The Patient Crow

I am trying to learn Haiku form - is this haiku? Crow patiently waits Poised on a dry brittle twig Death is not silent © Brenda V Northeast 23rd Jan. 2012

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Leo Larry Amadore

Date: 1/23/2012 6:54:00 AM

Good haiku, Brenda...

Kash Poet

Date: 1/23/2012 3:21:00 AM

Very good first try by you.I think the 3rd line here is something judgemental/interpretation.Which should not be in a haiku.The 3rd line should be something sensory.Like a snapshot.

Brenda Victoria Northeast
Date: 1/23/2012 4:04:00 AM

Thank you Kash for your kind input- I shall give it some deep thought and look more into other examples to help me analyze what you have suggested. Thank you, What I was trying to imply was the sound of the crow and the breaking twig?

Judy Ball

Date: 1/23/2012 2:26:00 AM

Excellent Brenda. This is very good Haiku. Though I'm not good at forms Haiku is described as a Japanese form usually about nature and the count is 5, 7, 5. This is perfect. God Bless, JB

Brenda Victoria Northeast
Date: 1/23/2012 4:06:00 AM

Thank you so much Judy- as it seems I haven't quiet hit the mark- but it is progress in little steps, Blessings, Bren