Quatrain Humorous Poems | Quatrain Poems About Humorous

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(Satan is in his not-so-evil lair, watching the news on TV. Sparked by one little “It’s the work of Satan” comment, by an innocent bystander of something awful that’s just happened, he goes on ONE of his little rants...)

(Giving out to the TV)

How, in the heavens, did I ever get this rap,
of being the evil puppeteer of every earthling sap?
Joy and contentment are what have me driven;
surely not my fault if they’ve contempt for all they’re given.

For He made me in the image of His so-called glory
Yet I’m dubbed the ever Evil One in the story!
Well, I for one have had truly quite enough
Of being the fall guy for all their evil stuff!

                       *  *  *  *  *

(Standing up and addressing us (yes you there...the one reading))

For I am a being of reverence and beauty
And this I feel is my rightful duty;
I merely wish to awaken you all
To the truth of how I came to fall...

Yes it’s true: his Holiness in the sky
And I have never seen eye to eye.
No room for equals—that pedestal's his—
He decides who, where, and what is.

It is not my goal to steal your soul—
You’d know this had he not ‘misplaced’ my scroll—
He wanted me to be just like him,
Scorning me when I came up slim.

He wasn’t expecting it you see:
That I could match his mentality.
A free thinker, who doesn’t follow the pack:
That’s basically why he gave me the sack!

I felt he wanted too much control,
Others did too, so we took a poll.
Angered by our dislike of his chains,
He blatantly banished us, and look what remains!

Accusing me of greed and belligerency,
Equality's all I wanted, not currency;
To respect the views of all others,
And stand strong with my arch- and cherub brothers.

So it is he, you see, who has no respect for me,
The opinions I brought, discarded for eternity.
After all these millennia, he remains stubborn still.
Power hungry—a god complex, if you will.(chuckles)

But to come back to my point of view:
This is really all about you.
You revered beings were made by him;
Most of you, nothing short of grim.

Now he knows with you, he’s made a mistake,
Still it’s me he’s trying hard to forsake.
I’m the patsy; I’m the fool;
I’m his back-garden-shed tool!

Utilizing me to set an example
Oh! What if— No, impossible!
Could he? Would he? Did he ever ?
Oh my; he is clever!

How in the devil (grinning), did I not understand?
Not until now, did I see this was planned.
The whole time: before you—before ME—
Adoring me, perfecting me, knowing I’d fail—Oh the irony!! (head his hands, almost weeping)

But YOU, seeking justice and equality—
Noble trait, on that we can agree—
You fight to make your earth lords see.
Are you blind? You are just like me!

For all the beauty you are and were given
The choice is yours, if you want in to Heaven.
For those who continue the treacherous path,
You’ll be born again to live your own wrath.

When your soul is no longer blind
Only then, entrance will you find.
For as I’ve stated, he doesn’t take well
To anyone making his heaven a hell.

Rest assured, I look naught like a goat,
So please, I implore, stop trying to promote
Your regrettable behaviour as solely my doing.
It angers me so; keep it up, and I’m suing!

27th August 2016 

This is purely for fun, brought on by thoughts of those who use God and the Devil as excuses for the bad things they do. No offence intended!

Copyright © Nicola Byrne | Year Posted 2016

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Buying Condoms

BUYING CONDOMS I was desperate to buy me some condoms On a Wednesday morning in June My girlfriend had made me a promise And we were meeting up that afternoon For she'd noticed that in my frustration My flat....which I kept fairly neat Now had fingernail marks on the ceiling And teethmarks on the toilet seat So she promised an hour of pleasure As pleasurable as it could be She wanted fifty eight minutes With the other two minutes for me Now you folks are probably thinking Splitting an hour like that was a crime But in my mood of complete desperation Two minutes seemed like a long time So I stood in a queue in the chemist's Hoping to be quite discrete While the lady in front bought and paid for Corn plasters to stick on her feet And when my turn came I was gutted I though 'this must be a joke' For a gorgeous young girl came to serve me I was wanting a grizzly old bloke Embarrassed I picked up some aspirin But her smile put me quickly at ease She said as she took the box from me 'Would you like some condoms with these?' 'We have them in black, red or tartan And ribbed ones to last a long time' 'Do you have a favourite flavour? We have peppermint, strawberry or lime' 'Flavours?'........ I nervously stuttered 'Strawberry?.......'Is that what you said?' 'These things are to go on my winkie' 'Not between two slices of bread' She chuckled away as she wrapped them She'd decided on tartan and lime And smiled as she gave me the packet Then wished me a really good time I dashed around home in a frenzy The minutes were ticking away My girlfriend was coming here shortly For our sixty minutes of play My clothes hit the floor in a heartbeat I put on my condom with glee And the first that she saw, as she opened the door Was my tartan condom and me She screamed as the door closed behind her Her face like a deathly white mask Then pointed and silently shuddered, 'What're you going to do with that flask?' I chuckled 'It isn't a flask it's a condom' Tartan and flavoured with lime' With disgust she turned and departed Walking out for the very last time So my day of passion was stifled I didn't make it as far as the bed And as my condoms were lime flavour I had them with corn flakes instead

Copyright © Jim Bates | Year Posted 2016

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Picnics and Sand

Now I know that beach side picnics and sand
No matter how careful the planning go hand in hand
But it seems whether you sit or whether you stand
Nothing quite goes as you had planned

It doesn't really care where it goes
And I don't just mean between your toes
In your eyes and up your nose
And it doesn't smell like a bleeping rose!

In my shoes and down my shorts
I believe with demons this stuff consorts
To going naked I might resort
And I know I've swallowed at least a quart

When this picnic is over and back home I go
To the warm water of the showers flow
I'll wonder if your troubles are the same as mine
Do you have sand stuck where the sun doesn't shine?

©Donna Jones

Copyright © Donna Jones | Year Posted 2013

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Farewell to the Vampire

Parted curtains
puff of smoke.
Parlor trick
or cruel joke?

First a bat,
then human form—
eyes aglow,
fangs enorm.

And in the mirror,
no image there;
it stilled my heart
and stifled prayer.

But Drac was old
and suffered so;
his timing off,
reactions slow.

As he lunged
I stepped aside;
mallet ready,
his chest I eyed.

He lay there stunned,
at last my break;
I then asked how
he’d like his stake.

2nd Place, Poems from the Vampire, Just That Archaic Poet

Copyright © Mark Peterson | Year Posted 2013

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Ode to the Not So Innocent Fifties

If only I had been a teen in the Fifties
I'm sure I would have had "Happy Days",
Like Fonzie I would have donned a leather jacket
And young babes would have lavished me with praise

Like James Dean I would have that swagger
There'd be a cigarette hanging from my lips
I'd have the right moves on the dance floor
They would say "Check out those Elvis Hips!"

You would see me riding down main street 
On my Harley with a babe on the back
Making our way to A&W
The best burger before a Mac attack

Once done eating we'd go to the Drive in
If dad would lend me his new Chevrolet
The back seat would be way more comfortable
Then a roll in the barn in the hay!

With fogged windows we wouldn't see the Movie
We'd still hear Humphry Bogart and Becall 
Passionately rounding all love's bases
Not concearned about the movie at all!

So now I am living in my fifties
I'm Fifty three years old to be exact
The back seats have gotten much smaller
And I am way to uncool to attract!

For Kelly Deschler's Decade Contest.

Copyright © Richard Lamoureux | Year Posted 2015

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Paper Comic

Some don't think  I'm funny
But that's not true at all
Others think I'm serious
Although I'm having a ball

I have a sense of humor
Even though it is my own
I sometimes laugh quite loudly
Mostly when I am alone

When I see other's antics
It's not my wish to be rude
So I listen to each word
And to their actions I am glued

I keep my thoughts to myself
Most of the laughter is inside
For my inner comedian 
Is the one enjoying the ride

All my gathered material
The observations I have made
Conversations and actions
In my mind are all replayed

By reading my words with intent
You'll witness the humour within
My methods are somewhat subtle
For my content is paper thin

Copyright © Richard Lamoureux | Year Posted 2014

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School boy lessons Erotic Humor

She said "I'll show you mine
if you're willing to show me yours."
I didn't waste a second
I promptly dropped my drawers!

I was rather embarrased
She looked and started to giggle
My little man was at attention
While the boys  did their jiggle

After she stopped her laughing
I thought it would be my turn
Me an eager student
willing and able to learn

In the end I learned my lesson
She wanted to look through my tests
But my young mind was occupied
Transfixed by her beautiful breasts

So I quickly pulled up my pants
Time to put the two boys away
My little man sadly shrinking
Disappointed that he couldn't play

When she seen my embarrassment 
She said "okay come have a look."
Please let it be her Yoo hoo
and not just some silly book

Holding out the band of her panties
She said "go ahead and reach in"
I was a happy explorer
Extreamly eager to begin

As the girl started moaning
I was sure I had got it right
She said "if you want to find it,
perhaps we need a little light."

So she started undressing
A vision there before my eyes
Her breasts a bit of perfection
Perky and just the right size

She said we'd have to work quickly
Before her parents came back
She pushed me down on the bed
and promptly began her attack

With force she ripped of my trousers
Thankfully she knew what to do
I let her have her way with me
The boys were no longer blue

She looked at me with a smile
Told me "it's time for you to go.
The next lesson will be better,
I'll teach you how to be slow!"


Copyright © Richard Lamoureux | Year Posted 2015

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I Wonder Would You

I wonder if our paths had crossed
In another place in time
Would you want to make me yours
With sweet seductive rhyme?

I wonder if you saw my face
would you think me beauteous fair?
And if you saw my sway, my walk
would you stop a while and stare?

I wonder if you'd ask me out
and try hard to impress
I wonder if you'd look at me
With eyes that would undress?

I wonder if you'd try and woo
my heart out from my chest?
And would you long my lips to kiss
Then try your very best?

I wonder if you'd find my smile
A ray of sunlit grace,
and would you think to say to me
"You have an angel face"?

I wonder if you'd take the time
to get to know me well,
and would you love what you had found
then cast a lover's spell?

I wonder if you'd say I'm sweet
and hope to have a taste
Then would you try to nibble me
in slow time: without haste?

I wonder, dear, I wonder 
But these wonderings won't do
For life has dealt a hand, dear one
I'm here, but where are you? 

Eileen Manassian

Copyright © Eileen Manassian | Year Posted 2015

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Ice Cream In Vegetable Soup

Got an ice cream cone in one hand While typing with the other Why does ice cream make us seniors Beg for another and another! Isn't ice cream only for kiddies? Wow! That's surely not the case Old folks can down a chocolate sundae Beg for more with a messy face! Maybe it makes us feel younger Or it's simply just a treat As we lick away like happy spaniels A sensation that can't be beat! Really not shy about our craving We'd fight for another scoop There's many other ways to try it Imagine ice cream in vegetable soup? So stay away from old folks When they're lining up for some They'll push and shove and step on your face For a scoop of butterscotch rum! © Jack Ellison 2015

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2015

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Cliches Debunked

To 'ride on somebody's coat tails' Is the most dangerous thing you can do 'Keep a stiff upper lip' is another cliché Mine's not stiff, how about you? 'One good turn deserves another' Turns my stomach if you must ask 'There's no fool like an old fool' I'm quite offended by the last 'Sticks and stones will break my bones' Can break someone's heart as well So if somebody up and says this to you Tell them to go straight to hell 'A penny for your thoughts' is yet another That's pretty damn cheap I'd say A dollar would certainly be more in line With the times we live in today 'A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush' Who made up this silly old verse A bird in the hand is quite messy I'd say Poop on your fingers or worse So I've come to the obvious conclusion Concerning the debunking of clichés Refuse to use 'em coz people abuse 'em You'll wind up much happier I say © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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An Ode To Pink Poop

Imagine if our poop was a pretty pink Or smelled like a dozen red roses Beautiful music was heard when we tooted There'd be no need for holding noses We'd relish the thought of soiling our whites To show off a new shade of pink And proud to fart Ludwig's Fifth Symphony While sitting on the throne by the sink It can possibly be construed as a bit unusual To be writing a poem about poop But pink poop deserves special recognition So let's all just let out a big whoop! Imagine if our poop was a pretty pink And smelled to high heaven of roses We'd be so proud of our load of pink magic There'd be no need for holding noses © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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The Firing Squad

Soldiers marched, upright and ready
Bayonet's pointed, their hand at the steady
The town folk feared what was at hand
They were simple folks, working the land

The soldiers carted away those who could work
On trains they went, when finished, into the earth
Others though not in working order
Faced a certain death, in weather getting colder

Hey you in the wheel chair?
What's your name?
Darren Sir, I am a poet of fame
Well lad, follow me, is your end game

Hey you who hobbles along?
What's your name?
Seren Sir, I am a painter of fame
Wee lady, soon you shall be one dead dame

Hey you, walking in your dreams?
What's your name?
Arthur sir, a man who now is lame
Get in line with the others the soldier proclaimed

Off we went to the edge of the town
Each with fear in our hearts and eyes piercing like darts
We knew the fate that had landed us together
A poet , an Artist and a dead philosopher

The firing squad you see, cared not our valor
We three were blindfolded and tied up to large trees
As the rifles were loaded and the orders given
A voice from the heavens said they wont be forgiven

The lieutenant in his fancy dress uniform
Yelled out, at the ready, the bullets soon to storm
A silence filled the void, but only for a moment
Fire he said, as three dead villagers fell, lives stolen

Darren, Seren, and Arthur, ended up in heaven, where  every day, they lived in a beautiful garden, with not only beautiful flowers, but an open bar, and all you can eat buffet, Darren now runs free. Seren now has 2 new knees, every month, for eternity, and happily runs Marathons along with Darren. Arthur sits at the bar in the garden, while sipping his rum and cokes, absolutely amazed, as he chats with the bar tender, Tim Smith.

Notes: This was inspired by Serens comments from PoetrySoupChat in which she said, they should shoot us both, dues to the recent pain and suffering. ( she had a knee operation ) Darren has gone through multiple operations recently, and I am amazed at this strength and positive attitude towards others even in his darkest moments. 

There is no good suffering, whether it be physical, emotional, depression, and the only thing I can think of is to laugh, as laughter at least brings smiles and maybe a wee bit of solace. I mentioned Tim, because he too recently went through knee surgery, so he knows the pain, I simply could not kill him in this poem, as then who would be the bartender?

This made people smile, that's all the counts for me, and I wish to assure you no poets here actually shot in the making of this poem!

I hope the music, represents in a more serious way, the suffering of pain, in any way it should manifest itself.

Copyright © arthur vaso | Year Posted 2017

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Apricot Tarts

As I lie here on my death bed Feeling the last beats of my heart My only regret is, I didn't close The lid on the apricot tarts Sounds like a kind of trivial thing But to some, it's a big faux pas Little things are very important To me, that's a major flaw In the overall scheme of things in life So they're not as fresh as alleged I'll eat those things any way they come Don't mind if there's fur on the edge I think they call it anal retentive And applies to so many things Like how dishes are placed in the dishwasher And how you must rinse everything I really do feel sorry for these anal people They need to start enjoying their life Stop worrying 'bout all those silly things Now you have it, my sage advice © Jack Ellison 2014

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2014

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Let Your Wind Blow Free

Must explain my reason for grinning It's not what you might think Got a cramp down in my nether regions Maybe too many beans methinks It's easy for people to think I'm just happy Coz I am the majority of the time The look on my face can be very similar This time it emanates from behind Think I just need to let a big boomer go One that could shatter tall buildings I hesitate to let the damn thing fly For fear it would loosen people's filling Guess I'll just have to suffer in silence Till I reach a McDonald's restroom If I make it, I hope they build 'em strong Down with my drawers then kaboom! The shattered remains can still be seen They decided to make the site a memorial Seventeen people have lost their eyesight Six swore off Big Macs overall Now I've divulged my reason for grinning It's not that I'm happy, you see The real reason is internal combustion Not allowing my wind to blow free! © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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How Wounded Thunder Earned His Name

               You stand on "Wounded Thunder's” hallowed ground.

                He boomed such boastful tales  that fearless chief!

                There was no brave as clever to be found

                until he met the source of all his grief.

                There came a one who all his tricks would tell,

                and this is where he made his greatest blunder.

                The minx so bold who knew him all too well

                he married, . . . . and her name was "Stealing Thunder."

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2013

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Please Don't Tell My Super Jock Friends

Actually saw my first robin today Gayly flitting from branch to branch Please don't tell my super jock friends They're just waiting for a chance They'll start calling me “sweetie pie” And kissing me on the cheek Ask if they could escort me to the ball And giving my nose a wee tweak I'm just as manly as all those guys With a soft side they don't possess No excuses for my feminine tendencies Even comfortable wearing a dress Okay maybe that's going too far The wearing of a dress I mean Really haven't stopped playing with dolls Now live ones wearing tight jeans Can't believe this all started with a robin A harbinger of upcoming spring As I gayly prance through fields of clover To a bouquet of roses I cling! © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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Laugh With Jack

Every planet in our solar system Rotates in an anticlockwise direction Except Venus which insists on being different Always one has to be the exception About 75 acres of pizzas are downed In America every single day Probably chow down about an acre myself So I do my share wouldn't you say Our eyes are always the same size from birth However noses and ears get bigger Imagine if our footsies also kept growing Hard to do the Charleston I'd figure The disgusting cockroach is the fastest animal It covers about a meter a second That's faster than me when I need to go badly Running and holding my back end They say only rabbits and parrots can see Behind without turning their heads But mothers also seem to have that ability Try stealing some cookies before bed A goldfish's memory is about 3 seconds The same as me on a good day That's excellent as far as most seniors go Wish it was longer but what the hey Iguanas can stay under water 28 minutes Me too, but I'd miss all my friends Sure hope they'd visit me one last time Before off to the furnace I descend All bubble gum contains a bit of rubber For that bouncy bally effect Makes you able to leap over tall buildings But watch you don't break your neck © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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Do Dinos Soar

Do DINOS SOAR, do fish have SOLE Do elephants have ANTS in their PHANTS Have you ever seen a real HORSE FLY Or a FIRE that's started by ANTS A PEA CAN go wherever MAN GOES Does a CROC know how to DIAL Is every HIPPOS A POT OF MUSH Can laughing hyenas just SMILE Do MANTIS PREY, does DON have a KEY Is there always at least TEN in a KIT CRYSANTHA'S MUM is such a pretty thing Do LIONS tell the truth just a bit If a PELI CAN, does she wear a Z BRA Does WILL OWE anybody money Does SNOW have a FLAKY personality A bear's favourite would BEE HONEY Are DILLS always DAFFY as far as you know Can CUMULUS CLOUD your view I hear there's some trees that are EVER GREEN Why are BOOBY'S feet always BLUE If you can answer any or all of these questions Write me at seventy-seven Cuckoo Lane I'd sure like to hear from all you folks To prove I'm not going insane © Jack Ellison 2015
(A Re-broadcast)

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2015

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Laugh With Jack Revisited

Some lions mate over 50 times a day Now that's really unbelievable I'm only good for about 40 times tops 50 is almost inconceivable The dot over the “i” is called a tittle I'm aware naughty words aren't allowed Though this one's legit I looked it up But don't yell it out in church too loud Only one person in more than two billion Lives to 116 or older Sorry to disappoint you my P-Soup friends I intend to be that record holder An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain Know quite a few people like that Some are members of my immediate family They's dumber than the household cat The longest recorded flight of a chicken Is thirteen seconds, quite short Fleeing for its life from the butcher's knife Screaming “Got wives and kids to support!” Buckingham Palace has over 600 rooms Elizabeth hasn't seen Phillip in years Tried to pick up her up one night last summer Liz promptly kicked him in the rear Some worms will actually eat themselves If they're unsuccessful finding food There might come a time when I'd do that But I'd really have to be in the mood Beetles taste like apples, worms like fried bacon What weirdo discovered this Even if they paid me a gazillion dollars You wouldn't catch me licking the dish! Eeewww!!! © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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Knock Knock I'm Not Dead

I was taking a nap And some old chap Closed the coffin as he heard angels sing Knock knock who's there It's me! I'm not dead Now open the damn lid to this thing He fell to his knees Took off his cap And uttered a few words for my soul I was banging and shouting Freaking him out He was fast losing total control I managed somehow To break open the lid And sat up and glared at this chap By now he was babbling In a strange foreign language Running around eating his cap Leaped down to the floor Dusted myself off Got ready to get on with my day Heard him gurgle His face turning purple He keeled over dead and I prayed So I picked up this chap Lifted him into the coffin And closed the lid once again But now it was me Who heard banging inside Must be a serious glitch in my brain Knock knock who's there It's me! I'm not dead Now open the damn lid and you'll see The words that I heard As I got on my horse And galloped away from the scene © Jack Ellison 2014

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2014

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My Evil Demon

There's an evil demon lurking On the edges of my soul I try my best to push him off He's stubborn, very bold He tries to sway my thinking And how I look at things I tell him, “Take a hike! Get lost, you ding-a-ling!” He never seems to listen He insists on causing trouble It's his role he always says I'm about to burst his bubble Demons don't tell me what to do Don't need these guys to coach My standards are extremely high My actions beyond reproach There's an evil demon lurking On the edges of my soul But this here dude's not worried I'm the guy that's in control! © Jack Ellison 2012

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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I Left My Cello On a Bus

I left my cello on a bus
It's practically brand new.
I called in at Lost Property
'Cause that's the thing to do.

I told the clerk my story:
"I've left it on a bus!"
He said "Describe it for me".
Ok, well if I must:

"It's rather large and noisy
It's red and has six wheels
It uses lots of diesel
Inside it has no frills.

It has the number 49
Displayed both front and back".
The clerk walked down his warehouse
And checked on every rack.

"Nothing's come in so far".
He is such a helpful fellow.
I'll try again tomorrow,
Will they ever find my cello?

Copyright © Ray Gridley | Year Posted 2017

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Dancing In His Underwear

I shuddered at a voice so pure  
it moved my eyes to tears,
the music grew to fill my chest,
and satiate my ears

and then I shook, a man possessed,
cavortin' 'cross the floor,
collapsing in a sweaty heap,
for I could bear no more!

Like an ol' time tent revival,
I lost sense of who and where, 
or what this poor ol' boy was doin'
dancin' in his underwear!

For I was all but nekkid,
what a sight for all to see,
embarrassed, I just paid the fine
and turned around to flee!

Copyright © Keith Bickerstaffe | Year Posted 2016

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Give a Dog a Bad Name

GIVE A DOG A BAD NAME I shouldn't have called my dog 'Todger' Though it seemed pretty cool at the time I didn't think it would hurt his feelings And be honest, it isn't a crime. We were really good pals to be truthful And 'Todger' became my best friend We would walk in the park in the evening On the beach almost every weekend We'd play 'fetch' with a ball or a frisbee In summer when evenings were light And he'd lay on the couch watching telly And on the foot of my bed every night And the landlord down at my local Thought 'Todger' was such a delight He turned a blind eye to his presence When I played darts on Wednesday night I'd sometimes go to the pub in the daytime To chat with a lonely old dear And she'd sit there and tickle my best pal Then slip him a saucer of beer Then we'd mosey back home together And search in the fridge for our tea Sometimes I'd give him some dog food And sometimes the same food as me Then just when life seemed so perfect It couldn't be better I thought Fate's fickle finger found me And singled me out for some sport For one dull afternoon we'd been drinking And had a few more than was wise I tried walking straight, but I couldn't It was something to do with my eyes And too many saucers of lager Had affected my best canine friend He was chasing his tail in a circle And driving himself round the bend So we headed for home in a stupor We weren't making very good speed And as we were passing the primary school He somehow escaped from his lead And shot through the school gates like lightning Then made for a half-open door With a mighty great leap he was through it And went skidding along on the floor I was stumbling along well behind him When I reached the door he was gone Then I heard shouts and screams from a classroom But I didn't know which was the one....... …..That my dopey drunk mutt had invaded So I barged through the door that was first And confronted a sea of young faces As into their classroom I burst Their teacher looked fearsome and threatening So really she left me no choice 'Have any of you kids seen my 'Todger' I screamed at the top of my voice That day wasn't my finest I know that myself all too well This poem that I'm writing for you I'm having to write from my cell As for 'Todger' he's now at my mother's While I'm sitting here in the nick No more silly dog names in the future Next time..........maybe Willy or Dick?

Copyright © Jim Bates | Year Posted 2016

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What They Do

Carpet layers have to be on the floor
Deep sea divers love to go down
Computer gamers can't seem to stop
Taxi drivers are all over town

A dentist will do it till it hurts
A sailor sure likes a big swell 
A hunter will do it with a bang
While a gymnast will dismount well

Lawyers reach into their briefs
A trash man holds on to his nose
Painters always use longer strokes
A ballerina stands on her toes

Salesmen have learned to use their mouth
While students try to use their head
The police will go on a big bust
And a maid always cleans the bed

Copyright © PAT Adams | Year Posted 2017

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My secret job

I have a strange job at work,
What I do is quite unique,
I do it each and every day, 
Every day of the long work week.

My job is to freeze all I see, 
Make time stop for everyone,
Then I go around undoing the bad, 
Wherever bad's been done.

And this makes my day stretch out, 
Becoming like a week, 
A week of silently fixing things, 
A week where no one can speak.

But, oddly, I’m not sure if my boss
Knows exactly what I do,
That I fix the bad stuff she does too, 
I don’t think she has a clue.

Copyright © Lewis Raynes | Year Posted 2017

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Basketball Heads

Made quite an impression, it seems On the chair I've been glued to so long The indentation is an exact replica Of my rear, hmmm, sounds like a song Me bum and me chair are going steady Have been since joining P-Soup Methinks maybe atrophy is setting in So I think I'll shoot some hoops It's surely a result of this computer age Our bodies will soon have no use Our heads will be the size of basketballs But our bodies will be an excuse Excuse to hold up our 100 pound heads With it's 250 gigabyte storage space We'll actually need some kind of device Or we'll continue to fall on our face Made quite an impression, it surely seems On the chair I've been glued to so long Thinks I'll go for a ride in my old jalopy An old Dodge I bought for a song © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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Hump Day

It's “hump day” as it's often been called The absolute middle of the week Last weekend's gone and all but forgotten Next one will probably repeat The name may have a sexual connotation If your mind is down in the gutter Looking for something of a sexual nature Got some worse words I could utter But this guy's a fine upstanding gentleman Been called squeaky clean at times Usually take a shower three times a day I'm a sweet and fun loving kind I wouldn't say sh*t if I was covered in it Probably call it do-do or poop Could never be a manly construction worker Sure don't belong in that group © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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Let Your Wind Blow Free

Remember that familiar old saying “Let your wind blow free” Well I've thought of a much better idea Beneficial to you and me The methane gas we produce each day Could fuel factories for hours They could install a crepitating room They'll need a bunch of flowers You may think I'm obsessed with farts And other bodily emissions But the huge benefits could even rival The power of nuclear fission No more problem with soiled Jockeys It would stop the stains in your pants And possibly be a way to finally alleviate Those horrible nighttime cramps The future shortage of fossil fuels Would no longer worry mankind All the world's economies would flourish As this product comes on line! © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

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An Ode To Brussel Sprouts

This is quite a bit overdue my friends It's an ode to Brussel Sprouts Those delicious spherical bundles of joy Not too popular hereabouts Poor wee fellows just want to be loved Along with the other veggies They've long had a real image problem About as popular as a wedgie Thinking of starting a worldwide petition Any Soupers wishing to join Send a hundred dollars to me, Jester Jack You'll receive a commemorate coin Along with the coin you'll receive a bushel Of these oh so luscious little critters As a bonus for ordering before December An autographed picture of John Ritter Hey, it rhymes doesn't it !!! © Jack Ellison 2013

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013