You Are Owed No Reparations, Part I

You hear it said a lot these days, “Reparations! Someone must pay! Our ancestors suffered, it’s true! For that we’ve come to take from you!” Now we could just point out the fact none of us were alive that far back, that sin can never be passed down, we’re sovereign actors, here and now, we did not commit these mistakes, and by no right can you come take what we have earned through our hard work, that doing so makes you a jerk; but I think it’s more fun, my friends, to stretch this crap out to its end... Since slaves were taken, long ago, I think it’s important we know that Europeans could not seize, Africa killed them with disease. It was done by the ruling blacks, a method they used to attack their local tribal opponents, take people to their detriment, so black Americans should try to get cash from all of those tribes, go to the west African states, they should be targets of your hate, they own you cash, they did the deed! So listen closely, and take heed, all of your woke recriminations should target west African nations! But why stop with colors of skin, that’s not where slavery begins, eighty million African victims were seized by slavers quite Muslim, and marched north to the Middle East, castrated so they could not breed, worked to death by Mohammedans, Africa deserves cash from them! And Europe too, one million souls seized by corsairs, then bought and sold, when will the Muslims pay for that? They owe Europe and should give back! An even greater debt is owed to the Greeks who ruled eastern Rome, their lands invaded by the Turks, it’s stolen land, repay that hurt! Anatolia, the Levant, Northern Egypt, taken! Gone! This truly has gone out of hand, Muslims, return the stolen land! And what about little old me? I’m owed money by Britain, see, for what they did to my Irish kin, during the potato famine! We were driven from our soil, and before that, forced to toil for those damn Saxon conquerors, I am owed money for that hurt! CONCLUDES IN PART II.