Unchanging Penitence

Love + me will always = pain. Disappointments and knowledge are the results I gain. Mending gradually yet the heart remains the same. Closets are filled to capacity with no vacancy to place the blame. I hate myself, this flesh never seems to redeem. Outward appearances capture strangers' eyes; their conjured reflections evade my dreams. I'm not good enough; I will never be seen for who, not what, I truly am. Perfection, requirements, and preferences overwhelm me like a dam. Scars, bruises, and blemishes leave their mark. Constant remainders chipping away at me like tree bark. Beating myself emotionally, physically, mentally has left confusion; sensations numb. Damaged beyond repair; I'm an invisible shadow. No sense of place or time. Just a faceless phantom. No matter what people do to me for it will never come close as to what I do to myself on the inside. I'll return to that broken mirror forever trying to piece that which I've lost.....a shattered image. Refusing to accept that part of me has died. But I'll keep right on coming; believing the lies. .