Christen Kuikoua Poet Spoken Word

The Addiction Nobody Sees - Part 01

It’s a warning.
If I perish, I perish
But I will not shut up.
Lust is not love.
**** is not harmless.
Masturbation is not a phase.
I lived it
Not ‘cause I was raised wrong,
But because sin crept in through a simple ad at twelve.
Yeah, twelve.

One click, and my innocence died behind a glowing screen.
Don’t tell me this is normal.
Normal ain’t being twelve
And seeing sex like it's a cartoon.

Normal ain’t being a kid
And getting aroused by strangers online.
Normal ain’t hiding in your room
Playing with yourself to videos
While your soul begs for help.

I became addicted.
Sining against myself felt like power
But it was the deepest kind of slavery.
And no one knew.
Not my parents.
Not my church.
Not my school.

Because everyone’s too scared to speak.
Too scared to say the words:
Masturbation.
***********.
Addiction.
Shame.

But I’m not scared anymore.
I remember the first time I crossed a line.
I played a game that should’ve never been played.
Yeah.
And I did something I should’ve never done.

Not because I’m wicked
But because I was already deep in a pit
That I didn’t know how to climb out of.

That’s what lust does.
It doesn’t just tempt you
It trains you.
It grooms you to be numb.
Numb to sin.
Numb to shame.
Numb to God.

I couldn’t pray.
I couldn’t worship.
Because how do you raise hands
You’ve used to defile yourself?

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