Best Funnymen Poems
Crop Circles from the Sky?
By Elton Camp
Crop circles appear in fields overnight
They give some people quite a fright
The stalks of the plants are only bent
Since a force against them was spent
To UFO fanatics it always does seem
That the cause was an alien force beam
Why would aliens the galaxy traverse
To make farmers crop damage curse?
Would superior aliens come all this way
So that in our farm crops they can play?
If to communicate they are really sincere,
Why limit it to only a few months a year?
Why would most be in English wheat
If the whole planet they wish to greet?
That they made them, two men revealed
By using ropes and boards in the field
That these men did just what they related,
On numerous occasions have demonstrated
Other men then showed it they too could do
And created geometric designs old and new
But the gullible won’t accept this reason why
So insist the makers were aliens from the sky
People would certainly have to be quite dumb
To think crop circles show aliens have come
I try hard to compete with younger glamour gals
When all the men I meet say "let's all just be pals"
Yet I have that certain something that just can't be defined
It transcends all those sexy chicks that they have wined and dined
My doorbell keeps on ringing I get flowers by the score
From men who come by every night knocking on my door
They never get enough of my particular brand of love
My talents are legendary (Thank the Lord above)
Sometimes I take on four or five (There's never only one)
And you should see their eyes light up when I tell them
"The lasagna's almost done!"
Copyright© 2004 Beatrice Boyle
(All rights reserved
For Brian's form or free contest
Mary of Berry was wary.
Deceived by a man who would lie.
Disliking men that were hairy,
also, most men wearing a tie.
She had her fill of directions,
from anyone telling the time,
men prodding her with discretions,
or drinking their vodka with lime.
there was a girl from Havana
her name was Ms. Quintana
she liked watching men from her cabana
scatily dressed in only bandanas
all those young men in their Speedos
put a rise in her labido
those hot guys made her crazy
then everything just got hazy
when she stood up and almost fainted
a hansome young man got acquainted
as he reached out to catch her fall
she know he was the best one of all
Everyone remembers Jack
He had those magic beans
Again, they just told part of it
And it's nothing like it seems
The giant wasn't really a bad guy
But jack was truly a thief
He even worked for Robin Hood
Contrary to some's belief
He was raised in sherwood forest
Where they taught him how to steal
They even taught him how to swear
Against his mother's will
Anyway, back to that poor old giant
Jack had heard about an easy buck
Tho many had failed before him
He thought he'd try his luck
A golden goose with golden eggs
For him, was a really big score
He'd have to find someone to fence it
Or face the stockade once more
He was on parole and he wasn't going back
And vowed they'd never take him alive
He'd already planted those magic beans
And was waiting for his partners to arrive
Robin Hood was on vacation
Him and Marian had gone to the beach
But that would make his cut even bigger
With the Merry Men three eggs each
Jack didn't know this was his last heist
He finally made his way to the top
He soon found out they set him up
And the giant was an undercover cop
But Jack stayed true to his convictions
As he leaped to his certain death
The Merry Men all watched in horror
As he drew his final breath
Well, the giant cut down that beanstalk
And the case was finally closed
The crime wave fell fifty percent
And the Merry Men gang was exposed