Amanda Kinzer | + Follow Poet |
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Too Much Darkness, Too Much Light

(His Version of Darkness and Lightness)

Oh, before you I never dreamed of venturing into the light, but you intrigued me with your celestial colors always shining out of your soul so bright 
I always knew deep down your world wasn’t the place for me, I couldn’t be the man that you truly needed the type of man you needed me to be
I was far from innocent and in no way was I sincere, but something about you astounded me and, in my heart, made the answer so clear
I wore too much armor, I was cloaked from head to toe, no one was penetrating through my bravado and rightfully so 

I couldn’t let anyone see what lied beneath my skin, the way the demons slinked around and tried to come out now and then
There was just too much darkness for one soul to ever truly hold, and all that it needed was a home where the lightness could overflow
So back then you never saw the darkness that resided within me, because your light it penetrated my heart, it drowned out the enemy
The enemy that is my own tortured mind battling with my soul, wanting so much to take in your goodness to make myself whole

There were glimpses here and there that I didn’t wish to allow you to see, but the anger took over and the darkness it crept out of me
But I tried to rein it back in with words of love that I doted entirely on you, because your soul it touched mine whether or not I wanted it to
One sacred night one that I remember as though it was yesterday, my darkness it came out and lashed at you in an unforgivable way
But you my love being the ray of light that you are, you just soaked up the damage with your unbelievable heart

That heart that I could pierce, I could bend it, I could break, and still you shined your light for me giving so much when all I would do was take
Because you saw the light in me although I never believed any was there, you told me on many occasions that you witnessed glimpses here and there 
And you were the one, the only one that ever saw anything good in me, and I tried so hard to fight the darkness for you I wanted this more than anything
I couldn’t destroy the one beautiful thing I had in my life, so I chose to let you go without putting up a fight

Although you may have accepted my darkness and chose to dance there in it with me, I couldn’t let your light fade not for someone like me
Your precious heart, your beautiful soul, your indescribable body, believe me when I say it was so hard to walk away from the one thing that let me be
I know that you don’t judge me for my darkness, for the secrets that I keep, but my love I could never demoralize you, you’re much too pure, too sweet
I wish that I could change, that I could be the light, but my love you are this for me even though you’re no longer in my life

When I turn into the monster that I have created, the one that I use to deal with the grief, you’re always there in my heart and mind, your voice it gives me relief
It’s your face that I see when I come out of the darkness, the haze, and there your light it shines for me even from so many miles away
As much as I wish to end the darkness it still coaxes me in, and I just hold on to the hope that when I’m ready that your light will shine on this broken man once again.

Copyright © Amanda Kinzer | Year Posted 2023

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