttime, white sheets ghosts ride broomsticks sky high.
Felines cry topmost gates - they wail all-round,
while wives, mates make pleas, moans, a grief-worn sigh.
Sweet treats may stay ill used jokes - least homes try.
Porch lights turnoff - no bold gnomes, please, so late.
Take leave, new hallowed year-end night needs wait....

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From the Penthouse to the Outhouse, all places between;
We ran from ourselves to the end of our means.

We saddled a horse that turned out to be wild 
And slept in the tree fort of our inner most child.

Threw caution to wind, blew here and elsewhere
Without GPS on a wing and a prayer.

The landing was rough till we put on the brake
And let someone else steer for sanity’s sake....

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Spare a prayer for my fair Lady Spouse
Her last sigh was as shy as a mouse
She died in the snow
A moment ago 
Frozen numb coming from the outhouse*


*Many Native Americans live in homes without electricity, plumbing, or heating,  and Trump's shutdown of the BIA ( "Bossing Indians Around") prevented the sale of permits which allow Native Americans to collect firewood on their own land. ...

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We burned a bunch of matches
My buddy Dane and me
Then we burned an outhouse up
The smell was way ugly!

Next we burned a little shed.
Was not me, we fibbed notoriously together.
Then we burned my sister’s clothes
Because she had worn my favorite sweater

My grandpa spanked us both hard as he could.
This is the days when neighbors would
Get together and give all the kids a licking.
He also gave us both a kicking....

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I'm a space cowboy
riding imaginary horses
with black light saddles
herding cows in my closet
my six shooter is my finger
making bullet sounds with my lips...

My ten gallon hat
filled with false optimism
borrowed from a circus clown
in a barnyard outhouse...

My posse are ghost riders
in the milky way
we lasso Taurus the bull
and have shoot outs
with villains
shaped as shadows 
on the star dust trail....
~ ~ ~...

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This sad tale I tell.
Of water with smell,
One day running,
Took hard fall,
Ended in a crawl,
Next smelled the odor,
Looking up and saw,
Outhouse bottom.



1. This
2. Sad
3. Tale
4. I
5. Tell
6. Of
7. Water
8. With
9. Smell
10. One
11. Day
12. Running
13. Took
14. Hard
15 fall
16. Ended
17. In
18. A
19. Crawl
20. Next
21. Smelled
22. The
23. Odor
24. Looking
25. Up
26. And
27. Saw
28. Outhouse
29. Bottom...

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From Eden to the outhouse 
in just a few thousand years
blooming weapons of mass extinction
from the seeds of our many gifts..
A volley of nuclear warheads is coming
within a generation or so
the wealthy and powerful will sashay 
to heated bunkers-stocked with tomorrow...
While above, the serfs break dance 
like ants in a boiling water bath.
There'll be no Jesus balm to sooth their nuclear rash,
Eden forever poisoned by the oily ego of man....

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The stars and the moon...glowing bright 
Poor Santa...had lost his eyesight 
Had a bit of bad luck 
When he stepped into muck 
Before, he took off...at midnight 

The outhouse door...swinging ajar 
His glasses, left home...on the bar 
So, the reindeer won't sleigh 
Because, he smells...that way 
So Santa, drove home...in his car  



Christmas Limerick (new or old) Poetry Contest 
Sponsored by Carolyn Devonshire
Syllable count (88668) - (88668)...

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A woman in Alaska,
With her brother on a hike,
Never dreamed that on a bathroom break
Unpleasantness would strike.

She sat down on the toilet
In an outhouse near a yurt
When she felt like something bit her
And she screamed because it hurt.

Her brother raced inside to see
Perhaps a squirrel there
But a glance into the bowl revealed
None other than a bear!

The wounds were superficial
But be warned before you strut
Into an Alaskan outhouse
Or a bear could bite your butt!...

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