Selfish
After reading your texts my eyes welled up and wept the biggest, most silent tears that ever trickled down my pale and freckled face. The salt they left behind I can still taste love. I was in the store making my coffee when I felt my phone vibrated and I knew it was you love. Smiling, I check your message and what I read made my whole heart break. The last few nights after that I just lay awake, so many scenarios circling in my brain. Wondering from where this decision came and why all I feel is pain when I should be happy for you doing the right thing.
It's hard for me to grasp the concept of no more good morning texts or daily pictures for fun, we were deep in lust just the day before love. Not after all the intimate things we shared just the day before that love. Trying to wrap my mind around letting you go is killing me quietly but I'm not going to make a fuss love. I was never going to be the one strong enough to walk away from this, from us. Somewhere along the line it became about more than lust to me and now fighting the urge to check my phone for you is getting the best of me love.
It hurts my feelings to know my lips will never know your kiss, always thought it'd unlock another level of bliss to have your lips to mine while we both finish. There is nobody else I want to share my dark side with, my twin flame I will desperately miss. It will take a lot for me to come back from this, learning how to navigate this emptiness, this hole in my chest that didn't used to exist but I will figure it out love. It shouldn't even be this deep for me but it is.
My heart is heavy thinking about you. I wish I could say all I want for you is to be happy love but, it wouldn't be the truth and you know how I do. I never told you a lie, can't see me starting on a random Tuesday. I feel so blindsided, still in shock and numb, too. I was still coming down from the high of seeing you, tasting you, taking all of you. Knowing you were never mine to lose doesn't make it hurt any less love. Nobody else can ever be "love" after you.
So many questions I have, my mind is so bad but I won't complain and I won't ask one. The way my energy is tied to yours is insane, we are one in the same. Nobody can make me feel the way you do when you say my name love. When I see you outside, I can't even bear to look at you in your eyes because mine might start to glisten so I just try to look away. Let me roll up and puff through the shame I feel for wanting to be so selfish love.
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