The Big Kahuna
It was captain Macfarty the head of the party
Commander of ship and of crew
Who ordered “set sail” in pursuit of the whale
That was known as Kahuna Kalloo
It was huge it was quick and its scent made you sick
For it smelled just like octopus poo
It was big it was large ’bout the size of a barge
Though some people would swear it was two
From the harbour that night they went out and turned right
Their course it was westward and true
Chasing after the sun the adventure begun
In the search for Kahuna Kalloo
They were three days from shore or it could have been four
When the lookout yelled down to the crew
“Thar she blows and I think that because of the stink
It could possibly be, you know who”
Well, they put on their coats and they let down the boats
Every jack tar he knew what to do
They were fast they were quick and incredibly slick
And prepared for what might now ensue
With their feet on the floor and their hands on the oar
They rowed like they’d been trained to do
The captain was stressed and his trousers he messed
‘cause he didn’t have time for the loo
Said the Captain “pull hard, you’ll be hung from the yard
If he’s livin’ when this day is through”
So they used all their might in the dwindling light
To catch up with Kahuna Kalloo
When they pulled alongside it was nearing high tide
But they got in a harpoon or two
Thinking watery graves they were dragged through the waves
But the Captain, the Captain, he knew
Big Kahuna was done and the battle was won
The Captain said “Thanks” to the crew
With a rope round its neck it was hauled up on deck
As above them an albatross flew
It came in pretty fast and it perched on the mast
And the Captain, the Captain he knew
For he’d known from the first that they all would be cursed
For the death of Kahuna Kalloo
Copyright © John Fenn | Year Posted 2011
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