Still Hanging Around

I been blastin at this, masterin at this, kickin my own ass-inine-a-ness at this, not taken my time, not taken a breathe, not given a fix, caught up in this mix, mind wandering, like a water out of a fish, brain cells dead like the heart of the kid on the bench, sittin on sidelines, waitin to play, should i just walk away, am i ready today? imagination racin, ideas fast steady pacin, wantin and wantin to get that 1st place in, stuck with the ribbons but i want the gold, why am i still here in this, life is just getting old, tryin to be patient its wearing me thin should i throw this towel in, or start fresh again? what do i need, something is lacking, maybe its my insecurities attackin i can't pin point, can't break it down I'm screaming so loud but can't hear a sound trying to reach out, but no one to be found guess i'll be here waitin still hanging around