Year Ending

December.

My coldest winter ever.

My slow descent
into destruction,
my epic battle with the devil.

Thought I’d never meet her.

Wondered
if I would make it out.
Got so used to being cold,
the warmth I start to flout.

Stifling.

12 months
have slipped between
my fingers.

Lived every day
buried,
but never pulled the trigger.

The irony’s simple.

And I’m still not living.

All the days
seem the same,
they blend into
each other.

Didn’t see the
silver lining,
stop putting 
forth effort.

I thought I was better.

Until my vision clears
and I see the
same four walls.

The amount of pills
gone the night before
getting harder to recall.

December.

The end of the year
that has faded so quickly,
I don’t know where I’ve been.

Close to dying,
running off,
the truth will make you cringe.

With the facts
in your face,
it gets hard to pretend.

The year’s
not the only thing
coming to the end.

December.

Couldn’t take it
any longer,
no more hurt to remit.

Think,
“At least I made it.”

Barely.
Feelings still heavy.
Dropped everything else,
left no luggage to carry.

Still wishing
I was faded.

Wake up
each morning,
count down to evening.

Dread the time
in between.

December.

Hate to see ya.

You’re my confirmation
that this is
reality.

My life,
three acts
stageplay tragedy.

Just a square
of blackness
on the cheap playbill.

The opening’s subpar
so it’s all downhill.

Casting was crummy,
the director’s an addict,

on paper
the parallels would
have been perfect.

December.

How soon
til it’s over?

But at least
I made the choice 
to live.

December.

I get it.

The sign to
get this life together.

That I have to
wrap it up
to start fresh,

oh December
you’re so clever.

I have no choice
but to get ready.

The future’s creeping,
life is waiting,
depression’s pleading
to be buried.

Hello December.

Let’s redo
our introduction.

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