Garden Funny Poems

These Garden Funny poems are examples of Garden poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Garden Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Couplet |
'Tis another glorious spring and I planted my garden with the expectation,
That I shall reap a bountiful harvest for my table with minimum frustration!

I planted the usual stuff - carrots, radishes, onions and termaters,
Watermelons, peas, corn, beans and a few hills of russet pertaters.

With the Good Lord's help, lots of sun and occasional showers of rain,
The seeds sprang to life along with some curses that are my infernal bane!

I've discovered that I have a healthy crop of weeds that need attention,
And a host of other intrusive visitors that I'll proceed to mention!

I was dismayed to discover legions of caterpillars and mealy bugs,
Pruning my plants along with hordes of ugly snails and slimy slugs!

They're even being attacked from below by gophers and moles,
And from above by crows making diving sorties from the clothesline poles!

'Coons, 'possums and wabbits at raiding my garden are very deft,
And armies of well-disciplined ants are gleaning what is left!

I even caught some nasty little kids filching a watermelon last night!
I chased them but those little dudes took off with the speed of light!

With a storm of wind and hail this morn I saw all my labor disappear!
Come next spring I think I shall opt to sit on the patio and guzzle beer!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Copyright © Robert L. Hinshaw | Year Posted 2012

Details | Couplet |
I was talkin' with the Lord when He said to me
"Are you okay?  Need some company"?

I told Him that even with all His creatures
I couldn't find one that had my features.

"Well, no need to worry about it." He said
Then he gave me a nightcap, and put me to bed.

When I awoke I was awfully sore
Little did I know there was to be a lot more.

For He had taken a bit of my hair and a piece of bone
And whilst I slept, formed for me a unique companion.

I caller her "Eve" as it seemed to fit
As time went by we were a hit.

We would talk and eat and walk the garden nude
No neighbors as yet,  we needn't be prude.

Then one day she said to me,
"Hey Adam, here, try some fruit from this tree."

Not knowing the difference between evil and good
I took a big bite, as together we stood.

Then in a flash everything turned black
I knew we were in for some serious flak.

"What have you done?"  I asked aloud
"Was this from the tree, which was not allowed?"

"Well", she said, "The snake gave me the word
That if we ate it, we would be like the Lord."

We realized we were naked and ran off for some leaves
When the Lord started calling, we were hiding in the trees.

"What's going on?"  He said to me
"Have you eaten of the forbidden tree?"

Like all blame shifting men not skipping a beat
"Yes, Lord", I said, "Eve gave me some to eat.

"You foolish creatures . . . it would have been wise
You could have spent eternity in this Paradise."

"I'm sorry Lord, I can't say it enough."
"You're right, you can't, so I'm making this rough!

Because now, you will have to scratch out a life
For yourself, your children, and especially your wife.

If you think this is bad, you're in for a trick
Wait until some banker dreams up plastic.

She'll be shopping and buying and going all around
It'll be enough, to put you in the ground.

As for her, she'll suffer as much and more too
After all, now she'll have to put up with you!"

So an angel took us to the gate in the garden wall
Saying only, "Be careful, now it will hurt if you fall."

So there we were, On the Outside Looking In
At that manicured garden, where we committed our sin.

I wouldn't mind if so much weren't at stake
Now all she says is, "I have a headache."

I've tried to forgive her and a gentleman be
But I still can't let her control the remote for the TV.

So here I am thinking, "I've been such a dupe,
For posterity . . . I'll put this on Poetry Soup!"

Copyright © Daniel Cwiak | Year Posted 2010

Details | Free verse |
The name's Ike .
Some a you met me and my wife Jane,
We got us a good life, can't complain.

To the kids, I'm an old geezer round here,
I think it's funny , they don't mean no harm,
I likes ta watch em, and have me a beer,
Work in the yard; Jane calls it my 'lil farm .

I been around a long time,
But ya know, it's still me inside this old shell,
This old body shell is wrinkled and baldin'
gray haired and achin'; I really gave it hell.
Though ya know, inside, ...I'm still really alive!
Funny...I always think I'm about thirty five !

Anyway i'm gettin off track. 
Sometimes I gotta find somethin ta git me goin',
so I head out to the yard and start ta hoein'.
Ya see I got me a 'lil garden,
sometimes, I spreads manure in,
   ...(beggin' your pardon)

You see ,in a special sorta way
each plant needs good care.
Some stay outside 'n grow on the rungs.
Some shoots I wants in the green house,
ta help 'em grow and tend to the young.
Guess them plants is like people,
Some praise God under the sky'
some prays ta Him under a steeple.

This ole garden been through alot.
She been through four hurricanes in her lifetime,
and one year,...a twister just missed her.
I've always liked it out here.
it's a special place to me,..very dear.
We sometimes walk out here, me and the Mrs.
We smile and call it "the old geezer's garden".
Then we get us in a few hugs and kisses.

My old garden been around 
a long long time, but she's still alive!
Some folks ask me how old it is,..
and I tell 'em...oh..'bout ...thirty five...

see you folks next time.   " nite nite darlin."

Copyright © Robert A. Dufresne | Year Posted 2009

Details | Light Poetry |
There are Fairies at the bottom of my garden
And they visit every evening, for a dance
They are lovely to behold and very welcome
I just wish they didn’t trample on my plants
Their favourite dance appears to be the Salsa
They do it with such style and aplomb
Much better than last week when they were jivin’
It appeared they’d hit the garden with a bomb
So I do believe in Fairies, ‘cos I’ve seen them
And every night I watch them, in a trance
They are graceful and delightful and enchanting
“Oi, Tinkerbell, get off my bloody plants”

©  John W Fenn  14-07-2009

Copyright © John W Fenn | Year Posted 2009

Details | Limerick |
There once was a cougar named Rose

who kept the young men on their toes.

Working in her garden

they'd say "beg your pardon

I'll bet you could use a good hose!"

for Bawdy Limericks Two contest
sponsored by Roy Jerden

Copyright © Deb Wilson | Year Posted 2014

Details | Verse |
follow on facebook,
adore on pinterest,
fall in love on instagram,
kiss on a hunch,
all under a tree.

Copyright © A.O. Taner | Year Posted 2016

Details | ABC |
You send bolts through my skin 
something I was never to 
accomplish with you, when I 
saw you it's like my heart sank 
to my stomach and I was in 
shock my body still my body 
heavy felt like when I moved I 
was about to fall to my knees 
you make me want to get 
inside my brain pick you up and 
take you out pick you one by 
one like a flower because I do 
love you and love you not.

Copyright © brittney lopez | Year Posted 2013

Details | Light Poetry |

My  blue terraced pot is alive this year,
Growing basil, chives, oregano and sage.
It sits on my patio in the filtered sun,
Ready for creative culinary inspiration......
              Maybe after I finish this glass of wine.

Copyright © Barbara Gorelick | Year Posted 2009

Details | Limerick |
In Farmer Joe’s Garden

There once was a rabbit named Rosie.
She liked to eat carrots and posies.
While in farmer Joe’s garden,
She startled the yardmen.
So, they fled like big chickens, those three!

© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
March 7, 2010
Poetic form:  Limerick
(Practice, practice, practice)

Copyright © Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen | Year Posted 2010

Details | Verse |

Created  by  God but designed by me  -  my garden       (13  syll )
It was intended as Helen’s  playground           (Name of smb   loved)
She wanted space big enough but not  expansive     (rhyme)
And play equipment dear enough but not expensive      (rhyme)
“And  no   dogs  ! ”                                                   (3 words)
she said.     ( Indeed,    ‘n’    I    agreed  )             (palindrome)
And so we set to work  making the Irish  garden           (title)
The work was extensive as well as intensive              (rhyme)
She wanted songbirds, saying,  ”a bird in hand is worth two in the bush”  (quote)
And in Ireland  the birdsong is beautiful                      (country)
I felt she’d  long  to belong among  song but I was wrong    (5 words rhyme)
I  found her a blackbird                                               (6  syll  )
Which sang  “Bye Bye  Blackbird “                           (song title)
So  I responded   “Goodbye, farewell,  adieu”               (synon)
Then it was  gone, disappeared, absent,   vanished    (4 words  the same)
So  now,   where   to   get  music   for her?               (no   A / D / L)
Her happy eyes shone with anticipation of singing birds    (happy eyes)
But I was out of ideas, running on empty                   (run/on/emp)
A mechanical  model  bird?. . . yes, of such things had I heard  (rhymes with 6 syll)
Such cultural perfection sublime  !                                     (poem line)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .
Written by  Sydney Peck
Entered in Tracie ~*~ Indigo Dreamweaver's Contest   Mish-Mash

Copyright © Sidney Beck | Year Posted 2012

Details | Rhyme |
Oh lovely, little hedgehog, playing in the grass,
I love your prickly, stylish coat, it brings you so much sass.
I see that little nose of yours, twitching to no end,
sniffing out the next hot thing, the next must-have fashion trend.
But I am on to you little hedgehog, playing in that grass.
I will not just sit here idle by, with two thumbs up my ass.
I know you’re planning something big, something evil too,
when I look into those eyes of yours, you become a cunning shrew. 
You stole my Chanel, and my Versace, I bet my Armani you did.
Don’t even try to deny it gurrl, for I am not a kid,
I’m all grown up and stronger now; look I’m taller too.
I’d think twice about crossing me again, especially if I were you.
So continue lovely, little hedgehog, playing in the grass,
I’ll be keeping an eye on you, under my big ol’ magnifying glass.
Maybe I’ll show you true style, some taste and if you’re lucky some true passion,
‘cause you, lovely, little hedgehog don’t know anything about fashion.

Copyright © Joel Freeman | Year Posted 2014

Details | Light Poetry |
Twinkling little elephant toes
 Prancing through the Garden Of Woes,
 Sniffing daisies
 With his long dainty nose.

 "Good morning to you", 
 says a cute butterfly.
 With cheeks glowing pink
 The mammoth creature whispers, "Hi".

 Turning from pink
 To bright crimson red,
 He bats his lashes
 And hides his head.

 As the butterfly turns
 And flutters away,
 The prancing little elephant
 Continues to play.

 I realize then
 That it's time for bed.
 Cuz, the dancing pink elephant
 Is all in my head!

Copyright © Tracy Martin | Year Posted 2013

Details | Ode |
a star and always her
constantly the moon in the garden
this wide paradise to me
where I declaim Emily Dickinson
syllable by syllable
to the happiness of the destinies
an eternal love

Copyright © Milan Georges Burovac | Year Posted 2015

Details | Senryu |
Dog passes by
Scared rabbit eats the garden
Gardener comes fast

Copyright © JP Armstrong | Year Posted 2016

Details | Rhyme |
I have a place in my backyard,
That I call my plant graveyard.
These are all plants that I tended with care,
Now like a rejected lover, they sit in despair.

They go to the plant graveyard when all hope is gone,
But I still water them until they pass on.
Once in a while a miracle will transpire,
And it will return to the porch for all to admire.

Contest-Take the Dagger From My Heart Please-2 Contest
Sponsor: Broken Wings
Awarded 2nd Place

Copyright © Brenda McGrath | Year Posted 2016

Details | Rhyme |
For days cold wind has blown from the channel
but it has calmed to milder breeze today.
I feel a soft spring breath upon my cheek
and hope the gentleness is here to stay.

The strong gale stripped the apple tree of blossoms.
She's now content to show her advanced age
and steps aside in modest resignation
to let the sweet lilac take center stage.

Rhododendrons and azaleas are contenders
for lilac's glory when she starts to fade.
My garden beauties all demand attention,
sun lovers and the ones that thrive in shade.

While I was trapped indoors, the weeds kept growing,
taking my garden as their own domain.
Nature is a strong and stern taskmaster,
just waiting for a chance to grab the rein.

So Mistress Dandelion, I give you warning;
I'm coming with my spade and rake and hoe.
You are invading space reserved for others;
so pack your bags it's time for you to go.

Tell your friends I have eviction orders;
the elegant Miss Rose will be here soon.
She'd be offended by your wanton ways
at her big welcome party come this June.

Copyright © Joyce Johnson | Year Posted 2008

Details | List |
A ball of twine, a washing line
A bag of peat, an old dust sheet
A rope
Some wire
An old flat tyre
A roller-skate, a garden gate

Some dry grass seed, a millipede
A sack of sand, one glove, left hand
A torch 
A mallet
A painters pallet
A cracked fish tank, a broken plank

A headless gnome, some dried out loam
An old bike bell,  a snail shell
A spade
A fork
A champagne cork
The dogs toy bone, a traffic cone

It's cleared away, it took all day
I find it is, quite safe to say
It used to fit, But who knows how
My garden shed is empty now

Copyright © Nick Bagnall | Year Posted 2011

Details | Burlesque |
A fuzzy butt, Big buck teeth, enormous ears, and floppy clown feet.
You eat my garden. Your such a pest. 
You ate my peas, squash, and more.
I seen these little thieves from my own front door. 
You hoop around the tree and the bush. 
Your lucky your cute. You silly looking critter.
Don't look at me with those beety little eyes. 
If you keep it up, I'll give you a surprise.

Copyright © christie mills | Year Posted 2009

Details | Free verse |
Chewed stalks brown corn
Skeleton dead heads of sunflowers
rotten tomatoes and watermelons

fruitless vines and weeds waist high
Purple salvia blooms shine
Orange Marigolds


blooms blown
Weeds shown

stalks bare
Full hare

scalp bare
no hair

flower power showers 
Sour pity hour
Powdered sugar icing
tower the sweet wower

Copyright © Doris Culverhouse | Year Posted 2012

Details | Haiku |
Armadillo ruins
Flowers that are kept with care
So ugly creature

Copyright © Sara Kendrick | Year Posted 2009

Details | Light Poetry |
Beats the tar out of me!!!

Plow a row, drop in seeds, water----         HOW
Many varieties                         ------       DOES
This small plot sustain?    -------------- ----YOUR
Brown spots and wilted leaves, ------------GARDEN
How can I get you to ------------------------GROW??

The weeds are prettier than my garden!!!

Copyright © Doris Culverhouse | Year Posted 2010

Details | Light Poetry |
For Vienna, by request.

Something has gone terribly wrong in my garden today,
My tomatoes are all growling at me with big teeth on display.

And when I investigated I got a big surprise,
‘Cause they were staring back at me with big round bulging eyes.

Then they started to come after me trying to get a taste,
So I had to move a little faster as I was picking up the paste.

I became quite concerned as I thought about my loss,
Afraid that I would be the one who ended up in the sauce.

I started to pull away from them in this deadly match up,
But only for a little while since they could easily catsup.

Then they crashed right through my door like it was made of balsa,
I backed them out with a carving knife and the threat of making salsa.

This is not what I had in mind when I planted a tomato vine,
It’s not right that my garden should pick on me to dine.

I don’t think that I’m out of line and my complaint is perfectly valid
After all no one should have to worry about being eaten by their salad.

Next year I think that I won’t waste my time planting killer tomatoes,
Instead I think I’ll use the space for a run of peaceful red potatoes.

Copyright © Tony Lane | Year Posted 2011

Details | Rhyme |
she hears him.
He is near.

He is waiting
for her,

to appear.

A day can seem so long
when the heart
counts microseconds
lovers are apart.

But it is now
and Juliet will stand
where she had planned to be
as if unplanned.

She's beautiful,
dressed in verdant green;
nature's princess
who waits
to be a queen.

She's elegant
upon her parapet.
She knows,
she makes her pose;
our Juliet.

While somewhere in the greenery below,

She know he's there
She waits
She is a tease.

A tremble starts
near his knees.

She knows;
she has the power;
she has the eggs.

He starts to serenade her
with his legs.

Copyright © Lee Leon | Year Posted 2009

Details | Light Poetry |
Dad was digging in the garden 
When he struck a custard well
Mum was none too happy
By her phizog you could tell

We watched the plume of custard
As it rose into the sky
Dad said “It’s bloomin’ lovely
We can have that with some pie

Mum was still unhappy
“This has ruined my best dress
You can both get out there later
And clear up this ruddy mess”

First thing in the morning
I went out, to see the hole
Scraped away the surface
And I filled a little bowl

Sitting on my haunches
In my jim jams and a vest
I took a cautious spoonful
And declared it was the best

Then later on, the press appeared
And in the garden mustered
As Dad explained how he had found
A well of perfect custard

A well known geolologist
Was hired to survey
He said our well, might just achieve
Ten thousand puds a day

So, Dad went out and bought himself 
A brand new custard pump
And put it in the shed that he
Was just about to dump

With lots and lots of effort
And a little bit of planning
We built ourselves a factory
And we started custard canning

Now mum is very happy, ‘cause
We’ve bought a house that’s bigger
Don’t know what she’ll say though
When she sees Dad’s bought a digger 

Copyright © John W Fenn | Year Posted 2009

Details | Rhyme |
It was absurd to think that an engineer, with an earned degree,
Would be caught in a quandary, like a cat up a tree.
Yet, his garden of orange iris in a bed of golden stones -
It seemed like the little cat, would not leave it alone.

An admirable test of the genius of wits;
A temptation beyond, which our little cat would acquit.
Just a genial, naïve little kitten, without an iota of sense,
Lurking in his garden with no signs of pretense.

A feline with the excellent traits of her breed;
A generous allotment she failed to accede.
Pretty flowers she could appreciate, in a garden easily attained,
Something from which our kitty, could not refrain.

When the old engineer placed a new order, over the phone:
"Kindly tell the delivery boy to be sure to knock to make certain I'm home".
He had dialed a new company with the initials SPCA -
"Strategic Packaging - Creative Answers"  today.

When his order came by FedEx the very next morn
An irritable gray haired man unwrapped it, venting his scorn.
Quickly exclaiming his displeasure, to an obvious kink -
Three additional adorable kittens, each adorned in a ribbon of pink.

July 7, 2016    3 days to write

Copyright © R.A. Marschall | Year Posted 2016

Details | Free verse |
Said Hyacinth
Shadow is in my garden again.
That Ugly chubby plumb British bulldog.
Why can't the Hamilton's keep her over there.
This a place for birds, bees 
and gently dragon fly.
Yet  comes this slob rubbing up on my roses.
You rascal!
Just look at you, 
sprawled legs scattered up in the air
soaking in the sunshine.
Never mind,
 just take your fat overfed self and run along. 
Yes I am talking to You!
© Al. Juman  The "said" Poet  6/24/2016

Copyright © Al Juman | Year Posted 2016

Details | Rhyme |
Around The Garden      ( series)

Pygmy Palms

I bought these palms
For border lines
With plenty time to grow
Envisioned private boundaries
They seem to grow so slowwww.
I left the tag upon them
Dug it out so I could see
“grows about 3 feet tall”
That’s why they’re called Pygmy.

Copyright © Jeralynn Clark | Year Posted 2010

Details | Free verse |

Days that end on notes unwell
Compel this weeping soul
To walk among a secret garden

Where stepping stones in careful lay
And the rains of winged and flower friends
Give way to hearts unburdened

And to tears of joy 
Or that of weathered season
To water the rose petals in uneven

“Tells us dear, why always sadness”
“Is when you visit here?”
“No more worries, friends will change that frown upon which you wear”

Their rainbow already smiles
And polka dotted eyes
Have ready changed me back to cherry cheer

As Sun flora holds me so motherly near
Where Doodly Bug does her dancing thing
And Blue Jay fails to tell a joke, because all he can do is sing

Betty Fly within her elegance of silence mimes
To Mr. Dandy Lion sending wishes off into the winds
And Inchee worm finally reaches me at the gardens end

In and among the gather, laughter spills all around
As the garden fills ever more and more
Until the sun party crasher comes down and down

And the fire flyers usher, and take to flight
A signaling sight to all
What brings about a hush quiet overhaul 

And as I rise, once more in cries
In departs from my secret friends 
They offer out all their good nights and even more their goodbyes!

My garden secret and hidden far
Safely within an enchanted meadow
Is tucked away like a precious treasure… beneath my softly pillow

Copyright © Michael Smith | Year Posted 2011

Details | I do not know? |
You say that you can picture me sitting in my chair.
What is it that you picture when you look from over there? 
Do you envision beauty or an ugly, wrinkled hag? 
Does my skin give off a glow or do my wrinkles sag? 

It's strange to think you picture someone you've never seen.
I could be short and squatty or maybe tall and lean.
What is the face that's given to represent this poem? 
Is it of a beauty queen or just a garden gnome? 

Copyright © Mary Nagy | Year Posted 2005

Details | Free verse |
The slowing whine as it came to rest
A spacecraft settled down
Like a mother bird into its nest
Glowing there green and round

Smoke spewed from open ports
The air smelled of gas
Little men came out of doors
And laid upon the grass

There soon formed a crowd from town
Peering at this awesome sight
The spacecraft there coming down
And glowing in the night

The mayor spoke and said he knows
What to feed these creatures green
They feed on French tomatoes
And drink the juice of beans

This is why they landed here
By this garden in the grass
But first to have a nice cold beer
From a large and frosty glass

Now arrived the TV news
Those men of truth renowned
And started doing interviews
To spread the word around

Camera trucks and many more
Big frames of antennae
Microphones  by the score
And dishes ten feet high

Beaming waves of HD pics
Popping flashes all around
Sending data high speed flicks
Of the creatures on the ground

Throbbing cables glowing hot
Plugged in every place
Trying to get a camera shot
Of the first from outer space

To scoop this scene
Would guarantee
A place for them
In history

If one could see from outer space
The light from each ones screen
Glowing back in every face
As they peered at those men green

Then finally in a casual way
One begun to speak
In a manner rather cool to say
We come to here in peace

Our trip was going very well
Between some outer stars
When a passenger ask do you sell
Those peanuts grown on mars?

I am the steward here
I serve folks while we fly
Bean juice and good cold beer
And peanuts you can buy

Many times our flights are long
My supply of things run out
We know if things go wrong
The captain starts to shout

We had just crossed the great black sea
A dreadful place to span
This chap had then just beckoned me
For bean juice, another can!

I opened up the saucers store
To take his order back
And It was empty, was no more
The captain blew his stack

We were only half way there
How long here who knows
But the captain does not care
If we need  French tomatoes

Our snifter found your plot
This garden full of greens
French tomatoes all you’ve got
And the juice squeezed from beans

Fear not earthling creatures
And even though we’re green
Maybe strange our features
But our nature is not mean

Steward sir, get the door
Our loading it is done
We now have filled our store
Goodbye everyone!

Copyright © richard karr | Year Posted 2012