The Germs And The Bugs

The germs and the bugs and the viruses Each of them fancied their chances The microbes and pathogens all had a go At giving me evil-eye glances My bones they were aching, my temperature baking And then there were chills that would see me a shaking I thought I might rattle with pills I was taking And if I dared speak then my larynx was quaking But you know and I know that ‘man flu’ is worse Than anything ladies might lay down in verse I knew this was true as I took to my bed While my wife with her ‘girl flu’ was clearing the shed Her version of flu didn’t cause her to moan When cleaning the kitchen, not one stifled groan And even the vacuum, when she cleaned the floors Did not make her wince, so she finished her chores But I am a man and a fighter at heart Against all bugs I’ll be the winner I said to my wife you should have a lie down… As soon as you’ve finished the dinner. Well… I’m better but hungry, I’m feeling half starved In fact I could eat a large horse I got bugs that gave me an appetite halved But now they’ve got me a divorce