Notes About The Poem
For those I have loved and lost—
your chairs may be empty, but your places in my heart remain forever filled.
The Enemy at My Table
My worst enemy has four worn feet,
a wooden back, a vacant stare;
it waits across from where I eat;
my oldest foe, the empty chair.
It does not shout or bare a blade;
its weapon is a vacant space.
It lets the happiest plans be made,
then wears a missing, cherished face.
It ambushes each holiday
and waits where laughter should have grown;
one glance can steal the room away
and remind me I am all alone.
It keeps the missing gathered there;
the dead, departed, those who fled;
what enemy could better wear
the living faces of the dead?
I hate it for the way it knows
which tender memory to employ;
it turns the smallest griefs to ghosts
and slips them underneath my joy.
I hate the victories it claims;
how birthdays bend beneath its weight;
how it can resurrect old names
and make the present sit and wait.
I’ve pushed it hard against the wall,
then filled the room with noise and cheer;
yet it can silence one and all
by simply being empty here.
No other foe has fought so well
without a fist, a voice, or breath;
it makes one absence rise and swell
until it fills the room with death.
For years, I gave that chair command
and let it choose which joys could stay;
it ruled my heart with unseen hands
and drove the living hours away.
Until I saw, with sudden dread,
the cruelest victory it won:
while mourning all the gone and dead,
I had become another one.
My enemy was not who left,
not every promise stripped and bare;
it was the way I stood bereft
and surrendered living to that chair.
So now I pull it near my side
and take the place that grief once claimed;
the chair remains, but I decide
whose living presence will be named.
Some absences still linger there;
some losses never disappear.
But I have faced the empty chair,
and filled its greatest void: I’m here.
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