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I dont blame her
I dont blame her for how she chose to survive
It was never really her choice
It was a forced setup
A gun forced into our hand
To absolve them of guilt
But they guide our hands
On to the trigger
And coax us into pulling it
But was it really suicide
When the world forced us to hide
Threatening to torture us for the rest of our lives
So it was never our choice
When they put a gun to our head threating to shoot us instead
If we didn't put a bullet in our head
I blame her for how she survived
Killing the parts of herself she loved
The parts of herself
That embraced her blackness
That celebrated her differences in a small minded world
I dont blame her for the grief she is feeling
I dont blame her for the part of me thats missing
I dont blame her surviving something horrific
I dont blame her for being her own biggest critic
I hope she knows she didn't have to apologise
To the lies
Concocted by the world in front of her very own eyes
It wasn't her fault
For the words they spoke
The ones that would evoke
Unhealthy mechanisms she would use to cope
I dont blame her for what she had to do to stay afloat
I dont blame her for the lingering trauma
The type that would constantly haunt
Leaving her forever distraught
Like a lump stuck in her throat
I dont blame her silence
Or her acts of self violence
I dont blame how she was born into surviving
A world so cut throat
That it would tell a black girl
She didn't deserve to live
All because of her skin
I dont blame all the black kids for all of the unspeakable ways we had to fit in
Copyright ©
Layla Riley-Hill
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