April Walter Skyy | + Follow Poet |
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The Embrace

The embrace made me into the woman 
  that stands before you.
Silently your love entered into my heart
  Healing it as your touch caressed
my body and soul
  Unknown to me my heart was in love with you
and at the same time my mind keeps reflecting
  on my past embraces
But without the feeling of lost
  because you gave me your heart with no cost
You embraced me like I was your first love
  and in return you are mine



Re-write with Mentor Mary Oliver Rotman
                 8-13-15
                                        The Embrace

The embrace made me the women
  that stands before you.
Silently your love entered my heart
  Healing it as your touch caressed 
my body and soul
  Unknown to me my heart was in love with you
and at the same time my mind keeps reflecting
  on past embraces
But without the feeling of loss
  because you gave me your heart with no cost
You embraced me like I was your first love
  and in return you are mine.

Copyright © April Walter Skyy | Year Posted 2015

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Mary Rotman Date: 8/13/2015 5:10:00 PM WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING! PLEASE DELETE THIS AS REPLIES. AGAIN, I AM SO SORRY. Login to Reply April Walter Skyy Date: 8/13/2015 6:49:00 PM I don't have a delete option.

Mary Rotman Date: 8/13/2015 5:09:00 PM The embrace made me the woman WHO* stands before you. Silently, your love entered my heart Healing and caressing my body and soul. UNBEKNOWNST**to me, my heart already loved you.*** And now, when I reflect on past embraces,**** I feel no sense of loss because you gave your heart at no cost. You embraced me as though***** as though I were****** your first love and, in return, you are mine. April, why don't we move to regular email where there's more room. My email is romtmanmo@gmail.com Login to Reply

Mary Rotman Date: 8/13/2015 4:51:00 PM I had that comment in a soup mail box. It was kitten=bombed and became a reply. So sorry. Can you delete it? LINE NUMBERS Line 6: Unknown to me, my heart loved you OR my heart already loved you. This changes the line to active voice and makes it more poetic Line 7; It is "reflecting" not "reflexing." Again I would recommend "my mind reflects" instead of "my mind keeps reflecting" Line 9: loss not lost--still rhymes Line 10: eliminate "me" Login to Reply

Mary Rotman Date: 8/13/2015 4:46:00 PM LINE NUMBERS Line 6: Unknown to me, my heart loved you OR my heart already loved you. This changes the line to active voice and makes it more poetic Line 7; It is "reflecting" not "reflexing." Again I would recommend "my mind reflects" instead of "my mind keeps reflecting" Line 9: loss not lost--still rhymes Line 10: eliminate "me" I will piece together a poem with changes (didn 't require much) in new mail. And please forgive my errors--I have a kitten that likes to jump onto my keyboard. Login to Reply Mary Rotman Date: 8/13/2015 4:47:00 PM so sorry. Kitten damage. I'll try to remove this comment and put it back in soup mail wher it belongs.