Antiques and Other Lies
By Elton Camp
In the antique store, you had better beware
Often, it’s just used items being sold there
By all of the experts we are firmly told
To be antique, it must be 100 years old
So at that so-called antique, look twice
It may be junk and not worth the price
Is it a well-made item and really rare
Owned and kept up by those who care?
Oh, and look on the shelves over there
At the beautiful “collectible” glassware
Before with your money, you do part
Make sure it wasn’t bought at Wal-Mart
Reproductions are all too easy to do
Don’t end up with a thing you’ll rue
What is sold as valuable may be wrong
If the sticker on bottom says “Hong Kong”
Can you actually tell real Fostoria at all
Thus, be certain that isn’t Whitehall?
“Crystal” is used to describe any glass
If not a savvy buyer, better let it pass
The collection of Pez belongs in the trash
Don’t let a faker part you from your cash
Buying antiques, a great thing you got?
Most of the time, almost certainly not
Antiques for Sale
By Elton Camp
Got some junk you’d like to sell at a high price?
There’s a way that, for the gullible, works nice
To get the outrageous price that you will seek
Give it the expensive-sounding name “antique”
Real antiques must be at least 100 years old
But many people believe what they’re told
So a ratty old chest worth about twenty buck
Will sell for $500 if you have real good luck
A cheap vase that is a recent China import
May sell very high if to fraud you will resort
But in order to have this type of unethical fun
Be sure not to mention anything about Taiwan
Items that are made from cheap pressed glass
As being “Fostoria” you may be able to pass
And any age cheaply-made glass bowl or plate
Is expensive if “depression glass” you relate
A marketing mistake that is especially wrong
Fail to remove the label “made in Hong Kong”
People’s ignorance is the principal reason why
They may go away feeling they got a great buy
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