Psychiatrist Phone Greeting

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you please. Press 3, 4, 5, and 6 if you have multiple personalities. If you happen to struggle with ADHD just press..hey look over there. A little kitty! If you are paranoid-delusional, don't press anything at all. Just stay on the line and we'll trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully to the little voice in your head and it will tell you eventually which number to press. If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random. If you are phobic, don't press anything. If you are manic-depressive, whatever number you press really won't matter because the bottom line is no one will ever answer. If you are **** retentive, I've been told to put you indefinitely on hold.