Welcome To the Big Top

Step right up, buy your ticket, wait in anticipation to see the show, the one beneath the tent that holds all the dreams I never wanted to be exposed But now it’s time, I must share all that I have been through, so I hope that you enjoy the show that is being brought to you by me and my bitter truth Don’t let the lights fool you and don’t be mesmerized by the flair, dark secrets await you inside so enter if you dare Please hurry in and take a seat, and wait for the show to begin while backstage I am preparing for you to witness his defeat As the crowd hushes only the sound of silence resonates, and everyone waits patiently for me to reveal his fate Can you feel the tension building in this place? I feel as though it is flowing through my veins in this small enclosed space And then the spotlight turns to the center of the ring, and there you see me standing looking so serene I have become a master of disguise, I can veil the pain that usually gleams in my eyes I listen to the applause all for little, broken me, and I know that I must play the part I can’t really let them see The emptiness that I feel that is eating me alive, it’s a wonder that I am still standing here, I feel so dead inside But I know that you all paid a pretty penny just to see, all that I can do, so I will try to appease I smile my imitation smile and hide the frown beneath, and I wait for the applause to die down and then I start to speak I welcome one, I welcome all, to the big top circus that unbeknownst to most is about to crumble and fall I just can’t hold it up any longer it is out of my control, so get ready to witness the baring of my soul Please help me in welcoming to the stage, the ringleader that knows all too well how I have been played Everyone adores him and thinks he is the center of the show, but I am about to bring this circus down and he shall be the first to go He believes that he runs this circus and that he is in charge, but I am tired of being manipulated and living with these scars It is way past time that someone brought him to his knees, and unfortunately for him that person is me I’ve grown tired of taking orders and holding my tongue, this circus is coming down and there will be nowhere left for you to run So, go ahead and make a spectacle and pretend they’re here for you, because you’re unaware of the damage that I am about to do You will never see it coming you believe that I am so naïve, but you will never again underestimate me when you see my strength You will be amazed at just what I can do, and all I have to say is “love, it’s all for you” There will be no one that you can blame so don’t try to point the finger anywhere, you will understand everything once you witness my glare The look of hatred that you bestowed upon me, did you think that I wouldn’t retaliate? You really don’t know me My only regret in performing this task, is the innocent victims that were never to be apart of this bloody mass They only wanted to see the magnificent show, but they will get more than they bargained for when I let my fury go I am a ticking timebomb and you have detonated me, so don’t say you didn’t see it coming I gave you plenty of warnings You had chance after chance to rectify your wrong, but you chose not to comply and now you’re on your own I am getting ready to set this place ablaze, with the secrets that I have kept inside that I can no longer contain Once the score is settled and there is nothing left standing in the wake, do tell me then if you can how I was nothing but a mistake? I will watch from the shadows as the ashes start to fall, and everything around you comes tumbling down, everything you built, anything you cared about at all And then I will laugh oh so wickedly at your demise, as I watch the tears fall from your sad, unbelieving eyes There you will be broken with nothing left to feel, and only thoughts circling your confused state of mind questioning what is real When you look up to the stars in the sky as the fire roars, remember this is your fault, you didn’t want me anymore I may be cruel and vindictive in my ways, but I secretly get a thrill watching you in the blaze In my mind you’re where you truly belong, right in the middle of nothingness where you once had it all. This poem is from my book titled Crumbling Circus available for purchase and on Kindle on Amazon. My pen name is Amanda Carroll Kinzer