Wandering Why

Sometimes I wonder why I am here, I grow tired of the fighting to survive. Death is something sometimes I don’t fear. There is pain inside, But I don’t want anyone to see. To myself my true feelings I confide. A fake smile takes the place of the emptiness, That way no one will know. I surround them with pleasantness. Overwhelming feelings make me want to explode, They rush in like a flood, I try to stay rationale, but the grip I can’t hold. Nothing is done right, Guilt, Shame, What else do I have to face? Just wanting to disappear to some other place. Taking something sharp across the skin, Pain takes over and the blood runs. Sorry but this is the only way that I can win.