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I possess an unusual knack for making women bristle

I possess an unusual knack for making women bristle

hence immediately this birdman
wishes to escape into his eyrie
or seriously considers joining a nunnery
mainly for the less common slang definition
cuz yes, “nunnery” 
sometimes used ironically to refer to a brothel, 
and this secondary meaning 
may well have added 
a bitter undercurrent 
to Hamlet's proceedings.

Whether interacting with the wife
(wielding a heavy duty iron skillet
and ready to clobber me one
hard on me noggin),
or either the eldest
or youngest daughter,
or even women I text
thru Facebook Messenger
in record time without breaking a sweat
yours truly can immediately
generate antagonistic reactions
all the while playing innocent and coy,
and nonchalantly humming to himself
while he doth figuratively amble along
the boulevard of broken dreams
(even if body electric of mine
sitting stock still in a seat)
drumming his fingers atop the table
passing time with insouciant whistle.

Countless attempts
and dog awful experiences
courtesy answering or posting
classified personal advertisements
arranging for myself, a quasi blind date
immediately at first blush
managed to incite instantaneously hate
essentially because - lame excuse
I came to the dating game late,
(when in mine
twenty first or second year
this then Norwegian bachelor farmer
went out on his metaphorical
maiden voyage rendezvous
with a sage gal,
who shared same birthday -
but six years older
(January thirteenth) as mine
lacking grooming skills or spit and polish,
indicative of ship shop shape
the writer of these words
even laughable as a bench warmer,
though getting familiar to balance and swing
and as a prime time player wannabe
easily and quickly mistaken for a charlatan
made apparent when I went out 
with one after another gal,
whose heart of mine
did powerfully palpitate
while struggling to express affection
(blurting premature ejaculations
laced with verbalized hormonal secretions)
courtesy awkward tête-à-tête,
which rather juvenile spluttering utterances
hashtagged me lacking social graces.

Schizoid personality disorder
characterized by Individuals 
with said disorder 
exhibit a persistent tendency 
toward social isolation 
and a lack of desire 
for close relationships, 
often preferring solitary activities 
and showing little interest 
in intimate relationships 
or social interactions,
which describes my outward to a “T”
profoundly pronounced 
during formative impressionable years 
of boyhood, adolescence 
and emerging adulthood
essentially impeding healthy development 
of body, mind and spirit, 
and most like stunting physical,
mental and spiritual maturation
necessitating psychiatric 
and psychological services 
during his puberty 
(disrupted, hijacked, and limned 
courtesy anorexia nervosa) 
no matter he lacked 
participation and responsiveness 
toward Theodore Goldberg 
then linkedin with 
Collegeville Counseling facility
early nineteen seventies.

Copyright © Matthew Harris

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Book: Reflection on the Important Things