Timeout
Just because I'm working on my mental health
Doesn't mean I think I'm better than a person who chooses to stay unwell
It just means
I'm working on my internal dialog daily, and I'm not perfect, at the very least, well.
I'm working on making myself content with knowing the past versions of myself
For instance,
Today, I had to set a 5-minute timer to allow myself to wallow in my own guilt surrounding yesterday's choices
This my sweet little psyche always chooses to think and ruminate on during the worst times and hours of the following day
90% dramatized, I guess I should say
Apparently, I really need to feel that sharp impale during the 5 minutes of living today's moments with yesterday's guilt and shame, during
that timeout period
I chose to take today with yesterday's pain that is actually 10% real
This I realize when I am out of my anxiety driven panic state because
let's face it, when we're in it
Time's just an illusion; the world is ending and
The sky is falling yet still
I am stopping to focus on
Yesterday's spilled milk? Haha
Guilt...
I hate you
You make me lose moments in days
Focusing on hours you already claimed
To re-live feelings that were derived from
False impersonations of the characters those
past versions of me played
Why the heck am I still walking onto this unappealing, applaud lacking stage
Only to draw center to all things I wished I could reclaim
Guilt, you are the main villain in this play
Still, you, too, have a significant role to play
So yeah, I'm working daily on myself
The thing is guilt, regret, and shame are just reoccurring roles
I sometimes get in costume to play and recreate, for those 5-minute timeouts I need to take
In those moments, I feel unwell
I think it's a way to keep me regulated and on the forever path to improving wellness within myself
It's more a timed woe is me opportunity
As I still have to take a bow out and do a few oh hell no's
To save my sanity
Copyright © Sierra Mazzucca | Year Posted 2024
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