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The Patient Crow

I am trying to learn Haiku form - is this haiku?



Crow patiently waits 

Poised on a dry brittle twig

Death is not silent


© Brenda V Northeast   23rd Jan. 2012

allegorydeathnaturehaiku

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Leo Larry Amadore

January 23, 2012 at 6:54 AM

Good haiku, Brenda...

Kash Poet

January 23, 2012 at 3:21 AM

Very good first try by you.I think the 3rd line here is something judgemental/interpretation.Which should not be in a haiku.The 3rd line should be something sensory.Like a snapshot.

Brenda Victoria Northeast

January 23, 2012 at 4:04 AM

Thank you Kash for your kind input- I shall give it some deep thought and look more into other examples to help me analyze what you have suggested. Thank you, What I was trying to imply was the sound of the crow and the breaking twig?

Judy Ball

January 23, 2012 at 2:26 AM

Excellent Brenda. This is very good Haiku. Though I'm not good at forms Haiku is described as a Japanese form usually about nature and the count is 5, 7, 5. This is perfect. God Bless, JB

Brenda Victoria Northeast

January 23, 2012 at 4:06 AM

Thank you so much Judy- as it seems I haven't quiet hit the mark- but it is progress in little steps, Blessings, Bren

The Patient Crow

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