Scribbled Thoughts So Blue

Scribbled thoughts so blue Rummaging through old boxes that have been ignored, stored away from today that belong to our past. My scribbled thoughts across the tattered pages. My mind construes, weeping out of my heart back then, I can’t pretend that we still live like that today. Constantly pleading to be closer to you, Yet you keep at an arm’s reach. I keep coming back for more and more. Just to get ignored. Now I don’t even cry. We haven’t changed – not you not I. Scribbled thoughts so blue Now our sons are caught in your blindside, shielding them from your love too. Reassuring them their father loves them is something I wish never had to do. Loving you isn’t easy, when it feels like this isn’t where you want to be but unconditional is what we vowed to do. I’ve felt like a single mom for so long, independent and strong . Our youngest will soon be gone and once again no bond. My very being is still longing for what I wanted way back then scribbled on those tattered pages in pen. Wanting to be the first thought on your mind, enjoying each other side by side participating in the life we have built. As the scribbled words scream out this is a convenient place to stay. Our lives drifted apart, perched on your tobacco leather throne reclined escaping into your TV zone. As the frayed edges lay across my ring, tear filled eyes scanning the time lapse gallery displayed on the walls, searching for you - non-existent; that’s you. Scribbled thoughts so blue The boys have brought me so much joy! People would always ask “where their dad is at? “. Making up excuses I hated the lies; I could see the hurt in your own parent’s eyes. I Pray to God for patience to help me to hold on. You are not a bad man. But it’s time to think about me. Cautiously at the crossroad I stand still waiting for God to give me some guidance as to His will. I know God loves me and that should be enough. I want to share the rest of my life with you unconditional is what we vowed to do. The blue ink starts to bleed through the tattered pages as tears stream down praying to the good Lord what to do? Scribbled thoughts so blue