Long Hairball Poems

White Cliffs of Dover now sponsored in daydreams
Reading each billboard that rusts on the sky
Checking a map though it’s for the wrong city
She sends a smile to the wink of his eye

Overhead cords hang to...

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You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
elevator butt.

I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! good dog! good dog!

The...

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(Sick with grief over the loss of our old blind cat, sick because we'd put her our last night to vomit up a hairball and then forgot to let her back in. In the morning...

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Listening to incoherent jabber from Charles Manson
Or a continuos loop of music by Hanson
A summer cold with a nose that's runny
Or Bob Saget trying to be funny
A hairball that makes you cough
Or a concert performance...

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[The Candyman]

Who can take a hairball?
Blame it on the cat
Flush it down the tank
And you laugh a lot for that

It’s the handyman
Yes, it's the handyman
The handyman can
‘Cause you pay him for the laugh
When the laugh...

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The Cat Drank My Beer

The Cat drank my beer
I left in a cup.
Actually she used her tongue
to lick it all up.

I remember thinking,
this does not bode well
for the cat or the beer.
This feline had to...

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Please be careful where you sit,
The cat had a coughing fit.
She launched a hairball,
So just be careful.
I wouldn’t want you wearing it.

And be careful where you stand,
The dog has an overactive gland.
Your leg he’ll hump
If...

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Her brown hair shiny in the sun
Her black hair makes her
invisible at night.
Her pitbull face makes you step back
Her piercing red eyes could hypnotize,
Telling you not to screw with her.

Her mission is to protect her...

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Who I Seek

When O'Henry our cat is one who I seek
We can always tell by his variable squeak
Which he does instead of going meow
Thought of it himself from out of the blue.

Now O'Henry when we...

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Those Obnoxious Facebook Game Requests

By Elton Camp

Anthony’s weiner I’d nearly as soon see
As your game request number thirty-three

You sent another as you’ve done before
And once again, I fully intend to ignore

Of all things the Facebookers...

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