Victim

I am struggling to make sense of my feelings and thoughts
wondering if grief counseling should be sought
but I did not lose a loved one, that is not why I am with grief
I grieve because I have lost myself and most of my belief
Not religious wise though, God and I are okay
We'll be even better once this heartache goes away
Only thing is, is that it never does
And I beat myself up for not being the woman that I once was

I let the wrong man get the best of me
A decision that will follow me to eternity
I made a mistake and believed in love
What I should've done was invest in a pair of boxing gloves
Black, blue, swollen, and red
So many clothes I own are stained with the blood I bled

However, the physical scars don't amount to the emotional and mental ones
Or the guilt that I feel sometimes when I look at my son
Sometimes I fear what kind of man he will be
And I pray 
Everyday
That he will never raise his hands at me
I pray that he respects every woman and every little girl
Lord knows I was disrespected enough, just trying to bring him into this world
Now that he is here, I know my son is heaven sent
But I am still so angry and filled with such resentment
Sometimes its hard to look at him and not remember the nights I cried
Or any of the nights that we both could have died
By the hands
Of the man
Whom was supposed to love us both unconditionally
Who beat the love out of me 
Throughout my entire pregnancy

motherwomanlovemerhyme

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