Best Angstmother Poems
I have sold my mum on E.Bay.
My god my dad was mad.
He can"t believe i did it.
He thinks it"s really bad.
As to why i did it.
There"s reasons plain to see.
My mother is on my back.
Always hassling me.
She complains about my trainers.
She says they really stink.
Moans about the dishes.
That i leave in the sink.
I never make my bed right.
She gets me in a quandary.
States that i should help.
To do the household laundry!
Then every Sunday morning.
She really goes to far.
I have to help my dad.
Wash the family car.
Yes i sold my mum on E.Bay.
Then looked to far off lands.
To find a good replacement.
Post up the wedding bands.
Dad wont be to angry.
I will soon get him on side.
Because i have sent to Thailand.
For a brand new blushing bride.
At first it was ok.
We got on really well.
Then we discovered something.
That i can hardly tell.
I hope we get a refund.
I still have the receipt.
Let me tell you something.
There has been a big deceit.
It started in the bedroom.
I had to get a fan.
To bring my poor old dad round.
Our Thai bride was a man!
I want my mother back.
No matter what the price.
I am fed up eating chicken.
Along with Thailand rice!
"Will you get out of bed,
It is a brand new day,
It is nearly twenty past."
I hear my mother say.
I start to drift awake.
Then i start to beam.
Relief it surge"s through me.
It was a nasty dream.
My mother cant explain.
Why i changed my ways.
I"m really very helpful.
Not like the bad old days.
But if i am really honest.
I suppose i am quite bad.
I have just logged on to E.Bay.
To try and sell my DAD!
Norman Bates Tells His Story
By Elton Camp
Nobody seems to care about the fix I’m in,
So it’s time the true story of my life to spin.
I’ve had no father ever since I was a little child.
Reared by a mother who’d drive anyone wild.
“You have to do anything I tell you to.
Any disobedience you will come to rue.”
She said it would bring a life of strife
If I ever dated or dared to take a wife
“A boy’s mother is his only true friend.
If you forget that, my life you will end.”
And so since didn’t want her to be gone
I obeyed her and grew up so much alone.
By her rules for me, she didn’t abide.
And then a second marriage she tried.
Her new mate made my life a living hell.
And then he spent her money on a motel.
“Norman will do all the work,” he said.
“Clean room showers and make the bed.”
The motel made bushels of money at first.
Then what happened was about the worst.
A highway was built to by-pass the town.
Then only a few travelers did come around.
The lack of customers made him get mean.
“Lazy Norman doesn’t keep the rooms clean.”
My Mother backed up his talk so tough
Until I finally had heard quite enough.
I decided what it was I had to do
Quickly, quietly I did kill those two.
But afterward, I felt much like a louse
And pretended she was still in the house.
I found that it made me feel better,
When I imitate her voice to the letter.
When a pretty girl took a room for the night,
I found that put me in a state of pure delight.
If she gave any encouragement to me,
The face of my mother I began to see.
“Norman! That girl is just a whore.
Why did you let her come in the door?”
My mother’s words I just had to obey.
To remain alive I couldn’t let her stay.
Nobody will know she was ever here
I dump her into the swamp so near.
I did that very way, time after time
Till it didn’t seem much like a crime.
The day finally came. Luck ran out.
The sheriff took me in with a shout.
“Norman, I’ve learned about your sin.
Now be prepared, prison time to begin.”
The psychiatrist found out it wasn’t me.
But that Mother did the murders, you see.
While I was wearing a wig and a dress,
To those horrors my Mother did confess.
HOW COOL WOULD IT BE IF THIS POEM MADE A MOTHER
F*****G DIFFENCE?
What happens when there are no more trees by Mother Nature grown?
Will humanity finally discover if we kill the trees we’ll all die together?
What happens when people discover only weeds from the seeds they’ve sewn,
While mankind is trying in vain to control the weather?
What happens when man awakes at dawn and all the plants won’t?
What will we do for beauty then?
What happens when daylilies should smile but don’t?
Because of neglect by both women and men
Superstition will mean nothing for all the ladders we’ve walked under
And all the mirrors broken in the name of our legacy
“Grandma, why did all the flowers you describe have to die?”
And our only logical response would be because of lunacy
Yet mankind continues to try and silence the thunder
When the thunder only gets angry and starts a forest afire
There won’t be enough things to run under
And believe me, this wasn’t Mother Nature’s desire
What happens when our children and grandchildren begin asking why?
What happens when our honest answers are nil?
If we look toward the heavens you’ll only see a raging sky
Because we cfalsely blame tsunamis, hurricanes and whatever else mankind can kill
The Mideast is meddling in business they don’t belong and so are we
But all of us seniors should claim responsibility instead of playing golf
We need tens of millions of people to finally admit we made this be
And didn’t we learn anything from blood in Viet Nam and that war in the gulf?
So next time your child or grandchild sits upon your lap
And gently drops into dreams with tightly closed eyes
Next time you lay your little one down for a nap
Before you say “sleep well,” you should say “we all apologize”
© 2011.….Phreepoetree
MOTHER’S DON’T LIE, THEY SIPLY TRY TO ENCOURAGE
My mother always said “Son, there’s a special place for you
A glorious place where one can do that which one wants to do
It’s a place with a sun that always shines, even when we espy the moon
And everyone in town takes a siesta at precisely noon”
She described trees and plants, all of which you can eat
My mother always told me to be leery of some people I may meet
She told me how friends can become enemies overnight
But she vowed wherever I lived would always be berry bright
My mother always advised me not to take chances when the consequences are too
great
And, as so many mothers have, mine told me never to use the word “hate”
She made me go to weekly confession and Christmas Eve’s midnight mass
And that if I let her teach me to dance Latin style I could capture any lass
That lovely place my mother rendered in a voice aimed at only me
She told me of the wonder that could be claimed by only me
And she sold a tale to me even though it was a difficult story to sell
But mother’s gone for ten years now and never knew I was born and headed for
Hell
© 2011.…Phreepoetree ~free cee!~
The touch of hands so soft
the feel of love so lost
and a child of a sinner's cost
I was used, abused and raped
this poetry is how I tell my HATE
towards my father,
I his own daughter
should never wish to slaughter
a man so known in my life
What a horrible end
with my bloody knife
they ask me if I am troubled
they ask me what went wrong
I just smile and say
"Nothing, it's been my fault all along."
because thats all they wanted to hear
they didn't want the truth
I had once been innocent
now I am the deadly youth
so I tell you now
I will sit, be silent and stay
for my mother didn't care
her marrige was far to important
for her love for me to get in the way
She use to say
"Twenty-five years,
we've been together"
Then she'd say
"It's going to be forever."
Well mother I am sorry to say
Your beloved husband got lost
along the way
to a happy end
he made my life hell
and I'll make it back
all to well.
I never meant to make you cry
I never meant to tell the truth
But mother I can tell you now
Even though you hate me
I do nothing but love
for its my father who
should shed the blood
You kicked me out and called me a lie
well sorry mother that I am still alive
I have come to terms
with all you've said
and to your suprise
I would LOVE to be dead
because I never would of thought
that you'd chose him over me
so mother I love you
That is my honesty
Mother Is Always Right
By Elton Camp
Barry was convinced he’d found the love of his life
And just knew his girl would make the perfect wife
So to his mother he couldn’t find enough good to say
“She is beautiful, kind, loving and great in every way.”
During the engagement, the women became acquainted
His mother slowly learned she wasn’t as he had painted
His fiancé was demanding, hot-tempered and even more
Son didn’t know it, but she’d been divorced twice before
When Barry’s mother became much concerned for him,
She called him aside to talk, her face so extremely grim
“Son, I think marriage to this woman you’ll soon regret.
I surely do hope that, on her, you are not too firmly set.”
“Laura Sue warned me that something like this you’d try.
That you didn’t want another woman in your life is why.”
His mother’s loving counsel Barry then pushed away
And was as happy as he could be on his wedding day
For the first few months, all in his life went fairly well
Then Laura Sue began to make her husband’s life hell
And so, just as she had done with husbands one and two
Demanding, screaming and shouting was all she did do
Poor Barry then recalled his mother’s warning word
And wished that her advice he hadn’t thought absurd
Now it looks like the final outcome will come to be
Barry’s first divorce and Laura Sue’s number three
A LADY, A LOVER, A LIAR, A LIFE
All her life she had been someone else’s someone
Her daddy, her husband and then her sweetest son
Yet she was a butterfly pinned in a coffin of glass
While only one demon knew what would come to pass
Who is the man she lays next to in bed?
They now share only their bed sheets head to head
A stranger had replaced a lifetime’s once sweet chance
And climbing mountains sometimes results in soiled pants
Sometimes chances have a way of leading to lamentable choices
And even springtime speaks with vehement voices
It screams too loud when quiet is that which one may require
When Mother Nature demands a stalwart stranger as her squire
Fantasies can often be fed by the flames of desire
And a lady’s love can be led by a liar
Someone who vows forever in search of naked flesh
But too oft reality and a delivered dream shall never mesh
Everyone needs some time spent on their own
But for the poor souls frightened of being alone
She’d been a daughter, a mother and a regimented wife
And that’s why she decided to end her pitifully predictable life
© 2011.….Phreepoetree