The Mother-In-Law's New Perfume

The Mother-in-Law’s New Perfume By Elton Camp One thing that makes Mother Roberts first rate Is that she lives way off in Washington State But the time for her annual visit has rolled around And staying with us for two weeks she’d be found “Tomorrow we go over to meet Mother’s flight And if you know what’s good for you, pretend delight.” My wife’s words were accompanied by a certain look That I had learned from the past better not be mistook “I sent her a bottle of perfume and said it was from you. Make sure that she doesn’t learn that it’s really not true.” The only type of gift that to her I would have conveyed Would be along the lines of a powerful hand grenade So, to the airport the two of us, next day, went along Lest I sleep on the couch, I wouldn’t do anything wrong At the luggage carousel, I said what I had rehearsed And mentioned the gift I sent her right at the first “I put it on just now after the plane the runway hit Of all the gifts you’ve picked I must say this is it.” When we got close enough the perfume to smell I immediately found that it made her stink like hell I allowed that there had never been another like that And was greatly relieved that on the back seat she sat When we got home, Mother Roberts pulled me aside “I don’t like it either, so your feelings needn’t hide.”