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The Mother-in-Law’s New Perfume

By Elton Camp

One thing that makes Mother Roberts first rate
Is that she lives way off in Washington State
But the time for her annual visit has rolled around
And staying with us for two weeks she’d be found

“Tomorrow we go over to meet Mother’s flight
And if you know what’s good for you, pretend delight.”
My wife’s words were accompanied by a certain look
That I had learned from the past better not be mistook

“I sent her a bottle of perfume and said it was from you.
Make sure that she doesn’t learn that it’s really not true.”
The only type of gift that to her I would have conveyed 
Would be along the lines of a powerful hand grenade

So, to the airport the two of us, next day, went along
Lest I sleep on the couch, I wouldn’t do anything wrong
At the luggage carousel, I said what I had rehearsed
And mentioned the gift I sent her right at the first

“I put it on just now after the plane the runway hit
Of all the gifts you’ve picked I must say this is it.”
When we got close enough the perfume to smell
I immediately found that it made her stink like hell

I allowed that there had never been another like that
And was greatly relieved that on the back seat she sat
When we got home, Mother Roberts pulled me aside
“I don’t like it either, so your feelings needn’t hide.”

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